How do I tell friend that its hard keeping up with the twice weekly phone calls..

[Loganberry6]

Nc for this. I feel so terrible about this.
I have a very good friend, she's one of the most genuine people I know. She supported me through a really tough time and I'm forever grateful to her. I send her gifts through the post, we pop in to see her whenever I can, and she was the only person I wanted to be DDs god daughter. She treats us like family.
I'm just struggling with the phone calls.. We speak twice in the phone each week and it's never a quick catch up, the call usually lasts over an hour, which I wouldn't mind normally, but she's a responsive talker and I do most of the conversation making.
She normally likes to call me around 8pm and it's just my entire evening gone.. I've tried doing hands free whilst I'm doing stuff whilst on the phone to her, but I'm so easily distracted that I find it hard to focus by that time of the evening.
I've not managed to speak to her this week and it's stressing me out as and keeps asking when I'm free to talk. We've spoken during lunch breaks too and it's my entire break just gone.
It makes me feel anxious when I know we need to speak as I know it's just going to be a long phone call.
I'm a single parent to a pre school aged child. My only time to destress is in the evenings.
I'm so very grateful to have her as a friend and for everything she's ever done for me but finding it really hard to keep up with the phone calls and find myself now making excuses to delay our calls.
How do I politely start reducing the frequency of the calls without coming across as an ungrateful cow?

I’ve had this and just had to be upfront with colleague/friend that it was too much and that I was knackered from work and just wanted to relax in the evening and not talk and could we catch up at weekend. She took the huff a bit initially but we are now back on friendly chatty terms but must less frequently and calls usually don’t last an hour any more. Good luck x

Can you switch at least some of the conversation to email or messaging instead? DP & I don't live together (long story), so at least 50% of our communication is done that way, because he's working different hours to me, his kids & my kids are at different ages, we have a totally different routine. It means we can pick up each others messages and reply when it suits us, instead of being stuck on the phone for an hour. It's still an ongoing conversation as easily as it would be if we were together, but it removes that feeling of resentment that someone is taking up my time when I want to chill, or have dinner to cook, or need to deal with my DC.

It's very easy to let feelings of gratitude become an obligation, and from there slip into resentment - which it sounds like you definitely don't want. Try emailing instead 'Hi friend! God this week's been manic, sorry we couldn't catch up! On Monday this thing happened, what do you think? Did you manage to get that thing done that you wanted?' So she knows you're not cutting her off, or being vague, you're just taking back that little bit of control in how & when you keep in touch.

Why not say - you have problems answering the phone frequently as you are often in the bath, baking, going for a jog etc etc - and try and agree a time once a week when you or she call each other if you are around - that way it's down to one call and it's alternated between you.

Your only option, is to be honest with your friend, and tell her that you don't wish to have all these long phone calls on a regular basis. It should not be hurtful to someone, when you tell them your preferences if they are a good friend. No matter what, you are not responsible for a person who likes to chat for hours, and expects you to feel the same.

I've been in a similar position with a close friend. I tried to find ways to avoid having to talk about it with her, but in the end I had to be open and honest with her. She was much much more understanding than I had expected her to be, and it hasn't damaged our friendship at all. Good luck.

I had a friend who phoned me on the dot of 7pm every night, I hadn't long been home and was trying to make dinner, etc. She would just ask how my day was and then not offer anything else in the way of conversation. I was her evening entertainment and she did not give any thought to my feelings.

I gently told her my dinner was nearly ready but she still persisted with the nightly calls. I then started ignoring the phone and the friendship ended.

I know this person has been good to you but she sounds selfish.

What is your friendship based on apart from duty and guilt??
What do you actually have in common?

You could phone 20 minutes before some event so it sets a boundary. E.g. 'I'm going out in 20 minutes but just thought I'd call you before I go...' 'I'm putting the children to bed in 20 minutes so I thought I'd give you a quick call first..'

She might be quite relieved herself!