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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU Ex refusing to see DD?

21 replies

aibu444555 · 30/09/2021 21:52

NC for this.

I share custody of my DD (6yo) with ex DP and so far me and her DF have had very positive relationship and sharing custody with him has been a breeze. We've both moved on and remain fairly good friends (we broke up when DD was 1).

ExDP has recently started a new relationship. DD has not met the her DFs new partner yet and she's also unaware her DF is in a new relationship, which is fine and I fully support ExDP's decision not to involve our DD yet.

DD was supposed to stay with her DF tomorrow night, Saturday and Sunday and then her DF would take her to school on Monday when I would pick her up and she'd be back with me for the week. DD was really looking forward to go and spend some time with her DF.

This morning however I received and email from DD's school alerting me that one of her classmates has tested positive for covid and suggest DD has a PCR ASAP and another PCR in 6 days time. The school also stated that she does not need to self isolate as she's under the age of 18. I booked DD in to be tested straight after school and also sent her DF a message making him aware that she'd had a test and the reasons behind it.

A couple of hours ago I received a text from Ex asking if it was still a good idea that DD go and stay with him if she's had to have a covid test. Told him it was fine to still go as she doesn't need to self isolate and could still go to school and she has zero symptoms.

Ex then said he doesn't feel comfortable taking DD anymore as his new DP has refused the covid vaccination and he's paranoid DD may have covid and pass it on to him and then he pass it on to his new DP, who he's seeing next on Monday evening so he's now not seeing DD until next weekend because by then she'll have had both covid tests. He kept repeating he believes he is doing what is right by reducing the spread of Covid by not seeing DD but DD doesn't have covid!

AIBU in saying that Ex is being absolutely ridiculous or AIBU and he's doing the right thing by delaying seeing her ?

OP posts:

bluejelly · 30/09/2021 21:56

I get where you're coming from. Technically he's in the wrong. But if you generally get on well and he's a good dad, I'd cut him some slack on this occasion.

Carolinesyear · 30/09/2021 21:57

I think he's maybe be quite responsible. The partner should have had her vaccines but maybe there is a reason for her not to have, I'd let this one go

Glenthebattleostrich · 30/09/2021 21:59

He could not see the new partner to protect her rather than letting his child down.

Wisewordswouldhelp · 30/09/2021 22:00

@Glenthebattleostrich

He could not see the new partner to protect her rather than letting his child down.

Absolutely!

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 30/09/2021 22:02

Why can't he see his daughter and then stay away from his partner for a while? He's basically choosing his new partner over his own daughter.

Quartz2208 · 30/09/2021 22:02

I think it is a mix of both actually. I would though just keep her with you in case she does get it

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/09/2021 22:03

You don’t agree but I wouldn’t rock the boat if you usually get along. Hope DD hasn’t got it.

TheChip · 30/09/2021 22:03

Youre saying she doesn't have it, but you're waiting for the results to tell you whether she does or not. Chances are she probably doesn't, but the uncertainty and the fact dd is having to test has obviously made your ex feel the need to be cautious.

I dont think he is being unreasonable as he feels he needs to be cautious.

Scarydinosaurs · 30/09/2021 22:04

Surely it makes sense to not see his partner rather than not see his own daughter?

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 30/09/2021 22:06

Hmm sounds like he usually a good dad so I would cut him some slack as well.

Viviennemary · 30/09/2021 22:07

If his new DP refuses to be vaccinated for no good reason then your ex is being very unfair. I agred he should stay away from the partner not his daughter.

TheChip · 30/09/2021 22:08

I thought kids only needed to do a pcr if their lft came back positive or they were displaying symptoms? I didn't realise close contact of another positive child was a reason to be tested anymore. It wasn't even the case in my kids school before the holidays.

NailsNeedDoing · 30/09/2021 22:08

He’s being a complete arsehole and putting his date with the new girlfriend ahead of spending time with his daughter.

TheChip · 30/09/2021 22:09

But what if he is worried about getting covid himself?

Chloemol · 30/09/2021 22:09

But she may have covid and until both tests results come back negative you won’t know

Yes I think he should probably take her and not see his new partner until the second test comes back. This maybe an indication of things to come, your child comes second

I would be challenging him on those grounds

KurtWilde · 30/09/2021 22:13

He's putting his date with his new DP over a weekend with his child. That's not the sign of a good dad to me.

HariboBrenshnio · 30/09/2021 22:13

He should surly be forfeiting seeing his partner over his child? We don't get to choose if we catch covid from our kids really, if he was a resident parent (like yourself) he'd have no choice.

Theunamedcat · 30/09/2021 22:15

She is still allowed out and about as normal she just needs to take the pcr as a precaution?

Unless his girlfriend is cev he is being Unreasonable is he going to do this everytime she takes a test? Because winter is coming bug season is here

Covidworries · 30/09/2021 22:16

I would let it go this weekend. If the test comes back positive while she is at dads would she need to stay there for 10 day isolation?

TaraR2020 · 30/09/2021 22:17

@Glenthebattleostrich

He could not see the new partner to protect her rather than letting his child down.

This with bells on

Naunet · 01/10/2021 07:52

He’s picking his new girlfriend over his daughter! If he said he had concerns about catching it himself, that would be one thing, but his concern is about giving it to his girlfriend.

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