I think I need to leave DP, but we have a toddlef

[Dontknowhowtodothis]

I think it’s time I left my DP, but it’s going to be difficult and I’m scared. A bit of background, I stayed in an unhappy relationship for 6 years before him, because I was scared to be alone, it only ended when he left me for another woman

I am constantly thinking what if? But I know deep down I’m not happy. I don’t think I love him, not deeply - we have sex regularly but I do it out of habit, I don’t get anything from it. He is a good dad, he doesn’t have his own proper job but he helps me with the business.

If we were to split, I would get custody of DS, 2, as he is settled here, in nursery, and I am the one on the tenancy and pay the rent. There have also been some issues with DP meaning DS would definitely stay with me.

But I am terrified to be alone. He hasn’t treated me very well many times and I think it’s just got to the point where I feel resentment.

So please tell me. How can I be strong enough to end this?

Doesn't sound like you need to leave, sounds like he does and you need to find your strength or anger to make this happen.

I'm old so, I suggest writing a list of good points and bad and I think you will have your answer.

You are both adults and all you need to think about is you and your child for now.

It sounds like you need to get him to leave and then maybe have some therapy to explore why you prefer to stay with men you don't love and who there have been 'some issues' with than be alone.

Do you not see the contradiction with this?:

But I am terrified to be alone. He hasn’t treated me very well many times

Why do you think you'd be worse off alone?

I don’t know, I’ve always just been someone to be in long relationships, jumping into one each time. But I wouldn’t do that with my child, it would just be me and him and it would take me a long time to even think of introducing anyone new to his life. I guess it’s just the what if that makes me feel scared. What if I regret it? What if I’m not thinking right at the moment? Just not sure how to go about this.

You have relationship with your child. Neither of you need more than that especially if it's an unhappy extra one.

Is he aware of how you feel? You can ask him to just leave if he isn’t on the tenancy but if it’s going to be a huge surprise to him and he’s not hurting/abusing you, give him a heads up!

You can end a relationship any time for any reason.

If you’re not happy stop wasting your time.

What if I regret it?

Why would you regret it?
You have sex you don't want, there are "issues" bad enough to prevent him having custody, you pay the rent, DP doesn't have a job ...

What if I’m not thinking right at the moment?

Reframe that thought.
Supposing you are just starting to think right?
You've been in LTR's all your adult life.
You now have a young child. Quite rightly, when you daydream about the future without your current DP in it, you are not visualising a replacement man. You are thinking about you & your little boy, & finally putting yourself (& DS) at the forefront of your own life.

You don't have to make any sudden moves.
It looks like you hold all the cards, so take a little time & allow yourself to keep dreaming about what you want out of life for you & your boy.
Start to notice the inequality in your relationship.
How you don't get turned on by sex with DP any more, but he either doesn't notice, or doesn't care.
He doesn't treat you well.
He leeches off your business.

What, exactly, does he bring to your life?
I think your subconscious is telling you exactly what you need & want.
Your own life, & a period of calm, settled singledom while you focus on your child, your business, & your life goals.
Where you don't get distracted by men until you have learned to spot & deflect the wrong'uns.

You don't have to be terrified of being alone.
A period of intentional singlehood will teach you so much about who you are, what you want. Up until now, that has been shoved aside in favour of men who have not treated you well.
You can put paid to that.
Far better to be a happy singleton than a put-upon, taken for granted, resentful partner.
It's ok to feel a little scared - feel the fear & do it anyway!

What ChargingBuck said.

Sounds like you know that your situation is not right. You’re independent and he’s leeching off you. He needs to leave 💐

You won't be alone, OP. You'll have that most important little man in your life, your son. And I don't think you'll feel regret; it's more likely that you'll feel relief.
I wish you all the best for your much happier future.