To message man who ghosted me after sexual conversation

[lightbulbmomentnope]

I had been talking to someone over social media for a few months, and a couple of weeks ago for the first time the conversation got sexual. No photos were exchanged, but it was the first time I had sent sexual messages to him - and the first time in a long time in general, at that.

I know this sounds totally immature, but I quite liked the guy despite having not met. I had had a couple of drinks during the conversation and I do deeply regret it and feel quite embarrassed by it. It’s not in my character at all but I got caught up in the moment.

Two days after the conversation, he has ghosted me. The conversation went dry straight after, and since he has not replied to my last message now. However he is still viewing my Instagram stories (again, I know this sounds very childish).

Two weeks later I’m feeling quite vulnerable and embarrassed and guilty, and I’m not sure whether to message to explain why I feel this way and to ask him to delete the conversation. I don’t think he’s the type of person to pass my messages on - but I also didn’t think he would ghost me as we had talked about meeting.

I know I’m stupid for having a sexual conversation with someone I haven’t met — there was nothing in there that is wrong, just standard sexting. But as mentioned it has left me feeling a bit vulnerable and embarrassed.

I already know IABU for the messages, but what do I do about it now?

You block him and delete him, both on your phone and social media. He sounds like a guy who gets a kick from getting sexts from someone and once he's got what he wanted, he's ghosted you.

Without meaning to sound harsh, you never met him and you can't really know someone from just talking over texts. There's no need to feel embarrassed but just forget about him. It's highly unlikely he will show or publish your messages, but if he did, it says more about him than it does about you and it's done now, so you can't take them back.

Oh no it doesn’t sound harsh at all. I don’t mean I had feelings for the guy, just that I liked talking to him previously. But you’re right I didn’t really know him at all and I feel really stupid and mad at myself.

Block him entirely and move on. No good will come from contacting him again. Let this be a lesson for the future.

No, just block. The last thing you want to do is show him any vulnerability.

Definitely block, delete from contacts and from social media. There are SO many grim men like this online - it’s a power thing. He got you to go one step further. Don’t regret it, just learn from it.

Erm, probably he may have a different idea of who you are and he didn’t like your sexting persona. Did you initiate the sexting it just went along with it?

He is gone, there’s nothing for you to fix, and he is not there to make you feel less vulnerable in your offline life, just be more careful I’m the future. Just delete the conversation, block him everywhere and move on.

No he initiated it and continued to do so for a while and in the end I just went along with it. I will block and move on. Thanks everyone.

Be more careful in the future, meant to say.

Men are dicks

Slight tangent, but, can someone see if I've looked at their Instagram then? (Just having a slight panic at the amount I stalk/nose...)

Also, don’t ever feel embarrassed over your sexual activity. You have every right to enjoy yourself, to sext who you want (providing it’s consensual between you both) and to even have sex with strangers if you want. Don’t ever let anyone, especially not the MN prudes, make you feel embarrassed about that either.

@arethereanyleftatall yes if you’re reading their stories, no if you’ve just looked at a picture they’ve posted

Thank you @ButterflyAway that means a lot!

Phew. And breathe. Thank you @ButterflyAway

@arethereanyleftatall

Phew. And breathe. Thank you *@ButterflyAway*

Haha I wondered the same!

You don’t do anything. You just move on.

As someone who has had a similar encounter recently, I know what you mean about having to think about your boundaries, feeling vulnerable etc.

Hard agree with all the recommendations to block, delete and ignore. Also block him as a IG follower.

At the end of the day all you did was send words. It was a private, adult conversation - you have nothing to feel ashamed of and there's nothing that can compromise you. Move on in confidence. Like so much in the OLD world (as I'm learning every day) there are so many uncontrollable dynamics that can cause possible connections to fizzle out, and most have nothing negative to do with your side.

@Journeynotdestination

Definitely block, delete from contacts and from social media. There are SO many grim men like this online - it’s a power thing. He got you to go one step further. Don’t regret it, just learn from it.

This in spades. ^

Do not give this person an inch @lightbulbmomentnope (I'm not saying 'MAN' because he ain't one!)

You did nothing wrong, and you have fuck-all to be embarrassed or ashamed about. He is a cunt. Block block BLOCK! And move on...

I have blocked, deleted, and removed as an IG follower. Thanks everyone 💓

@lightbulbmomentnope

I have blocked, deleted, and removed as an IG follower. Thanks everyone 💓

Good for you.

@ButterflyAway

Also, don’t ever feel embarrassed over your sexual activity. You have every right to enjoy yourself, to sext who you want (providing it’s consensual between you both) and to even have sex with strangers if you want. Don’t ever let anyone, especially not the MN prudes, make you feel embarrassed about that either.

There’s nothing prudish about taking caution before engaging in sexting with someone you literally do not know. He has clearly been an absolute headfuck for OP to be feeling like this. This isn’t some bold, feminist, liberal sexy encounter- OP feels embarrassed and not great about it. She liked this guy, and he used her messages as wank fodder. She has also essentially invited him in to her social media fold too, despite having blocked him now. He can always make new accounts.

@lightbulbmomentnope - in the future, do not swap Instagram or Facebook details with men who are strangers. You’re very much inviting them into their world and he can always ‘find you’.

Also, if a man likes you- he’ll ask you out. He won’t want to be your text pen pal, then move onto sexting before you’ve shared a bottle of wine together.

Online dating is the absolute pits and it is full of degenerates who will take advantage, use and mislead. At worst, they’ll stalk or kill you. Self preservation is 100 needed and the whole ‘you go girl! You are a sexual being!’ attitude will have your amazing sexual energy spent on men who don’t deserve it.

I would say the same, you don’t need to be embarrassed about your sexual activity but need to know what are your personal limits or better said, what you are comfortable with and what you can do without feeling embarrassed or vulnerable afterwards, we all are different after all, it is about finding out what works for you or not. 🙂