Alcoholism??

[CarlaTownsend]

Okay so my mom I’m not even sure what to say. Childhood was fine etc. hers wasn’t great but she didn’t parent us the way she was parented and for the most part we had the ideal childhood.

Okay so now - I’m an adult with 1 child partner etc okay so my mom is drinking what I think must be a lot. There is a cupboard by the fridge in the pantry where she is most of the day making food etc. the cupboard when I looked today had a glass empty next to a bottle of brandy. Later I checked again there was a full brandy poured out still inside the cupboard. What do I do?

She’s been like this a long time but I don’t know what to do as she doesn’t accept she has a problem but then she does hide it so she knows on some level it’s wrong. My father knows and doesn’t really do much. She isn’t intoxicated at all unless it’s the evening. Daily she’s fine seems normal, functions, clean house etc everything taken care of. So.

You do nothing aside from making sure she doesn't drive your child anywhere or look after them if you think she might be intoxicated.

I do nothing? I just let her continue her life like this. She’s not incapable of taking care of herself or her family etc. no one has my child apart from me or his father. She also doesn’t hold a license to drive and never has

You can’t help alcoholics. They have to realise that they need help themselves.

What is it you think you should do? If she wants to drink, she can. If she doesn't think she has a problem, she won't stop.

Unfortunately your mum has to be in the frame of mind to help and improve herself.

You keep her and those around her safe as best you can
Let her know that you are there for her if she ever chooses to stop drinking
But she has to want to do it op

My mum was an alcoholic for 20 years. It's under control now but that is only because she truly wanted to change and she out the effort in

I mean I’ve never really spoken to her about it to be honest. I don’t think she thinks I know. I’m well aware of addiction and how it works but obviously I don’t know the scope of it with her in particular. I’ve counselled and worked through trauma therapy with addicts and alcoholics I guess it’s different when it’s your own

How much do you think she is drinking?

I don’t live there to be honest so I don’t know. I think she has a glass she tops up throughout the day. She uses a mixer with it so it’s not straight so I’m not really sure. She openly drinks at night but it’s never like withdrawal or anything - I don’t know if it’s every day but obviously she’s hiding it - indicates a problem really.

Op I empathise with your post as my mum is and has always been much the same. I don't really have any answers as it's something I struggle with too but I think there is a middle ground between doing nothing and accepting responsibility, which will likely only lead to heartache. You can try and talk about it, and the impact it has on her life and yours. You can empathise with the impulse and talk about strategies to keep the impulse in check (easier if you do recognise the drivers, which I do), you can model good behaviour (alternative drinks, alternative activities, keep busy, draw clear boundaries (driving, childcare). It's not the answer, but it's not "nothing". And you can keep seeking help and support for yourself because having an alcoholic loved one can be a lonely place.

My friend's mum is like this. Like others say there's not much you can do other than ensure she doesn't look after your child whilst drunk. She's an adult and an addict, it's unlikely anything you do or say will change that.

Knowing what to expect/how to spot if she develops alcohol related illnesses is probably the most useful thing you can do. Stuff like liver problems and Korsakoff's etc.

I'm sorry OP.

Thank you all for your responses. I think I’ve known all along how bad it is but I guess you minimise it when it’s someone you love so it doesn’t hurt as much and you don’t have to deal with it I guess. There’s a few health scares. A few things that could be signs of cancer etc. professionally I’d know what to do but as I said it’s different to deal with when it’s your own family I guess. She doesn’t look after my child. He’s now 3 and has never really been looked after by anyone. I’ve never needed anyone to look after him that’s what I’m here for. When I need my time my husband is here so we manage really well between the two of us. It’s q blessing I don’t have to work really. Thank you all for your empathy, sympathy and kind words. I appreciate it.