Social Media and Kids - AIBU

[Wheresmysockgone]

I have two boys; 7 and 11 from a past relationship that sort of fizzled out after my youngest was born. And while me and my ex had problems and we do still have ocassional problems, the one thing we agree on is that our boys and their safety come first.

My ex has a new partner, good for him. I'm glad - He deserves love and I've told him that. She has her own DC: 4 and 8 I believe. I've met her plenty of times and she's always been very pleasant. But my issue is; She's a social media lover. She wants to post my boys on Instagram, I've told her many times "No. I'm not comfortable with that" But she thinks I'm being snobbish and trying to control my kids.

For a bit of backstory I have siblings with an age gap (Im the oldest. Three younger siblings) My youngest sibling got talking to someone who may have groomed her before the account mysteriously disappeared and it's made me and my parents very wary of social media. You never know who your kids are talking to - Call me whatever names you want but my kids can spend their time riding their bikes or kicking a football around not staring at a device screen.

I've asked Ex's partner plenty times and very politely to not post my children but now Im at a loss and I'm going to snap at her if she carries on

I dont mind if she sends me photos and clips of them. She has my number - I go through her to sort out visitations and such. But I'm not okay with my boys being posted to Instagram - I dont think it's right to do that - They're children.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned when I'm only mid thirties and being unreasonable. Not too sure

Is her account private? If her followers are all people she knows, the account is private and your children are ok with their pictures being shared, i think you're being a bit OTT, if the reason is privacy, of course.

Your children are coming to an age where they're going to want social media soon too.

If you don't want her to post pictures, that's fine, but your ex is their parent too so he gets equal say.

I think, if the account is private and children aren't being tagged, you're being a bit precious tbh.

@girlmom21

My ex backs me up - He doesn't want them on there anymore than I do. He's not tech savvy. He jokes that he's a seventy year old man in a 35 year old man's body

It doesn't matter whether or not its private. She posted a photo of my son in his School Uniform. I'm just as much a parent as my ex - We've agreed we're keeping our kids off social media so they can be children

I'm not being "Precious" i'm keeping my kids safe

If you don't want her to post pictures, that's fine, but your ex is their parent too so he gets equal say.

Of course he does and up until meeting this women he agreed that they shouldn't be online. If he's changed his mind that's OK but I do think this is one of those situations where the one not wanting the children online should get the final say. You cannot remove the images once they have been posted and as worldy as a 7 year old might appear they cannot fully comprehend why it might not be a good idea to share those images.

I don't blame you for getting cross, you've said no and that should have been the end of it.

@Wheresmysockgone sorry I didn't realise he wasn't happy with them being posted either. If that's the case she absolutely needs to stop. Do you have her on social media? Report every post with your child and get Instagram to remove them.

I think you’re more unreasonable to go through her to sort out “visitations and such”.
Why?
And don’t say because she’s better at it than your ex because she has vagina, because that’s just bullshit.

You might think that’s not the point of your post. But here’s the thing… you don’t want her having the say in parenting decisions for your children - but you’re treating her as their parent in going to her for arrangements. If she gets - if you give her their dad’s role in that, why wouldn’t she also have their dad’s role in deciding on SM exposure?

What is she actually doing on Instagram?

• Recording her day to day life and sharing with friends? The usual - we’re out pumpkin picking type photo? Pretty normal.
• Monetising their existence on a public account designed to build stranger followers with very personal stories? Something quite different.

I think you need to loop their dad back into parenting them, and discuss with him your concerns.

Cross posted so just read that their dad backs you up. Does he? Are you sure he doesn’t just tell both women in his life what they want to hear? Are you saying he has actually told his girlfriend to stop, and she continues regardless?

Yanbu to insist your childrens pictures not be posted on social media. I would be fuming if people posted mine without permission.

OP your only response was very against the idea that you are being unreasonable, so I can't help but wonder why you're posting? You're clearly set in your opinion on this.

I don't think YABU to be annoyed and as a Step parent, can't really see what joy she's getting out of posting these pics. But I do think it makes a big difference to how worried you should be, whether her account is private or not.

Report every post with your child and get Instagram to remove them
This is what I would do too.
I don’t want my DC on social media. I don't want other people posting picture of them either. People I know respect this decision.
If she won’t stop I’d report every single post and tell your ex to do the same. She’ll get the message eventually.