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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why my nephew hates me

36 replies

Scottishnurse · 03/10/2021 18:42

My 2yo nephew absolutely hates me. I know that sounds so daft but it's true. Every time I am in his company he points at my and shouts no. He won't engage with me in any way. He barely looks at me.

I know this sounds ridiculous talking about a baby like this but it is absolutely true.

I find it so upsetting. How do I fix it? I've never experienced this with a child before.

OP posts:
Darkrainbow · 03/10/2021 18:44

Do you look your sibling? I had this for a while with my niece, I think it was you look like mummy but your not and that's scary to me.

EileenGC · 03/10/2021 18:45

Ignore him. Unless he’s left in your sole care, that is.

Children go through phases. In 2 months you could be his best friend, or he could still hate you, who knows.

Has he always been like this? Or did he ‘tolerate’ you when he was younger?

Just today I met two friends’ children - one 13 months, the other 2y10m. It’s the first time the baby ‘allowed’ me to spend half an hour playing with him and was happy being picked up. The older boy used to just want cuddles and to play with me non-stop a few months ago, today he didn’t even look at me once. They’re kids.

EllieSattler · 03/10/2021 18:48

@Darkrainbow

Do you look your sibling? I had this for a while with my niece, I think it was you look like mummy but your not and that's scary to me.
Oh I was going to say this. My nephew wasn't keen on me, one day I lifted him from his cot when he woke up and he smiled and cooed at me then realised suddenly I wasn't my sister and freaked out. Took him aaaages to forgive me.

He's 10 and likes me now :)

WilliamWonka · 03/10/2021 18:48

YABU. You don’t know that he absolutely hates you. Perhaps he is going through a phase of not really feeling you as a person, at the moment? Also, he’s only a baby so he can’t control his own thoughts or be treating you this way maliciously and purposely. I think you need to get a hold of yourself tbh.

HotPenguin · 03/10/2021 18:51

I would guess it's because you take away the attention of his mum/dad by chatting to them when you visit. I wouldn't worry about it too much, he needs to get used to the fact that his parents speak to other people.

Crocky · 03/10/2021 18:52

My dd hated my brother at that age. He turned into one of her favourite people a year or so later.

Iblinkedandiamold · 03/10/2021 18:54

Do what I do, bribe them. My youngest nephew will say no to me too. He loves me when I give him food too.
The older nephew has moments when he hates me, then sonetimes I am allowed (made) play lego with him.
I bribe him with ice cream and playdough.
Grin

Original poster
Scottishnurse · 03/10/2021 19:02

His mum and I do look alike. Im about twice the size of her though.

Maybe he looks at me as fat mama and is freaked 🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
twinkletoedelephant · 03/10/2021 19:06

Buy a small wooden farm play set (or trains) go in and sit on the floor totally ignoring them. Then have a fantastic time playing farms or trains making all the noises 😀 their curiosity will get the better of them ;)

JustLyra · 03/10/2021 19:06

It’s probably because you look at your sibling

Also do you babysit him often? My nephew currently really dislikes me, but it’s because I’ve temporarily been minding him once a week and he associates me with his Mummy leaving for a couple of hours.

JustLyra · 03/10/2021 19:06

Look like your sibling!

Auroreforet · 03/10/2021 19:08

My ds was scared of bil, he used to hide behind the sofa.
Dh and bil used to look alike. They don't now.

Rtmhwales · 03/10/2021 19:11

My three year old does this to his own dad. Kids are weird. We are hoping it's a phase.

Original poster
Scottishnurse · 03/10/2021 19:13

@JustLyra

It’s probably because you look at your sibling

Also do you babysit him often? My nephew currently really dislikes me, but it’s because I’ve temporarily been minding him once a week and he associates me with his Mummy leaving for a couple of hours.

No I don't babysit him. I wish I did I've offered a few times but dsis doesn't allow him up as she doesnt think he would settle with me.

My mum was babysitting him the other day and I went to hers and I mentioned that I would take him instead sometimes and she said absolutely not he wouldn't go.

Its a shame too because he totally loves my dcs

OP posts:
FilthyforFirth · 03/10/2021 19:13

Just persevere. My niece really didnt like me until she was nearly 3. She would cry if I was in the room! I just kept on and she loves me now!

Original poster
Scottishnurse · 03/10/2021 19:14

@Rtmhwales

My three year old does this to his own dad. Kids are weird. We are hoping it's a phase.
🤣
OP posts:
MsShopper · 03/10/2021 19:17

My son was like this with his aunts and uncles around that age. He had a very small ‘circle of trust’. My sister won him over first - she would just sit on the floor and be smiley and eventually he would plop himself down on her lap and show her whatever toy he was playing with. He grew out of that stage and loves all his aunties and uncles now. ☺️

CarelessSquid07A · 03/10/2021 19:18

My husband sometimes has this with our neice. But then other times she's totally happy to cuddle up with him.

He ignores her when she's not in the mood and often within an hour or two she settles on his lap to watch something together.

In his case we think his beard means she struggles to recognise him at times as it can look quite different cos he only shaves every so often.

christmassausages · 03/10/2021 19:19

Totally and compliance him. He'll come round eventually. Obviously tell your sister and mum why you are doing this😄

christmassausages · 03/10/2021 19:20

Completely not compliance

SuperSleepyBaby · 03/10/2021 19:22

Are you trying too hard and maybe inadvertently annoying him?

elizabethdraper · 03/10/2021 19:22

Kids are weird

Newchances · 03/10/2021 19:22

Aw I know this feeling,my nephew announced at 2 that he "hated me" this was just after I had him at soft play - I think the initial reason was because I wouldn't let him take a lollipop (which he wasn't allowed anyway) into the soft play frame - as I didn't want him to choke - obviously.
He "hated me" for about 2 years after that. I always said that's OK I love you enough for the both of us. It was hurtful to begin with (even though he was only 2!) Persevere and hopefully he comes round

Peoniesandpeaches · 03/10/2021 19:24

I tried all of this with one of my nephews but at nearly 10 he still hates me. In my case it’s jealousy as they love my partner and resent me taking any of their attention… win some lose some but I do think it’s weird that your family aren’t helping him to get through this with you.

PetuniaButterworth · 03/10/2021 19:35

DH nephew took a sudden dislike to me when he was about three. I was heart broken, kids normally love me.

I gave him space but always said hello, asked him how he was and said good bye. I never forced anything. Last month, finally after four years I got a hug.