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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

22 years ago I was *Trigger warning for discussion of rape - title edited by MNHQ*

10 replies

Wadog · 02/10/2021 20:09

Still can't bring myself to type it.
Boyfriend at college. Been together about 6 months. He was about four years older than me. I was a virgin. He had been wanting sex to a while but I was too scared. One weekend we had an empty house. I said to him I was going to have some alcohol to ease my nerves and he could just get on with it. I thought he was the one. I got very drunk, very quickly. I remember walking to the bedroom with him. Next thing I remember was waking up after feeling a sharp pain downstairs. I was lying in own blood. I was then dragged to the shower in an attempt to wake me up but kept bleeding. What was this?

OP posts:
Cosmos123 · 02/10/2021 20:13

Are you OK op?

EishetChayil · 02/10/2021 20:14

This was rape.

I'm so sorry it happened to you.

Glitterandunicorns · 02/10/2021 20:24

I'm so sorry, OP. You were unable to give consent, so it was rape. Thanks

Wadog · 02/10/2021 20:24

Thanks MN for updating thread title.
I struggle to use that word so can't type it.
I'm ok thanks OP. it was 22 years ago but I can't get rid of it. It took me about 6 years to realise it was what it was.

OP posts:
Wadog · 02/10/2021 22:49

Feel like it wasn't r* as I consented to just "getting it over with"

OP posts:
Member984815 · 03/10/2021 07:11

It's still rape , I'm so sorry that happened to you

Wadog · 03/10/2021 10:33

I'm not sure how to get closure.

OP posts:
JustLikeSugar · 03/10/2021 11:41

(speaking from experience) Initially I think you really need to speak with someone in real life , rather than unknown people on a forum (I know there is lots of excellent advice from posters here too!). Could you speak with your DH/DP about how you are feeling? Or a close trusted friend?

In parallel, I'd recommend to contact RCC. They would have good advice, and point you in the right direction with respect to support, reading material, etc.

daretodenim · 03/10/2021 16:58

Sounds horrific op. Sorry you were treated so appallingly by someone you trusted.

From my personal experience (and it's not professional) it sounds to me that you haven't processed it yet. I mean literally - this memory is still very alive for you, which is why you can't even type the words on an anonymous forum. That's totally normal for experiences that were too big for us to truly comprehend them in their full awfulness - ie traumatic. This is entirely normal, and when you think about it, something that makes a lot of sense.

I found EMDR therapy very helpful in this. What's attractive about it is that you don't actually need to talk about it all, just what you can do the therapist has an idea. It's not easy, I can't lie, but can be helpful.

I would agree to contact Rape Crisis Centre (RCC) too. You are far from alone in feeling this way about something someone did to you. They will be able to help and at least point you in the right direction.

Oh and you didn't consent. First you were too drunk to consent - or continue giving consent. Second consent has to be willing. If you were truly willing you wouldn't have felt the need to get drunk. Finally, who wants to have sex (and I use that term loosely here) with someone who is clearly neither enjoying it nor conscious?

You did absolutely nothing wrong. At all. He, on the other hand....

Wadog · 03/10/2021 18:37

Thank you. I'm having counselling again. I suffer from self harm, hair pulling.

OP posts:
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