For being fed up with DH?

[Cantgetausername87]

We agreed tonight that as always I would do the night feeds - one starting at 12am.
It was DHs birthday yesterday and he has today off. DH was gaming with his mates, and came off especially to wake me and then go to bed. He then started what I feel to be a pantomime of offering to feed DS after he woke me up. When I said that if he wanted to feed him he would have cracked on with it without feeling the need to wake me, DH started calling me names. I'm pretty pissed off, even though we agreed I would do the night feeds, I would expect that if you were awake you would just do the feed rather than waking your wife up. AIBU? DH also has the day off today and tomorrow ...

Well you agreed to do night feeds so what is the problem

I can see your point here.
But in future can you work out a more fair solution with you having a complete break at least one night a week?

So, you agreed to do night feed.
When the time came, you were asleep and he was awake and up.
He woke you up to do the feeding and then offered to do it after you were already awake.

Justifiable Homicide

If you're bottle feeding then why can't the night feeds be split? When we combi fed DH for up for bottles. Even now if I give the odd bottle overnight it's DH that does it.

Tbh even if you do the bottle there's no reason he should be lying there snoring. He can get up and change nappies, rock back to sleep, etc. No reason at all for you being the one to do everything. Work isn't really an excuse either. Unless he's a brain surgeon or something I'd say being sleep deprived with a baby to care for all day is more dangerous than being a bit tired in work. He needs to step up and you should stop offering to give up your sleep for his.

Yep I’d definitely be pissed off. Whoever is already awake does the feeds- regardless of what was previously agreed upon. It’s just common courtesy? What’s the point of waking up your spouse if you’re already awake?

We do shifts here with our baby and sometimes I am that tired I'm falling asleep with her and wake her dad to take over his shift with her and ask him to wake me for her next feed. Sometimes even if we agreed his shift will start at X time I've had to wake him earlier as I'm not safe with her. We cup feed our baby expressed milk rather than bottle feed if I'm not feeding directly and it is easy to nod off doing that too.

But, if none of that is going on, YANBU at all! The awake person could have just cracked on.

@Dreamstate

Well you agreed to do night feeds so what is the problem

🙄

Yep, that would leave a bad taste if it were me. It speaks to a general lack of kindness, sense of teamwork and a heightened entitlement. He may as well wear a t-shirt that says ‘Babies aren’t my business’.

My DH would never have considered waking me in this scenario. He wouldn’t have thought of it as a ‘day off’ either, just a chance to take more of the workload at home. Come to think of it, he’d have been actively happy to have the chance to let me sleep through, due to that plan. Probably would have expected a warm thankyou pat on the head next morning, but you can’t have it all

I'd be pissed off for sure.

I mean if he was already up then what was the point of waking u.

Surely most if us would have just fed the baby

Unless of course that's just the wife's job....

@Dreamstate

Well you agreed to do night feeds so what is the problem

OP, your husband found the thread already!

You need to split the night feeds every other night.

I’d be raging too.

thank you everyone x

I think you're understandably tired and making this into a big thing - just agree what to do in future but definitely include him giving you a break and doing feeds sometimes when he has a day off.
Maybe he woke you because he thought you'd only wake anyway to do the feed if you didn't know that he'd already done it?