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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have called the police

24 replies

Pinkpepper79 · 03/10/2021 20:19

I found out tonight that my boyfriend of 17 years (we live apart) put a tracker on my car. Its not a cut and dry issue he says the car is his as he bought it and still has the receipt. Yet log book and insurance is in my name and he doesn't drive it. Fast forwards to today we had a massive argument where he threw my house key at me and then opened the bonnet of my car and removed a tracker that he had put on my car. I was so angry I rang the police and now I am regretting it. I don't feel like I am in danger from him as I know he wouldn't hurt me. But I am so so angry with him for invading my privacy. He said he did it because I have been depressed and wasn't sure if I would do something stupid. I am in a pickle and don't know what to do

OP posts:

StripeyBadger · 03/10/2021 20:22

Log book and insurance don’t prove ownership and the log book expressly says it named the registered keeper who may not be the owner. So who does own the vehicle?

Notaroadrunner · 03/10/2021 20:22

Well whatever about calling the police I sincerely hope you have called time on your relationship. Good thing you don't live together as it makes it easier to split.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 03/10/2021 20:22

The car is his imo.
Give him it back and be thankful you found out what a twat he is.

Noogar · 03/10/2021 20:23

The police will work out if he has committed a crime and it's up to you if you are happy or not with him tracking you. I wouldn't be.

Mumofsend · 03/10/2021 20:26

Technically it may be his but either way that would be a huge major line crossed with no way back and I would be putting time on the Relationship immediately

MadamMedea · 03/10/2021 20:26

From a relationship perspective it doesn’t matter whether he owns the car or not - he was still very wrong to track you. Let the police determine the legality of what he did, and end the relationship with the creepy bastard.

Original poster

Pinkpepper79 · 03/10/2021 20:29

@StripeyBadger he gave me the car as part of the maintenance he pays for our son. I have had the car for at least 2 years now

OP posts:

TaraR2020 · 03/10/2021 20:31

Doesn't matter if the car is legally his, its massively concerning and out of order

Couldhavebeenme3 · 03/10/2021 20:35

Give him the car back and make a proper claim for maintenance via the CMS.

And run like fuck.

mineofuselessinformation · 03/10/2021 20:40

Why is he paying 'maintenance' if you are still in a relationship? (You described him as your boyfriend.)
You need to get him to sign the V5C over to you - otherwise you will never have a claim on the car, regardless of who taxes and insures it.
If you're not still together it would be a good idea to make plans to replace the car.

crunchiebabe · 03/10/2021 20:42

The car is yours , you are the legally registered owner, doesn't matter who paid for it. He can be charged with " stalking " as the device was played without your knowledge or consent.

Idontlike · 03/10/2021 20:42

Sorry, you say boyfriend of 17 years but then say about him paying maintenance.

Are you together or not?

MichelleScarn · 03/10/2021 20:42

Will the cms get involved in a current relationship?

Ivy48 · 03/10/2021 20:45

It’s you’re car if you’re the registered keeper regardless of who paid. My partner bought my car but transferred ownership to me, he has no claim
On it. You’ve done the right thing he needs a reality check

Voice0fReason · 03/10/2021 20:48

Very creepy & unacceptable behaviour from him. His reasoning is inexcusable.

TintinIsBack · 03/10/2021 20:50

Even if the car is his, he doesn’t have the right to track your whereabouts like this. Which is exactly what he was doing.

Even if you are not going ahead re the police, what are you going to do re the relationship?
I’d struggle to stay in a relationship when there is so little trust and he is spying on me like this.

TintinIsBack · 03/10/2021 20:51

Also are you sure he hasn’t out any other trackers in place?
I’m thinking your phone, computer etc….?

MrsRobbieHart · 03/10/2021 20:52

Doesn’t matter whose car it was. Stalking is a crime, even if it’s your girlfriend. So well done for reporting, make sure the police take this seriously. Hopefully he has no other keys to your house?

AntiSocialDistancer · 03/10/2021 20:54

@StripeyBadger

Log book and insurance don’t prove ownership and the log book expressly says it named the registered keeper who may not be the owner. So who does own the vehicle?

I agree with this, he doesnt necessarily have proof of ownership but you'd struggle to prove it.

Spend tonight finding any message between you that talks about the car and save them.

Don't blame you for phoning the police.

RudestLittleMadam · 03/10/2021 20:57

Whoever owns the car is a red herring. He's tracking you, not the car by the sound of it and it doesn’t matter what he’s reasons are- he’s out of order. My experience has taught me that if someone is being a controlling creepy stalker “for my own good” it’s a very big red flag.

Whatever course of action the police decide to take I would get the fuck away from this man.

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 03/10/2021 21:07

whoever bought the car is irreelevant. he gave it to you.
putting a tracker on the car of an ex, or current partner, is disturbing. i don't know if it's illegal (others will) - but stalking is distrubing behaviour, and i think it is right you called the police and let him know it's unacceptable behaviour.
if he is your curent boyfriend, make him an ex. It doesn't bode well. What else does he do to control you? If you've been depressed, what has he done to take care of you? And what part of his behaviour and his relationship contributes to your depression? Plenty of women are depressed when 'in' a relationship, and miraculously cured of it when they are out of it. Check out whether this man contributes to your life, or drains it. I imagine he does a lot more stuff that is distrubing if he's gone as far as to think he can watch and track your every move.

Charlize43 · 03/10/2021 21:10

I would return his car to him and also finish the relationship as tracking you was wrong.

Babymamamama · 03/10/2021 21:12

I don’t understand this. Is he your current or ex partner? Why the maintenance payments? Why could he not put a tracker on his car?

ANameChangeAgain · 03/10/2021 21:15

This sounds like an odd sort of relationship. Regardless, he is tracking you then gas lighting you saying he is protecting you.

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