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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ExH refuses to do our DD medical appointments

20 replies

beansontoastwithcheeseplease · 01/10/2021 11:19

DD5 needs glasses and it's been a nightmare trying to get an appointment. Finally got one last week and the new glasses are now ready for collection. They need to be fitted rather than just collected.

I currently have covid. DD is negative thankfully.

DD is due to see her dad this weekend (he lives 250 miles away and is down here this weekend) so I asked if they can pop into town at a set time (not middle of the day, deliberately can't be either first thing or late if needs be) for the appointment.

ExH is refusing and states 'we have lots of fun things planned so won't be able to commit to this, it's not priority'.

AIBU for being annoyed?

I could ask my parents if they could take her end of next week but they are already having the other 2 kids as I am bedbound.

He has never once been to any of the kids medical appointments, never changes his plans if they have clubs or gradings to do.
Don't have the energy to argue with him unless I know Im in the right.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 01/10/2021 11:30

Yanbu. Bloody disney dad.

Not much you can do, but I'd message back saying "Are you saying your fun is more important than dd's medical needs?"

AryaStarkWolf · 01/10/2021 11:32

"Are you saying your fun is more important than dd's medical needs?"

Asshole

AryaStarkWolf · 01/10/2021 11:33

Sorry you're not the asshole @Stompythedinosaur I forgot to say I agree with your text idea and the OPs ex is the asshole!

Everydayimhuffling · 01/10/2021 11:39

It's not a priority for your child to be able to see? Fantastic parenting he's doing there. I hope you have that refusal in writing OP

LouLou198 · 01/10/2021 11:39

Glasses for a 6 year old aren't a priority? He sounds like hard work! YANBU.

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 01/10/2021 11:40

He is more caught up in his idea of being a fun dad than actually meeting her needs, like parents do.

Presumably she needs glasses in order to learn well at school. Twats like this generally care about their image, why not text him and say "I'll have to email her teacher to apologise for the delay and ask the school to cut DD some slack with her learning, since I'm ill and her dad can't be bothered."

Im not suggesting that you actually contact the school, just that he might react to the idea that he would be made to look bad in front of others. Knob heads like this generally care about their image.

RedMarauder · 01/10/2021 11:41

In this case you are right.

So argue with him.

Picking up glasses especially from an optician takes 10 minutes if that.

Your DD education is being disrupted by her eye sight.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 01/10/2021 11:46

Does she already have glasses and these are replacement? I would says that’s a less urgent problem than if she needs her first pair and is struggling. He should obviously fit the appointment in but there are degrees of unreasonableness here…

negomi90 · 01/10/2021 11:49

Remind him that fun things would be more fun if she can see properly and picking fun over medical need is by definition neglect.

VladmirsPoutine · 01/10/2021 11:50

Yanbu but even if you do argue with him about it will he see reason and do it?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/10/2021 12:01

Problem is you can’t force exs to do things, much as they should. Email school and let them know the situation. Take her even on a school day once you’re better - just any day jsut to get them.

I know it sucks and he’s a twat but don’t waste your energy!

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 01/10/2021 12:03

I don’t think YABU but not much you can do about it if he won’t do it

HugeAckmansWife · 01/10/2021 12:11

It makes zero difference if they're her first or fortieth pair. They need picking up, it takes 5 mins but they do need to be checked by an optician. I absolutely think you should challenge this one.. I have a very similar ex and its utterly draining. Especially when he lectures me on the 'joy and privilege of parenting' whilst refusing to do any 🙄. Usually it's easier to go for the quiet life but I'd push back with the message above it being more of a priority than 'fun'.

ElvisPresleyHadABaby · 01/10/2021 12:27

He sounds like a proper twat.

sashh · 01/10/2021 12:32

What is a priority then?

I ask as a friend spent 2 hours in the back of a car with her appendix about to burst because her dad insisted on driving her home so her mum can deal.

Ask him if he wants to explain to SS why his dd's medical needs are not a priority and what he thinks his job as a parent is?

Generallystruggling · 01/10/2021 12:33

So his child’s sight is less of a priority than playing Disney Dad for the day? Sounds like a great guy.

Fallagain · 01/10/2021 12:40

@Stompythedinosaur

Yanbu. Bloody disney dad.

Not much you can do, but I'd message back saying "Are you saying your fun is more important than dd's medical needs?"

I complete agree. I would be asking him why he thinks his child’s ability to see and therefore education is less important than a 30 mins appointment.
TartanJumper · 01/10/2021 12:45

She'll enjoy her fn things more if she can actually see.
You are Not Being Unreasonable at all, and he is an ass.

Original poster
beansontoastwithcheeseplease · 01/10/2021 12:49

Thanks for the replies all.

He point blank refuses despite my pointing out that he's not the one who has to take time out for the kids appointments and that she really needs them.

Luckily my parents are going to add it to their list of things to do and can get alternative appointment early next week.

To add bitchiness he wears glasses himself due to an hereditary condition which is what they've found DD has now too. So he really his a prick.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 01/10/2021 14:15

What a waster.

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