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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep my DD off nursery if I’m off work?

27 replies

Whosthecrazy · 30/09/2021 21:54

Not sure if this is a bad thing or not. We pay for full hours but I work 3 or 4 12.5 hr shifts a week. Sometimes weekends, sometimes nights etc.

My dd is 3 and we pay for a school nursery full time. (8:30-3). If I’m off and haven’t seen her properly in ma few days, I’ll keep her off. Is this bad practice? Obviously when she’s in reception I won’t do this but I thought it was ok during the nursery years? DH saying we will be on a child protection watch list somewhere 😳

OP posts:
monkeysox · 30/09/2021 21:56

Yanbu time is precious. But also have a day to yourself sometimes too as that is also precious

00100001 · 30/09/2021 21:58

What nonsense is he spouting?

Child not going to somewhere where attendance isnt compulsory....CALL SOCIAL SERVICES 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨

addictedtotheflats · 30/09/2021 21:59

Im currently on 2 weeks annual leave and my DS is going to nursery 2 days a week as normal. I try to arrange my shifts so I get at least one or two days off a month or at least a day when i start nights hes in nursery. Absolute bliss

Legomania · 30/09/2021 22:00

We sometimes keep ds2 off as we have ds1 who is off for holidays, inset etc. We just let nursery know as a courtesy. There's certainly no obligation to send him in.

Tereseta · 30/09/2021 22:01

HmmConfused what is your DH on about!! Nothing wrong or illegal about keeping a nursery age child at home for any reason!
These pre school years go by so fast, you need to make every moment count. Enjoy your days with your DD

Scarydinosaurs · 30/09/2021 22:02

Your DH is totally wrong. Children don’t need to be in nursery, it’s totally your call. I’d do the same.

Dspx · 30/09/2021 22:10

As long as you are calling the setting to let them know your having a day home as your off then no problem. I used to work in a nursery and if children just didnt turn up we were meant to call and check on them and keep a record as it can be a flag for other issues. We wouldn't have called child protection or anything like that but it would have been noted so he's not 100% wrong your best of informing them xx

pastabest · 30/09/2021 22:17

I assume if it was a private nursery rather than a school nursery he wouldn't be as bothered?

But yeah it's fine as long as you let them know.

Are you not eligible for the 15- 30 hours yet?

DragonDoor · 30/09/2021 22:27

I would say that so long as this routine is not causing upset to your daughter on the days when she has to go to nursery, then there is no harm.

It could be a bit unsettling for a child if they don’t know when a nursery day is coming up, and when they have a stay at home day.

Might be an idea for her to get used to full weeks in the run up to starting school though.

AFS1 · 30/09/2021 22:30

Used to do it all the time with my kids. Never caused them any harm and nursery was absolutely fine with it - they still get the money but with one less child to look after! Make the most of it…school comes round so fast!

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 30/09/2021 22:31

No but you should let the nursery know if she won't be in that day.

I keep my son off occasionally. Although I do like the peace and time to myself!

proudwomansexmatters · 30/09/2021 22:36

I occasionally keep my kids off if i had a rare day or if they were tired so wanted to have a lie in. I've always called and let the nursery know though. I pay for the place regardless but it's the right thing to do to let them know if we are going to be late/not coming.

MissCreeAnt · 30/09/2021 22:42

No it's lovely. Just make sure she always knows what is happening tomorrow, to help her feel secure.

DixonD · 30/09/2021 22:53

@DragonDoor

I would say that so long as this routine is not causing upset to your daughter on the days when she has to go to nursery, then there is no harm.

It could be a bit unsettling for a child if they don’t know when a nursery day is coming up, and when they have a stay at home day.

Might be an idea for her to get used to full weeks in the run up to starting school though.

Not necessary.

My daughter went into preschool for two HALF days a week. She settled into school with no issues at all.

OP, you will need to let them know, but it’s your choice if you send your child in or not. If they are expecting her in, you will need to tell them if you are not going to send her. That’s the only time it might become a safeguarding issue (this was mentioned in my preschool paperwork).

TheGoogleMum · 30/09/2021 22:59

Yanbu nursery probably could do with notice to plan food and staff etc but nothing unreasonable about spending time with your child! Nursery isn't compulsory

LegoLady95 · 01/10/2021 11:47

Agree that you should keep them off if you wish but you need to let the nursery know. It is good practice for them to follow up if a child is expected but doesn't arrive. There was that awful story about 2 young girls at home all day with their father who had died in the night.

Upamountain43 · 01/10/2021 12:16

Polite to let them know but this is your and your partners child you do what you feel is best.

DressedUpAtAnIvy · 01/10/2021 12:19

I used to pick them up at lunchtime instead. They didn’t really notice that the day was shorter and I got loads done (e.g. batch cooking) giving me more time to concentrate on them for several days.

mumofmunchkin · 01/10/2021 12:25

Even if we go down your partner's weird rabbit hole on this one we don't get anywhere serious. Social service knocks on the door and says "your child wasn't in nursery on x, y and z days, what's going on?", you say "I wasn't at work that day and wanted to hang out with my child, we went to soft play and baked a cake", social services glance inside and see a happy child in a happy home, mutter about time wasters and go on their merry way.

fastandthecurious · 01/10/2021 12:30

I keep nursery aged DS off when I feel like it. I pay for him to attend and he's not legally required to do so. It's different with school which is compulsory but it's just nursery! At that age they're not missing anything if you keep them off for a couple of days

SummerHouse · 01/10/2021 12:33

Some kids go full time, some part time, some not at all. If you want to keep her home whenever and for whatever reason, that's totally up to you. It's not school.

Geamhradh · 01/10/2021 12:39

It's fine.
I'd just say make sure that your DD doesn't make the association of "mum not working= fun stuff with mum" and "mum working= me made to go to nursery"
As long as she's happy there, just enjoy it!

Frogsandsheep · 01/10/2021 12:43

I used to do this when my dc were at nursery and I finished work early or swapped my days.
As long as you tell them and are still paying for the place it’s absolutely fine

Fallagain · 01/10/2021 12:46

When you pay for school nursery, do you mean private school or they are attending school nursery and your paying for wrap around care? School nursery normally like you have your child in all the school sessions. In my DD’s school they would have been missing a new phonics sound every day they were off. I would speak to the school.

Blackkoala · 01/10/2021 12:56

Sorry but your husband sounds like a bit of an idiot. Does he really think social services would get involved for you not sending your daughter to nursery for the odd day here and there when nursery is entirely optional and not something all parents make use of…?