Lazy unloving Husband

[Fedup1975]

Hi I'm new here and would just like some advice really. I've been with my Husband for 20 years but things between us haven't been great for a couple of years. He doesn't work(only had one job around 12 years ago which lasted a couple of weeks) and doesn't help out around the house, He goes to bed around 3am then stays in bed till the afternoon(sometimes not getting up till 5pm) when he does get up all he does it lay on the bed reading then repeats the process unless he goes to his Brothers house. he constantly moans about the house being a mess and when I've told him it wouldn't be as messy if he helped me out(we have two children who are teens btw) and all he says is he doesn't make any mess so why should he help clean, I do everything around the house from cooking, washing and cleaning all by myself even though my depression is really bad(been on anti depressants for over 25 years) Its now gotten to the point I can't stand being around him and def don't want him touching me as I feel angry and resentment all the time towards him, he's never been a very loving towards me apart from in the early months we were together, doesn't ever cuddle me or kiss me even though he expects me to as he calls it "Empty his Sack" I've asked him to leave as the house is in my name but he said he would only go once the children have left home so I'm stuck, he expects me to cook for him and wash his clothes which I've stopped doing recently and because I stopped doing those things for me tells me I'm the most selfish person hes ever met(Bare in mind I have gone days without eating when ill as he never offers to look after me not even a bowl of soup)I've also stopped being intimate with him(if thats what you can call it) as I just don't feel that way with him anymore so he tells me he'll find it elsewhere,(wish he would as he'd be doing me a favour) I justt feel so stuck lonely and depressed in this rut and don't no what to do anymore, I do still care about him but don't think I'm in love with him anymore. any advice is welcome Thanks

So sorry OP. You deserve so much more. You can't change him but you can make changes that will benefit you and your children. Seek professional advice and divorce him. You need a fresh start. Your health and MH will improve massively. Good luck x

Is there absolutely no way out of this horrible situation for you,? it is wrecking your life, and health, living with such a horrible slob of a man, who has no respect for you.. All this precious time, wasted, living as you are doing. If your Husband won't work, and he just slobs around all the time, you would think that he himself, would think that his life is empty and a mess, and make some changes to improve things.

Can’t you change the locks when he’s out?

Thank you to everyone who has replied to me, the house is council, I have looked into it and apparently even though his name isn't on the tenancy he does have a right to stay here as we are Married, I have thought many times over the past couple of years to get a divorce but don't have the money to go through with it(It costs around £500 last time I checked although I maybe able to get help with that as I am on Benefits (due to my illnesses, I have quite a bit going on inc Kidney disease and am bi polar) truth is both my Children have quite a good relationship with their Dad and I don't want to look like the bad one splitting up the family(they both are aware there Dad doesn't help me though)I guess I've put up with it so long I feel like I don't know how to get out of this Rut and am very unhappy, he won't leave and I have no where to go, Both parents are long gone and also lost my Brother to suicide, I have no friends either as I'm a bit of a Hermit so don't go out to socialise.

In that case op, I'd just carry on not doing anything at all for him, no laundry, no cooking, definitely no sex (his comments are disgraceful), no buying of his favourite things at the shop. Tell him why - that you want him to leave but can't afford divorce. He might go anyway.

'Splitting up a family' is completely the wrong words. You would be respecting yourself, making yourself happy, giving your children a much happier home.
So many mothers seem to live in complete and utter misery under the guise of 'not splitting a family up'.

Christ! What a miserable, exhausting life you have, I'm so sad for you. He is a disgusting slob with zero respect for you & you must divorce him. Go to a solicitor as soon as you can & start the ball rolling. I wish you all the best, life will be infinitely better with this pig out of your life.

There is no marriage there. You have a miserable user that lives in your house.
I stay at home but we have a division of chores that we feel is fair and works for us.
Please divorce this man child and find some happiness by yourself.