I'm 29 and a single mum and my depression is so bad it's taking my breath away, like it physically hurts. I am on the lowest dose of fluoxetine and up until a few weeks ago I was feeling pretty great. I don't know what's happened but it's like a switch has been flipped. I went from looking forward to my 30th and graduating next year to being numb when I think of all that and not thinking it's very important.
I'm eating shit constantly, I barely leave the house unless I absolutely have to. I can just about put on a brave face in front of close family and friends but inside I just don't want to speak to them. I feel no hope or joy for the future. I have this pit in my stomach at all times. The best way I can describe it is feeling homesick even though I am at home.
My poor daughter, she is 8 and I just have no patience for her this week. Tonight we started playing a card game together and it seriously pained me to fake a smile or laugh. I just want to sleep. The only time I'm happy is when I'm drinking alcohol which I only do when daughter is at her dads every second weekend.
When I am talking to people my mind is elsewhere, I probably come across as pretty normal to the outside world but something feels very wrong inside of me recently. I'm just going through the motions. I have no motivation for uni and any spare minute I lay down as I don't have the energy to do anything else.
AIBU to think I am the only person feeling this bad? AIBU to think this won't pass this time? It feels really painful.