To ask for advice re teens and porn

[Puddingypops]

Ok, I had a phone call this morning.

My DS12 went to a new ish friends house after school yesterday with 7 other boys, picked him up after a few hours, no problem all normal.

However I had a phone call this morning to say that the day before, this new friend had a group of boys over to his house and they all watched porn hub, this was why all the boys went to his house yesterday but his dad was home (thank god) and so they couldn’t watch any.

My son hasn’t seen any porn and it’s making me so anxious because he is quite young for his age, he still plays, and I know what today’s porn is like and I honestly think it will upset him.

He prefers to speak to his dad about these things so I’ve already told his dad it’s time to have a conversation with him around porn and how it is in no way a realistic view of sex and also how it exploits women.

I haven’t had the chance to speak to DS as he had already left for school when I had the phone call. If it was a page 3 girl in a newspaper I could cope, but the violent, extreme, hardcore porn that is all over the internet is something else entirely.

What should I do?

Oh gosh this is a tough one OP. I understand how children can be inquisative but at 12 its awful to think about them seeing porn at such a young age, I think your son was being led astray by his friends and have to question what on earth parenting the other boy who's house they were attending is getting,, I am quite a relaxed parent but blimey to think kids at 12 are even discussing these things is shocking to me as it must be to you, I would sit your son down and explain that sex is perfectly normal and important in a loving kind relationship but porn is very different,Porn is made by actors and it is extreme and does not echo real life,,if you can find a way to say something like that in an appropriate way for your son, Telll him too its ok to wonder and if if he needs to know anything its fine and really the best thing to do is to ask you or dad who will honestly answer any questions he has truthfully, You need to take the wonder out of this situation and make it very uninteresting and very factual, I would also maybe say that there are age limits to things and that is because we need to protect kids like him from false information and help them to develop mentally properly,like buying alcohol or tabacco for example or getting married etc,,this will keep it in context and make it boring and run of the mill and take the heat out of the situation, I have no problem with porn but as an adult I can rationalise it and deal with what I see but I think it is a conversation you need to have and also very important to listen to your son,he might not even know correctly anything about it just picked up rubbish talk from friends,Keep it light keep it honest keep it calm and open it will help here I think.There is nothing worse than mum and dad being calm and honest and open to make something seem "" less cool" so fast!!! If you can approach it in the right manner it should be a 7 day wonder and when he knows that you can't be shocked cos you know all about it its amazing how fast the situation will go away. Good luck! Stay calm it will be something else next week with a bit of luck!!! Also praise him too for being grown up enough to talk about it if he does open up it might help too,

The type of porn on freely available sites is horrific. Anyone who isn't worried about teens is not paying attention.

Don't let him feel shamed if he does watch it or is curious ...that part is natural. But he really needs to know the honest truth about what he will see and why its bad fir his developing brain.

Sadly kids are only a click or two away from exrenely degrading and violent porn.

And BTW mumsnet should get behind the campaign for age verification on porn sites

I’d have a discussion with him (either yourself or someone he’d be comfortable talking to) about the difference between porn and sex.
But I’d be careful not to make it a seem like some big bad thing.
A) there’s plenty vanilla porn out there and it’s not the end of the world to watch some when he’s older
B) if you make a big deal it’ll just become something to do in secret.
I was his age back in the age of dial up internet. I was looking at porn. It’s natural to be curious.