Was I wrong for being upset

[Boathouse12]

Partner is due to move in with me next week and start a new job. He had plans this evening but said I could come round while he was out and then spend the day with him tomorrow helping him pack. We discussed it last night and I said I would pop round before he left. I had planned to watch tv in his bed and eat snacks until he got in at like 9ish. He said perfect see you then plans had been made since last weekend. This morning I text him and said what time shall I come round late afternoon. he’s not working today he’s then messaged back saying he dosnt want to upset his lodger or make him feel awkward with me being there while he’s out. Annoyingly I’ve packed my bag etc. I got upset and annoyed I’ve had a very tough week and was looking forward to seeing him. Also annoyed at the fact he had all week to think about his lodger and change the plans but didn’t he’s now said he’s coming to mine tomorrow lunch time. He then kept saying he stressed trying to keep his lodger happy go to this event tonight and see me. I’m also having a pmdd episode so am full of rage and feel massively rejected which can’t help things either

I’d think that the lodger has said something and leave it.

Once you move in this won’t be a problem any more

Maybe the lodger has said something to him and he’s trying to be tactful.

Yes it’s only an issue for another week so just let this one go. It would be a bit weird with just you and the lodger in.
Has the lodger got fed up with you going around before?

Sounds rubbish OP!

I can only assume that she you've text him this morning, he's mentioned it to his lodger and his lodger has said he's not comfortable with it (I do see where the lodger is coming from, if I'm paying to live somewhere sharing with someone I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable with their partner being in the house without them).

Treat yourself tonight - a takeaway, good film / book, snacks and a pamper! Hopefully it will help perk you up, then you can make some nice weekend plans with your DP.

And just think - you'll be living together soon and it'll never be a problem again! 😊

Yes I’ve left it I said let’s not argue over it it’s my pmdd making it worse though I woke up very depressed an angry and then this happened I’ve also had some really other bad stuff happen this week but I’m not going to let it ruin anything him and I are both ok now

I'd smell a rat tbh, if my boyfriend suddenly changed his mind about me staying when he's at an evening event...

Surely in his room it is matterless to the lodger if you are there?

@esloquehay what rat?! He just made what he thought was a fairly casual invitation, then realised oops probably should have thought about his lodger first.

I think the OP is being unreasonable, it isnt a big change of plans, just an ordinary kind of reshuffle. If you are going to take this kind of thing to heart though, probably worth mentioning to him as he might not be expecting that kind of reaction when he moves in, and you might want to make it clear to him you don't like last-minute changes to plans however good the reason, so he knows when to make a grovelling apology etc.

@PennyWus he knows all about my mental health and that I don’t like change of plans

Pretty odd - and needy - that you'd want to be hanging around in his house when he's not there, and even odder and needier that you'd get so upset about it when plans are changed.

I honestly don't mean to be offensive, but what grown adult wants to spend an evening eating snacks in someone else's bed? Unless there are massive mitigating factors here - like his house is very close to your work which makes the whole thing logistically sensible - this is all rather weird. Don't be his beck and call girl!

We had early morning plans the next day which meant me being at his was easier due to the difference and we often swap between his flat and mine I actually get on well with the flat mate and we often have dinner with him

Although I won’t be going to the plans the next day as it’s logistically a hassle with getting there and then coming back to mine with him as it’s early in the morning

Could it also be that he may want to stay out a bit later and doesn't want to let you down if he comes home a few hours after originally planned?

Or maybe he just wants his last few evenings of being able to watch, eat and do what he wants before he moves in with you which is also fine.

Are you sure you want to move in with this guy then, if he rides roughshod over your plans with him, knowing how much it will upset you? I don't want to put a shadow over things for you but that doesnt bode well if you haven't even moved in together yet. You say you've been feeling rage - are you able to express those feelings to him in a way he can understand? You don't want to head deeper into a relationship that causes you rage. Rage is a really horrible emotion, seething will make for a pretty uncomfortable home-life.

Did you post recently with a different name? This is very familiar about the boyfriend who is moving in shortly, who has a lodger he doesn’t want to upset. Something about him not taking you to the station next morning?

Whether that’s you or not… this seems very OTT about a simple change of plans. And ridiculous to be annoyed that you’ve packed your bag - hardly an onerous task!

It’s just my pmdd that causes rage not just him personally anything could set me off but it’s currently being managed have my first proper appointment about it next week