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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - Ex moving out (or not, so it seems)

9 replies

PurpleNebula84 · 01/10/2021 22:19

Me and ExP had been together just over 5 years (Oct 2015). We had a little girl in March 2017. In May this year I decided to end things as he basically wasn't present in the relationship and did very little for our DD. I was carrying all the mental load and he refused to acknowledge or support me. I've had issues in the past with anxiety and depression and these are rearing their ugly head due to current circumstances. I am firm that my decision to end things is the right thing to do - we discussed things previously, nothing changed and his attitude and ability to turn things around to being someway my fault, being unreasonable or "mental" have made me a shell of the person I used to be.

Following telling him it was over he said he was not leaving as being 48 years old he was too old to go and live with his parents - he then made the offer that I move in with my parents with our daughter and he rents MY house from me. Er - No thanks.

I put my house on the market. It sells. He had mentioned in passing an ideation to buy it - he had no money to do so, so I accepted an offer. Not happy - tried to bully me, borrowed money from his parents - I still said No as I felt someone unlinked was a far better option and unlikely to cause issues during the process and a clean break was best and least confusing for our DD. He finally accepted this, but still refused to leave. He then puts an offer in on another house and it's accepted.
For the last 4 months we've been living together, initially sharing a bed (2 bed house) and I'm now currently on a z-bed under my DD's bed where I've been for about 3 months. Things have mostly been the same, I've been cleaning, washing and generally all the other things he refuses/fails to do.

I have found out through a slip up by the estate agent his house is completing today. He hasn't breathed a word to me about it. After our DD has gone to bed I've suggested we finally tell her what is happening (although I'm sure she's noticed something is awry). He's then told me that he is waiting until I move before going so we all move together. I've just said "No - you didn't leave before because you said you had nowhere to go - you've got somewhere to go now". He's now gone into a sulk and gone upstairs.

It's now left me wondering if I am actually being unreasonable?
I get he obviously doesn't want to look like he's leaving his daughter, but I reiterated to him he isn't - we're just not together.

The last few months have been hell for me and I just want my own space back.

It's clear that if I didn't find out accidentally, he wasn't going to tell me.

Sorry it's so long, but thoughts please? TIA x

OP posts:
honeylulu · 01/10/2021 22:27

It's your house? Change the locks. If he won't go call the police. His excuse that he has nowhere to go is no longer available.

I'm baffled as to why he's still there ... to be cooked and cleaned for as long as possible? To prolong your suffering? To show you you're not the boss of him ?

QueenBee52 · 01/10/2021 22:27

@honeylulu

It's your house? Change the locks. If he won't go call the police. His excuse that he has nowhere to go is no longer available.

I'm baffled as to why he's still there ... to be cooked and cleaned for as long as possible? To prolong your suffering? To show you you're not the boss of him ?

THIS !!!!

BluebellsGreenbells · 01/10/2021 22:31

It’s your house, you aren’t married, he has a new home

Tell him you will be changing the locks tomorrow and he has until 5pm to take his stuff and leave.

Notaroadrunner · 01/10/2021 22:38

If it's your house why haven't you just kicked him out? I agree with pp - change the locks tomorrow. Pack his shit and give him a time to collect it outside your house.

Slayduggee · 01/10/2021 22:46

Tell him he has to be be out by X date and you will be changing the locks!

PurpleNebula84 · 01/10/2021 22:48

This is thing - I'm not usually a push over, but he was absolutely adamant he wasn't leaving and I knew that trying to get him to go was never to going to work - I've been amicable mainly due to our daughter solely on the premise of his excuse he has nowhere to go and don't want her to think I kicked her dad out with nothing.

It's so bad its almost funny - he reckoned that I haven't allowed this house to ever be his home as there is nothing of him here - I looked around and realised there is F all of my own furniture left - I'm left with my daughter's bed, a table, a TV and my old camping gear! There's actually nothing of me left in this house!!!

OP posts:
PurpleNebula84 · 01/10/2021 22:55

Oh PS. I'm going to give him this weekend to leave - I'm changing the locks Sunday evening 😀😀😀

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 01/10/2021 23:24

Be strong, tell him t9 get put, call the police if he kicks off and change the locks pdq.

LannieDuck · 01/10/2021 23:31

You've been very patient. Time for you both to move on and for him to move out.

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