When did you know it was time to introduce your DP...

[JupiterMoonshine]

... to your children?

I wouldn't classify my current boyfriend as DP, but wrote it in the title for shortening purposes.

I have one DC (7) and my boyfriend has 2 DC (10 & 13). We've been seeing each other for 6 months. We see each other every day during the week when our DC are at school, and we have sleep overs a few evenings a week when they are staying with their respective parents. The relationship has moved much faster than ones in the past, we speak / phone / see each other practically everyday. We've been on a weeks holiday together and have met one another's family and friends many times. We feel like we know each other pretty well.

He has mentioned on a few occasions, the possibility of me meeting his children. I have always said 'no', as I felt it was too soon. I haven't mentioned him meeting DC and I have lots of mixed feelings about it. I feel like we shouldn't be meeting DC's until we are definitely committed to each other (e.g. wanting to live together, get married, serious conversations about the future). But at the same time I appreciate that these serious conversations and decisions can't be made until we have met, adapted and seen how we are as a blended family.

How did you know it was the right time to introduce your children to your boyfriend?

AIBU to want us to be 'definitely committed' before considering bringing children into the mix or is this a batshit expectation?!

You see each other every day during school hours? Are you both teachers or something?

Never.

Frankly, I just never would. My children have a father. They would be horrified at the thought of a random, strange man coming to live in their home or accompany their family outings.

6 months is also far too soon by most people’s standards. Recommended is at least a year.

There’s a thread already ongoing where a woman brought her boyfriend of 3 years into the home and he was verbally abusing and yelling at the children within months, as well as abusing her.

It’s your relationship, not your children, and I see no reason at all they need to be involved in it.

The damage that is wrought when these men turn nasty and leave is incalculable and long-lasting. I know adults who still talk of ‘mum’s boyfriend’ and the things they do, the miserable, anger-filled tension they bring into homes.

Hold out for at least 18 months. I’d be interested into why this guy is so keen to pressure you into it. Could be fine. Could be he wants to get moved in with a woman again so he’s got someone to boss around and wash his socks.

(yes agree with other poster, don't you have something better to do during the day while your kids are in school?)

@Rannva
Hilarious.

I introduced my dc at around the 18 month mark.
They have a Dad but shock, horror, I did feel that my own life was allowed to progress and that neither would thank me if I put my personal life on hold for a decade for them!!

Your attitude is at best ridiculous and at worst shitty and upsetting for anyone who reads it, who is maybe in the place I was 10 years ago.

Dh has been a wonderful stepdad. My dc love him and he his enriched all of our lives in so many ways.

My dd is 20 now and fully able to articulate her feelings, we are very close and she describes her stepdad as her 'second favourite parent' despite loving her dad very much. She wouldn't change her childhood at all.

Not all children are damaged by parents divorcing. I work in education and some of the most unhappy children I see, are those who's parents should have separated years ago!

@Rannva

(yes agree with other poster, don't you have something better to do during the day while your kids are in school?)

Another ridiculous comment I used to see dh in my afternoon off, he worked shifts back then and it was wonderful. Do you always struggle when confronted with someone else's happiness? Maybe a reflection on your own life.