Worried about dd

[Restart10]

We have moved to the UK from another country and it has been such an adjustment for my dd 5yo. She is such an anxious little girl and has always been. She has also started roughly a months at a very academic prep school and is still crying every night as she should be settled in by now. Her teachers and the kids are so lovely, however we do stand out. She was assessed for entry, although in my home country we do start formal education much later. I think the work, and academic side is stressing her out alot. The kids do seem to be quite intelligent and have been there for years so are moulded to the schools level of teaching, and my dd I think feels very behind compared to the other kids. The school really is a very good school with an excellent reputation about being nurturing. Today she said that while doing her work was tearing and wiped her eyes before anyone saw. I feel so heartbroken.
This is the same pattern though, we were in nursery and another prep school in my home country and she was exactly the same. Alot of social anxiety and just overthinking absolutely everything.
Please don't be harsh, Im feeling very down. We have made this massive move for a fresh new start after a very traumatic loss of our baby, and feel like we have no support here and letting our darling girl down by not being able to help her. In our home country she has been for play therapy for many years dealing with this but it seems like it may be her personality. She is very negative and hard on herself. If she makes a mistake, she puts herself down alot. Im not sure where this has come from, dh and I are very hands on parents with all the time in the world for her. How can I help my child?

Hi everyone thank you so much for all the advice. Will try reply to posters a bit later, my phone doesn't allow. Last night was all tears again, desperate unhappy tears. Then she read a book before bedtime absolutely fluently and I think she was shocked at herself, how from a week ago she was just reading word for word. Something tiny just clicked, and we offered a ton of praise. This morning she woke up rushing us to get to school. This may just be one rare occurrence and back to tears again but we will take it day by day. Dh and I are going to spend the weekend talking lots and reassuring her and also building up her confidence. We are going to look at activities outside school as well. Thanks again for keeping me sane here.

I just want to say how glad I am reading your latest update. You and her dad sound like wonderful parents. 💐

Hi @Restart10… Your poor little fairy. She sounds like she is trying so very hard. My DD1 was very much like this too. Super smart, very sensitive, introverted, shy. Probably better with adults that she knew than kids her own age, but desperately wished to fit in. We also did the expat thing a few times, which complicates things also. I have so much empathy for you both. Having children really is like putting your heart on legs and letting it go off into traffic, isn’t it?

As for your daughter’s school… it sounds very much in contrast to what we experienced when we moved from Australia to the Netherlands. (Obvious hostility from teacher, for a start.) We felt like we were feeding her to the wolves. Your school however, is communicating with you. They seem to care about your daughter’s well-being and they also seem to understand that kids are individuals and they all take their own time to feel their way. Moving isn’t easy for adults, and we have the language and confidence to express our feelings about this. Kids have the same feelings but not the lexicon. I think it sounds like she’s being supported and nurtured. If your DD is not neurotypical (is that the correct term?) as opposed to simply introverted, I imagine that this is the kind of school that would have the time and the resources available to a) notice and b) help you access the best help available for her.

My DD1 is 17 now and only recently (May this year) diagnosed as having “ASD Tendencies.” (A toe over the line?) I guess you would say that she would have probably been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, but like all smart cookies - especially girls, she learned to mask it. The diagnosis was a terrible thing for her to come to terms with, but I’m so proud of how she’s beginning to accept her shortcomings and work on herself so that she can be independent and safe. She finds socializing exhausting, but she does it - and is starting to learn to do it well. (Better friends, part-time job, counsellor, etc..) Nobody’s perfect, but she’s proving to be strong, resilient and she’s making smart choices. This is what every parent wants when their kid is on the cusp of becoming independent. She is academically gifted (languages seem to seep into every pore), has a sense of humour so sharp and so quick that she has been offered jobs writing for tv and radio already (and said no, because it doesn’t interest her 🤦🏼‍♀️) and yes, she’s a little clunky socially, but less and less obviously as she gets older. I’m entirely confident she will find her tribe and blossom when she goes to Uni.

Thinking about your daughter - how is she getting on?