Is it time to cut all ties?

[Hmumoftw0]

This is going to be a long one so please bare with me!

Iv never had a great relationship with my dad, he stilled lived in my family home until recently but my parents had been separated for a few years so I have been forced to see and speak to him.

My sister was always his favourite and he never really made an effort to have a bond with me, my niece moved in when I was 12 then she became the next favourite, then my second niece and now my nephew is the golden boy (I don't blame any of them and love them all lots!)

My problem is I now have 2 children of my own 5 and 1, he has never made effort with them I recently moved a lot closer to home and even now he doesn't come to see them!

He moved out of the house and since has been having the 3 children regularly taking them for days out, sleepovers, treats them to dinner and ice cream etc but he never bothered with the 2 girls whilst living there, he also posts this all over fb and the 3 children tell me daughter when ever they're seeing grandad.

At the minute she doesn't seem bothered by it, she is very blessed to have two parents that love her and I always distract her when its mentioned.

My AIBU is should I just officially cut him of now? Should I text and say please don't show up at my house as I no longer want a relationship (not that there is one?) I don't want to have to do his birthday or buy him Christmas presents for the sake of it but it will also make it awkward for my sister if she ever got married had a baby (party's) etc

I feel like I totally shut my emotions of from him a long time ago but now it could effect my children it hurts?

What do I do 😔

I wouldn’t make a big announcement unless you want it all to come to a head and be discussed. I’d just stop making any effort. Don’t visit him. If he comes to your house, tell him that you’re just about to go out. Don’t answer if he phones. Just distance yourself.

@SeaAndTea we have tried this but them he rings when he needs help with something he rings DH mainly as I ignore his calls and if DH does he shows up and I feel so awkward I let him in (I hate people showing up without texting first) plus DD gets excited if he does show up! Never to see us though only if he needs something 🤦🏻‍♀️

Personally I wouldn’t say anything to him from your op he doesn’t seem to acknowledge your existence. Does he send you or your children gifts? I’d just stop with the gifts, if he’s cheeky enough to ask why then id probably say something.

How old are your nieces and nephews?

@IggyAce He bought my daughter a presents for her birthday, I think my mum reminded him it was coming up and he asked me what she wanted, that was a month ago, he came round after school it was all a bit rushed as we was going out so I told him to come back again for a coffee! Not spoken to him since.

@Hankunamatata Younger two are 4 and 7 older is in her teens!

we have tried this but them he rings when he needs help with something he rings DH mainly as I ignore his calls and if DH does he shows up and I feel so awkward I let him in (I hate people showing up without texting first) plus DD gets excited if he does show up! Never to see us though only if he needs something

You need to stop feeling awkward and letting him in. Does he feel awkward when not including your children or only coming round if it’s to benefit himself? But, I know it can be easier said than done to be ‘off’ with him if it’s not in your nature.

If you really can’t do it then, yes, send a text saying you no longer want contact. Be clear about why and then just ignore. Be ready for him to be the victim though. 🙄
Just remember why you’re doing it. People don’t consider no contact for no reason. You don’t have to have anyone in your life that you don’t want to. I cut a few people out of my life a few years ago now and it really helped my mental health. Good luck.

Fade out if you want, some of people men especially are so useless when it comes to keeping up contact

@SeaAndTea thanks I have become really soft over the years and always feel bad, he will definitely be the victim and slag me of to anyone that will listen!

@Autumngoldleaf He seems to do really well with the 3 step grandchildren though, rings my nephew every day!

Dh can block him. He is using him as a way to prevent you managing your relationship with him.
If he turns up you grab coats and say shame he didn't ring as you are just off out... Rinse and repeat...