Are you or your partner a moody sodd in the morning?

[DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou]

If so - how do you handle it?

Been with DH for 25 years and he's always been a moody a-hole in the morning. Before we had kids and since.

He snaps at us, has a face like thunder, and is generally a horrible person before 10.30.

The person after 10.30 is a different person.

We (me and the kids) have to avoid him, don't look at, don't talk to him because anything will set him off.

This morning he swanned out of bed at 10.30 happy as Larry, which already pissed me off.
We have to put up with a monster or Im up at sparrows fart with the kids alone.

Then he happily swans about to house doing general DIY while I look after the kids.

Worse still, he seemed to think he was doing me a favour! By staying out of our way, then getting odd jobs done!

Oh how I would love to laze around til 10.30 then idly wander round the house doing odd little things while stepping back, child free, and looking at said job happily.

Before anyone starts saying LTB, it isnt a LTB situation so I'm not going to even read those messages.

And the preempt a few suggestions - I'm not staying in bed til 10.30 because not only do I not want to/have any desire to, I would never leave the kids to his morning wrath.

And no, a hotel every weekend does not solve this.

If you're partner or indeed you are hellish in the morning, what helps??

I'm hellish in the evening when tired. It's much easier to deal with, I head to bed because all the kids are down for the night.

@UnbeatenMum

I prefer to be left alone for the first half hour and so does DH, but we're both ok after we've had a cup of tea unless it's been a particularly bad night with the 2yo. 10:30 is quite late though. Could he have sleep apnoea or something else that means he's nor sleeping well? Or is he staying up late?

There's a possibility that he does sleep apnoea.

We are currently in separate bedrooms because his snoring is absolutely horrific. Really awful.

He doesn't usually stay in hiding til 10.30 but he was clearly taking the absolute piss today and I'm really annoyed about it.

I've had countless, countless conversations with him about it.

The only thing that always worked was the night before I'd say "can you just be nice to everyone in the morning?" And the reminder always worked.

But I haven't remembered for a while and feel resentful that I should have to ask.

DH. But normally because he’s checked the news and his bank account. I feel like turning off the wifi so he can’t. He’s ok after coffee.

I have slowly reduced the impact of DH grumpy-time by slowly pulling it forwards, after ten years I have now got him to accept 9am as an acceptable time for the world to start revolving so he can't be grumpy after 9am ....

The other thing I did - because he's an owl to my lark - was to make him responsible for the late end of the day. If autistic DS won't go to sleep, after 10pm it is no longer my problem, I can go to sleep in the knowledge that DH will be keeping tabs on DS. The dishwasher goes on at the end of the day and, because it's late, DH has the responsibility of emptying it. He puts the bins out late. So effectively I use him for being awake late in the evening.

Is he happy in other areas of his life OP?

I only ask as we went through a period of DH being incredibly snappy and moody. He hated his job and was just so unhappy, bordering on the point of depression. He just couldn't find happiness in anything!

He retrained and moved careers a few years back and he's now Mr Perky in a morning (as described earlier 😂)

Thankfully he leaves at 8 and I WFH so I can peace and quiet all day 😂

Tiptoeing around him doesn't seem to work as he still does it anyway.

You didn't say how old your DC are.

His behaviour works for him as he gets his own way.

The only thing I can think of is to stop putting up with it. That means he'll rant even more for awhile until he realises it no longer phases you. Ear plugs and a stare until he stops.

@cricketmum84

Is he happy in other areas of his life OP?

I only ask as we went through a period of DH being incredibly snappy and moody. He hated his job and was just so unhappy, bordering on the point of depression. He just couldn't find happiness in anything!

He retrained and moved careers a few years back and he's now Mr Perky in a morning (as described earlier 😂)

Thankfully he leaves at 8 and I WFH so I can peace and quiet all day 😂

Oh yeah! When he swanned out of the bedroom at 10.30 he was very chipper! And he was for the rest of the day.

After the morning is over he is really nice, generous, kind and jokey.

But during that phase, I'm seething and feeling resentful.

I'm a moody cow in the mornings. My partner makes me a coffee and sets the child down for breakfast. I'm ok after the coffee 🤣

No. I think it's not ok to be moody at any time of day.

I'm not really a morning person - ideally I'd like an hour or two before I had to communicate much at all, and I do feel more irritable until I feel I've woken up properly. But I don't make my husband tiptoe round on eggshells because of it, and I don't force him to do all household tasks before a certain time for fear of me being an arsehole.

I keep out of the way and keep my mouth shut until I know I can be a reasonable person because it's nobody else's problem but mine, and I am not a selfish prick.

Maybe ask your husband to try that.

I can't believe you and your children have been trained not to look at or talk to him for a couple of hours every morning in the belief you'll have then 'set him off' being awful (instead of him choosing to be awful). Poor fucking kids. "Don't look at your father, because otherwise you'll have brought his arsehole behaviour on yourself".

I'm really not a morning person either - I'm not rude but I would prefer silence and coffee for the first hour

@GTAlogic - "Fucking Hell, how pissed off is your face?!" - sorry but I had to laugh at that.

I'm also not good in the morning. I often wonder if it's low sugar or something but weirdly I can't eat breakfast, makes me heave. I eat around 10ish. The only way I can cope and for the benefit of others living with me, is to get up before them. I need 2 cups of tea/coffee before I can face anyone. Just me and my DS now. He stays in his room (his choice) so it's nice and peaceful.
Think I've just added another good reason never to live with another man again, lol.

Why have you accepted this for 25 years? . He's clearly not going to change ... Both DH and I are early risers, I realised this when we first got together and our similarity suits us, neither of us is bothered about having a "lie in". But we are both pretty useless after 9.30 pm !

Didn't you realise he would always be like that before you had DC with him?

Why do people think it’s ok to just decide they’re grumpy in the morning so anyone around them has to put up with it?

My DH is moody morning person. I tell him off if he starts being arsey in any ways. It should not be mine and the DC'S problem.

I am not a morning person, I need coffee and a bit of quiet to properly wake up, so I get up before everyone else to make sure I can get my quiet.

Both of us are moody twats in the morning. I'm super moody if I have to do anything/speak to anyone before coffee (tbh my brain literallly does not function until I've had a cuppa). He just sighs and mopes and makes dad noises until he's had tea and a fag. We have an explicit understanding that we won't bother each other pre caffeine unless really necessary. The kids know they have to leave us be until we've come round a bit too.

I tend to make sure I'm up early enough to get a coffee before anyone else has to deal with me. When he gets up, I say a brief good morning then he disappears upstairs for tea and a fag and he's right as rain.

I'm a moody Arnold in the morning..

But I make sure I do a bit more than my husband in the day and that he gets more time to himself to make up for it.

I cant help it when I get up, that immediate few minute window between sleep and waking up I just swear. And I'm not best pleased for the first hour. But 10.30 is pushing it I think

I'm sorry but what do you mean you have to ask him the night before to be nice? Is he 4?
You shouldn't have to ask him. If he can be nice when you ask, he can do it all the time. He's just choosing not to.
I am pretty grumpy in the morning but am fine after a cup of tea. Don't think my husband would put up with me being grumpy until 10:30 every day.
Unfortunately I don't think there's much you can do but I would ask him why he can be nice if you ask but not when you don't?

To be honest, I can't undertwhy you're all pandering to it.