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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would IBU to LTB

10 replies

imaginedragonflies · 02/10/2021 17:58

To keep it brief: husband went on a night out with four colleagues, one other man and two women to a nearby city. At 2am he and one of the women (who lives close-ish) get a taxi home together (it has later emerged). At 4 am I wake up and he's not home so I check find-my-iphone to see where he is and he's at her house. At 6am he arrives home. I am a tad concerned but assumed they'd perhaps all gone back or that he'd have a reasonable explanation. When I asked about it all in the morning he lied and said he and the woman had gotten a taxi alone together, he'd dropped her at her house and come straight home at around 5am. WIBU to LTB? Am I overreacting, underreacting? Just feeling quite numb about it all right now.

To add: I told him i knew he was lying about what happened, that's when he told me he'd left at 2am alone with her and gone back to hers. Apparently he was worried how it would look hence the lie.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 02/10/2021 18:07

Does he have any explanation for why he didn’t drop the colleague home and then come straight home himself?

Not enough info to advise on ending a marriage for me but I’m sorry you are in this situation.

MLMbotsno · 02/10/2021 18:08

It takes him 4 hours to get home. Did he go out 200 miles away?

Does he have form for cheating.

He is obviously a liar.

imaginedragonflies · 02/10/2021 18:09

@MatildaTheCat

Does he have any explanation for why he didn’t drop the colleague home and then come straight home himself?

Not enough info to advise on ending a marriage for me but I’m sorry you are in this situation.

Not a good one. Her marriage is ending and he wanted to carrying on talking and drinking. Unsure why they couldn't continue to do this in a public forum. He was worried about getting taxis apparently.
OP posts:
imaginedragonflies · 02/10/2021 18:10

@MLMbotsno

It takes him 4 hours to get home. Did he go out 200 miles away?

Does he have form for cheating.

He is obviously a liar.

He's now admitted they were alone together at her house for around 2.5-3hrs (he walked back here from hers)
OP posts:
seaandsandcastles · 02/10/2021 18:14

On the face of it I don’t see a problem with him going back to hers and them hanging out together. But it depends if you trust him 🤷‍♀️

imaginedragonflies · 02/10/2021 18:33

@seaandsandcastles

On the face of it I don’t see a problem with him going back to hers and them hanging out together. But it depends if you trust him 🤷‍♀️
Well this is my issue. We've always been very open and trusting. I know he has been to her house before for a few hours (albeit as part of a group) and I've had no problems with it. It's the fact he felt the need to lie about it. Then he continued trying to lie and minimise when I told him I knew he was lying until I told him how I knew and he realised he couldn't really lie any further. Is it just that he thought it "looked bad"? Is it deeper guilt? He claims nothing happened but he felt the need to clarify with her that "nothing is going to happen"...
OP posts:
Shelovesamystery · 02/10/2021 18:42

Sorry OP but this sounds dodgy as fuck. I trust my DH, he has never given me even the slightest reason not to, but if he did this I would assume the worst.

If they wanted to keep talking they could have stayed out. He knew how iffy it would look, definitely not worth it unless he wanted to go back there with other things in mind. It doesn't look good. Thing is you can't know for sure and I highly doubt he'd admit it if anything has happened so it just leaves you in awful limbo. So sorry that you're in this situation OP.

thewhatsit · 02/10/2021 18:46

I don’t think I would leave straight away but the matter certainly wouldn’t be shut. Ask him to check his phone and don’t give him time to delete messages first? - if there are hardly any it could be further suspicious that he has previously deleted anything incriminating.
I’d be telling him that the lie means I don’t trust what he’s saying now and I’m considering our marriage over this so he needs to come out with the whole truth now.

Watchingyou2sleezes · 02/10/2021 18:58

Men will lie by default to avoid aggravation. Of course, as soon as they're find out the lying causes more aggravation than the original situation.
His lying doesn't mean he shagged her but if he fancies himself as a bit of a lad maybe you should watch him closely.
He might be one of those silly arses that likes to play white knight and be a shoulder to cry on etc

Cas112 · 02/10/2021 19:00

Just lying from the beginning shouts he has something to be suspicious about.

What a shame, he should have been honest from the beginning no matter how it may ‘look’ because that’s what marriage is about

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