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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Incident with Police Officer in 2008

39 replies

ChangeUserAgain · 04/10/2021 10:29

In 2008 I was 21 and out for one of many nights out with friends. I was leaving Heaven nightclub in London quite drunk with no handbag and away from the friends I had gone out with. with no fear I struck up a conversation with a policeman who pulled up and asked him for a lift home (as if he had nothing better to do) . He agreed and I got in to the car with him some time during this time I am not sure of the exact timeline, he pulled out handcuffs put them on me “for a laugh” and tried to kiss me. I pushed him off annoyed and he dropped me at London Paddington Station.

I was reading the news, as we all were, about poor Sarah Everard and thought back at that moment but it wasn’t until I come across a picture of Couzens in 2008 that it kind of took me back. In my mind it was the man that picked me up. But perhaps it wasn’t, who knows, but I can’t help thinking why on earth didn’t I report this ? I’m so angry with myself I was so irresponsible and almost conditioned in life to expect males to act like this with me (I was previously raped and sexually assaulted in two separate incidents).
My mum thinks I should I report the incident now in case there are other enquiries dating back to that time but I think I was drunk and it was years ago I couldn’t even say the exact month it happened.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChangeUserAgain · 04/10/2021 10:30

I didn’t mean to enable voting really

OP posts:
BelleOfTheProvince · 04/10/2021 10:36

I think it's always worth reporting. Even if you think it's insignificant. Often little insignificant details.are the key to solving cases.

But I would report online to save yourself the hassle of possibly dealing with someone who minimises it.

SamMil · 04/10/2021 10:38

I would report too. It's easy to do online & it's better to report than do nothing, even it is just logged and files.

Hidehi4 · 04/10/2021 10:39

He’s locked up for life so I think you would put yourself through more stress. It’s awful what happened to you and it shouldn’t have happen but nothing will come of it.

Original poster
ChangeUserAgain · 04/10/2021 10:40

I didn’t know you could report things online I will have a look at doing that this afternoon: thanks

OP posts:
BakingOfTheFoodCats · 04/10/2021 10:41

I would leave it, it wasn’t him anyway as he was only a police officer for a few years I read so wouldn’t have been working as one in 2008

Original poster
ChangeUserAgain · 04/10/2021 10:42

@Hidehi4

Yes that is what I said to my mum but there is every possibility it wasn’t him (he was just so familiar in my mind) so I wasn’t sure if it may help in some way for any other case if I did.

OP posts:
BelleOfTheProvince · 04/10/2021 10:43

@BakingOfTheFoodCats

I would leave it, it wasn’t him anyway as he was only a police officer for a few years I read so wouldn’t have been working as one in 2008
All the more reason to report it as a serving officer could well still be pulling this crap.
HeidiHaus · 04/10/2021 10:43

He didn't join the Met until much later than 2008 so definitely not him. I would still report anyway.

Original poster
ChangeUserAgain · 04/10/2021 10:43

@BakingOfTheFoodCats

He was a police officer in 2008 in Kent he just moved to the Met a couple of years ago. I did think he wouldn’t be crawling the streets in London back then so as I say every possibility it wasn’t him. Just familiar.

OP posts:
BakingOfTheFoodCats · 04/10/2021 10:45

And how will they possibly identify who did it from 13 Years ago? I would move on

Original poster
ChangeUserAgain · 04/10/2021 10:45

Yes that’s what my mum said about other police man testing the waters etc but as I say I cannot give an accurate time line so it’s probably useless

OP posts:
BIoodyStupidJohnson · 04/10/2021 10:46

You should definitely report this.

But Couzens wasn't an officer in London in 2008, he worked as a volunteer for Kent police then so would not have been driving a police car around Charing Cross. He didn't join the Met until 2018.

But just because it probably wasn't him doesn't mean you shouldn't at least stand up and say, 'this thing happened to me'.

BelleOfTheProvince · 04/10/2021 10:47

Why don't people understand about safeguarding.
You have concerns. You report them. Easy. If they are nothing. Nothing is done. No harm. If something, may add up to a conviction etc.

Not a dig at you op, you'd just think people would be more encouraging in reporting given the fallout from failures to do so in high profile cases.

Spend ten minutes reporting. A weight off and it may help.

Original poster
ChangeUserAgain · 04/10/2021 10:48

@BakingOfTheFoodCats

I’ve moved on a long time ago. Ive never thought about it in fact, until recently. As I said I didn’t really have intention of reporting this as I feel it is useless info I just wanted to see what others thought so thank you for that.

OP posts:
BelleOfTheProvince · 04/10/2021 10:48

@BakingOfTheFoodCats

And how will they possibly identify who did it from 13 Years ago? I would move on
It will still paint a clearer picture in terms of data. Really important at a time police need to get their house together.
Original poster
ChangeUserAgain · 04/10/2021 10:50

@BelleOfTheProvince

I absolutely would report this if it happened to me now! In 2008 I was a bit fucked up to be honest and didn’t really care about anything.

OP posts:
BelleOfTheProvince · 04/10/2021 10:54

It's worth reporting now.
Something may have happened in 2008 that got dropped due to lack of evidence. A new piece of evidence opens cases all the time.

At the very least it adds to data and evidence that there is corruption in the police. How can we expect them to tackle it if we withold information?

It costs you nothing to report it. You can even request that you are not contacted again.

ILoveMyMonkey · 04/10/2021 10:57

I’m really sorry that happened to you, but I agree with this “And how will they possibly identify who did it from 13 Years ago? I would move on”
you don’t know the date or even the month it happened, could you accurately describe him? You thought it could be couzens but people have told you that’s not possible, you have a very hazy recollection of the incident. I just think you’ll be putting yourself under a massive amount of stress for no real conclusion. We all have horrid incidents banked away in that little box in our brain and Sarah’s case had dragged those to the forefront for a lot of us, you included but I do think you should let it go.

SirChenjins · 04/10/2021 10:58

I’d report it - as a op rightly says, reporting helps the police to gather data to show how widespread it is.

Original poster
ChangeUserAgain · 04/10/2021 11:15

I already knew Couzens was in a different force before posting. I also said he was familiar but possibly not him. It just brought the event back when I saw the pic of him dated 2008. I have let it go and I think my “incident” is going to be the tip of the iceberg so far as women reporting things.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChangeUserAgain · 04/10/2021 11:17

*women reporting incidents with policemen

OP posts:
BelleOfTheProvince · 04/10/2021 11:21

Your incident can only be counted if you share it. Think about it. If everyone who had an incident brushed it off and relied on others' reports there would be no evidence of a problem and hence no justification in tackling or changing practice.

A woman literally lost her life because people handwaived concerns or considered them not serious enough for reporting.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 04/10/2021 11:22

I would do what ever feels right for you. If it would make you feel better to report it, then do so, if not then don't.

Kosmoceratops · 04/10/2021 11:26

Couzens did not join the Met Police until 2018 - ten years after your incident, so unlikely to have been him.