Enjoying knowing that someone else fancies me

[MakeWayMoana]

Hi 🙋‍♀️

I am ‘happily’ married - mainly happy, we have had lots of rocky patches and aren’t in the best place at the moment... nothing ground breaking but we’ve had a lot on and not really been able to make time for each other. We have 2 children under 6.

I met a friend at my running club. Originally there was no attraction there at all, we just ran together and sometimes would get a drink/coffee/breakfast after a run. However, as time’s gone on I think he might have feelings for me - we have quite a flirty friendship, we laugh a lot and I really enjoy his company, but I’m not physically attracted to him.

My husband has never been affectionate, he doesn’t compliment or make me feel sexy or attractive. So my aibu is, is it unreasonable for me to be enjoying knowing that I am attractive to someone else? Or am I overstepping lines?

What do you think, OP?

Why are you married to someone who has never been affectionate or made you feel sexy? Seems like a recipe for an affair really op

My DP sounds a bit like yours, except initially it was all about the sex and there was lots of it. Now there’s none of it, at all, and I feel invisible and rank at 33. I have dreams about other men just wanting to spend time with me and it feels so good, so my cup would be overflowing if I was in your situation! Enjoy it for what it is, it’s nice to feel attractive and interesting. If you start wanting to take it further then it’s probably time for an honest chat with your husband.

@IsabellesMissingSock I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking others thoughts. One half of me thinks there’s nothing wrong with it, my friend is also happy in a relationship so it’s pretty much just some friendly flirting, the other half of me thinks something’s wrong with the relationship, but I can’t really put my finger on why.

A bit of flirting never hurt anyone, as long as you don't take it further

Would you feel disrespected/hurt/upset if he had these interactions with a friend?

I am quite relaxed about occasional flirting, but a friendship where one person is becoming attracted to the other is not that.

@AlohaMolly exactly! At the beginning it was great, but 2 kids and 10 years later and I feel fat and gross and hideous - logically I know I’m not, but it’s so nice to have a bit of external proof that I’m still a bit attractive!!

There is a plot in Desperate Housewives where Lynette is enjoying a flirtation. He makes a move and she is all 'Noo! I just want the flirting, it was great. Now you've messed everything up.' I'm with her. Enjoy it, just keep it in its box.

My husband has never been affectionate, he doesn’t compliment or make me feel sexy or attractive.

And you can’t put your finger on what’s wrong with your relationship? That’s pretty much the reason right there.

@Sally872 no I don’t think I would - but it’s hard to judge because he has one big group of male friends that he made at school and those are the people he’s friends with, so it would be weird for him to suddenly befriend a woman and spend time with her alone. But I tend to make friends wherever I go, but don’t have a big group of friends, so most of my friendships involve spending time with just one or two other people.

QQ - Why do you assume he has feelings for you?

Maybe he just enjoys your company too but finds you equally unattractive 🤷‍♂️

@DismantledKing I meant I can’t put my finger on what’s wrong with the friendship, not the marriage 😆 I could make a list of all the things wrong with the marriage! But luckily there’s quite a lot right about it too.

The fact that you wouldn't be happy if your husband did the same is your answer. YABU and a hypocrite

@StrawberrySquash I don’t remember this! I loved Lynette - if it’s ok for her it’ll do for me!

@traintraveller I said I don’t think I would feel upset/hurt/disrespected

Step back from the coffees and meet ups. If you want attention from someone else then finish your marriage first.

The Lynette thing is when they are running the pizza place and they get a manager in to run it, OP.