...to discipline my toddler for being cheeky?

[alltheelephants]

Our DDis 2 and a half, she's generally a happy, easy-going wee girl but lately has started getting quite cheeky and disrespectful towards me and her dad.

It's nothing major as yet, we're talking about ignoring us or shouting, pulling faces and eye rolling if she doesn't like what she's hearing. I know it's probably all normal at this stage, but I'm in two minds as to how best to handle it.

We use a thinking corner as time out for discipline - should we be using a warning and time out for being cheeky or disrespectful, or is it better to ignore it?

I'm getting conflicting advice from friends/my mum/MIL so I'd be interested to hear what the consensus is here.

Depends on the discipline tbh! I have a 3 year old and will tell him to stop humphing, but I won't be taking his toys or privileges away unless it escalates and he does something that warrants a punishment.

YABU. She's 2. Just ignore the behaviour you don't like for now. She has no impulse control and very little ability to regulate her responses. You can't punish her for that.

As for the face pulling and eye rolling - monkey see, monkey do...

YABU - she’s 2 for heavens sake.

Also at 2 she’s copying learned behaviour. Might want to have a think about how you and her dad act around each other.

She’s 2. Yabu

Well, ignoring or shouting we did discipline by talking to them about why it’s important to listen and not shout. Then we’d have one warning before time out. We also made sure we were not ever ignoring or shouting at them.

Pulling faces/eye rolling, we never disciplined for because toddlers that age have little to no control over their emotions so they aren’t deliberately deciding to pull a face or roll eyes, they simply haven’t learned yet to regulate emotions and mask them with a poker face. We did use them as cues though. We’d say “oh you don’t like x? Why is that?” And if something we can fix or do better, we’d do it. Because it is important to let them know their feelings do matter.

I disagree with responses so far.
I think that behaviour should be commented on. I'm not talking about strict consequences or anything like that but if a child behaves like that and it becomes their normal and some point you are going to have to intervene and stop it.
You may as well show your displeasure now rather than let continuing and then suddenly saying no.
Start as you mean to go on really.

I work in a nursery and we also use time outs (we have a chill out corner especially) for over 2s. But before they go there we explain really clearly why they did something wrong & are really prescriptive about what kind of behaviour gets you there so kids know how to avoid it. For example we only use the time outs for violence.

However, at home, DS despite being 22 months old is an excellent communicator and a cheeky bugger. I use time outs with him specifically when he doesn’t listen to me, explaining each time why he is going there, and he definitely understands his boundaries.

@ButterflyAway

YABU - she’s 2 for heavens sake.

Oh to be wise about everything and in a place of perfection to judge other parents.

@Ozanj

I work in a nursery and we also use time outs (we have a chill out corner especially) for over 2s. But before they go there we explain really clearly why they did something wrong & are really prescriptive about what kind of behaviour gets you there so kids know how to avoid it. For example we only use the time outs for violence.

However, at home, DS despite being 22 months old is an excellent communicator and a cheeky bugger. I use time outs with him specifically when he doesn’t listen to me, explaining each time why he is going there, and he definitely understands his boundaries.

This is reassuring, thank you.

I walk away or place DS on the sofa and ignore for two mins. That seems to work. Doesn't give them the attention they work and means I don't shout etc which is what I grew up with

@ButterflyAway

Also at 2 she’s copying learned behaviour. Might want to have a think about how you and her dad act around each other.

Stop being rude. It’s probably a cartoon rather than her parents. A lot of kids that age become very cheeky after peppa pig or ben and holly for example.

@notacooldad

I disagree with responses so far. I think that behaviour should be commented on. I'm not talking about strict consequences or anything like that but if a child behaves like that and it becomes their normal and some point you are going to have to intervene and stop it. You may as well show your displeasure now rather than let continuing and then suddenly saying no. Start as you mean to go on really.

To be honest I think it bothering me enough to warrant something - as you say major discipline isn't needed but I do think it needs acknowledged at least, as something that isn't acceptable.

I would be telling a 2 and a half year old off for shouting at me. And if she continued I put her in the thinking corner. My thinking is if you don’t teach her that that behaviour is wrong now then she will think it’s ok to shout at nursery staff and her school teachers!

Well it depends. If he is just being a little bit cheeky and ignoring my NOs and Situation is not dangerous i would just explained calmy to him why mama is saying NO, without any "consequence". I react only when he shouts or hit me (which happens sometimes), saying "stop, mama is not ok with this and she is going away until you calm down" and going outside the room and leaving him alone. This seems to work.

But he is 2.5 yo so I think these behaviours are.part of the package

But he is 2.5 yo so I think these behaviours are.part of the package

As my old nan used to say 'these things are sent to try us!'😂

Id ignore what you can and just hone in on the stuff that you really want to change. So we ignored eye rolling and whining, shouting got a verbal reprimand but not listening and running off was an absolute no-no.

Pick your battles but yes there is a place for enforcement. You just dont want to spend your whole time locked in battle with them or handi g out punishments.

Discipline means to teach, it doesn't mean to tell off or punish. Just keep modelling the behaviour you want and ignore what you don't want. She's not old enough to hide her feelings, just roll with it.

Maybe read up a little about 2 year old brain and emotional development. Reframe your own thinking and try and understand the why behind the behaviour. Name the emotion your child is feeling so they understand the language to go with the feeling and move on.

I think time outs are a bit of a dated tool and more recent research is starting to uncover the ineffectiveness of this. Think about it, a child who is feeling frustrated or upset is sent to be alone and process feelings they don't understand, can't came and don't yet have the development to handle. You're teaching your child that you withdraw your support and affection when they're struggling with their emotions. I find "time-in" and giving space to process more effective eg"i know you're feeling angry right now, I'll sit here with you until you feel calm"

I agree with Oldnews. If I heard my DDs nursery was using time outs I’d be having a word. Young children need help from you to learn how to regulate their emotions and behaviours. I agree that the behaviours generally need commented on, like shouting etc - I’d like you to stop shouting, when you use a quieter voice we can have our snack etc. Sometimes picking your battles, but avoiding using a rupture in your relationship to try to manage behaviour.

@Oldnews

Maybe read up a little about 2 year old brain and emotional development. Reframe your own thinking and try and understand the why behind the behaviour. Name the emotion your child is feeling so they understand the language to go with the feeling and move on.

I think time outs are a bit of a dated tool and more recent research is starting to uncover the ineffectiveness of this. Think about it, a child who is feeling frustrated or upset is sent to be alone and process feelings they don't understand, can't came and don't yet have the development to handle. You're teaching your child that you withdraw your support and affection when they're struggling with their emotions. I find "time-in" and giving space to process more effective eg"i know you're feeling angry right now, I'll sit here with you until you feel calm"

100% this. I sympathise - I also have a two year old who seems to have discovered his attitude in the last few weeks - but it's my job to teach him how to navigate that.

Good manners should be taught right from the child first learning to walk and talk.