To think my boss is really unsupportive

[AssemblySquare]

I really dislike my job. I only stay because it’s convenient and I have good friends among my colleagues (including my boss!). For context we have been friends over 20 years, she’s been my boss for about 3 years.

In conversation I told my friend/boss how unhappy I am at work and that I’m keen to address the problem. The response I got was a massive long rant about how hard my boss’s life is compared to mine and how we’re all struggling and didn’t I realise ‘Arnie’ in department x has been struggling even worse than me. I really don’t like having her as my boss and it’s starting to affect how I feel about our friendship. AIBU?

Maybe she isn't coping either. It all sounds quite toxic.

Tbh it depends what context you had the conversation in. Your title says that your boss is unsupportive, so if you had this conversation in a work environment then I’d agree. If you’ve asked to get help or ideas to make work a better place for you, and she’s turned it into a morning session about her problems then that’s extremely unsupportive.

However, if you brought it up outside of work as part of a conversation between friends then she might have seen it as a general grumble about working life and joined in. Although comparing your issues with hers/other colleagues isn’t helpful from a friend or boss.

It’s extremely difficult to have a close friendship with your boss. I’d imagine you need to lay down some boundaries even if they’re just for yourself about what you’re going to discuss with her in future.

It was in work that we had this conversation. Has been playing on my mind over the weekend and I’m starting to see a pattern of this kind of thing. In a meeting she told me it’s really stressful for her when I’m off sick!!! I am rarely off sick so this was a bizarre comment for her to make. I also get veiled threats like “I’m only asking you to do this so we don’t get into trouble higher up”

Actually reading this back she’s a crap boss and a crap friend

She sounds unprofessional, not only is she not addressing the issues you raised, she definitely shouldn't have dragged Arnie into it.

A part of her job is to address your issues, not dump her issues and your colleagues issues onto your lap. It is really unprofessional

You cannot be friends with your boss. End of.

Very toxic, weird and unhealthy.

I have learnt too that you cannot be friends with your boss, you just can't, sadly.

Tbh it sounds like you would be best of quitting and finding work for someone who treats you better. Take some time out of the friendship and see if it's salvageable on any level.

What are you doing to address the problem or are you expecting your boss to do it? I agree that friendship with the boss, unless not brought into work. Isn't a good idea. I'd look for a new job.

@traintraveller I’m doing everything within my power to improve things at work. But there’s some stuff that only my boss can sort out. She’s not listening because in her mind we’re all in the same boat so we just need to put up with it! Our previous line manager never took that attitude! He fought our corner and wasn’t frightened of the senior team.