Sons dad ignoring his texts.

[Floie92]

Hello all. Ds is 10 nearly 11. Sometimes DS will use I message on his iPad or sometimes use my messenger to message his dad. Just saying hello! Asking how and him and his brothers are etc. Just general chit chat.

My sons dad often takes hours or even days to reply even though the message has been read or he's been active.

Ds is a bit of a bugger and if he hasn't got a reply after a few hours he'll send another asking why he hasn't replied. Not sure if that's the right tbh.

Sometimes he'll reply with a lame excuse like I was at work or I was busy with the kids (his younger kids), or I'm driving etc etc. But it's every bleddy time. He's just got no time to reply to him. Never engages in conversation with him. It really gets to me when he uses his other kids as as an excuse not to reply things like 'I'm busy bathing the kids' etc. Ds is his kid too.

When he does reply it's often one word answer like okay or a thumbs etc. He just doesn't really engage with ds.

To add, he doesn't see him in person a huge amount either. Usually once or twice a month for an hour or two. He doesn't live overly far away either.

Ds just wants to make himself known with his dad at times. Now he's a little older he's learnt that texting is a great way to keep in contact. He doesn't have his own phone yet but will do in time!

No replies again this evening so I've got him messaging Dp - his stepdad - who is at work but to cheer him up.

I feel like just stopping DS texting him altogether and just saying don't bother but what would make me the bad guy. Aibu?

His dad's a dick quite frankly. Obviously sometimes he won't be able to answer straight away, but he could say when he has more time or suggest he calls a bit later .

I wouldn't ban your son from calling his dad, just try and manage his expectation- if his dad can be bothered it's a plus, if not your son will realise for himself.

It's nice of his stepdad to make an effort BTW.

@CheshireChat

His dad's a dick quite frankly. Obviously sometimes he won't be able to answer straight away, but he could say when he has more time or suggest he calls a bit later .

I wouldn't ban your son from calling his dad, just try and manage his expectation- if his dad can be bothered it's a plus, if not your son will realise for himself.

It's nice of his stepdad to make an effort BTW.

Yeah would never expect an instant reply but it's been hours or days sometimes. Sometimes it's been read and ignored which is the worst thing.

I do think he is starting to realise, or he did a while ago, things got a little better but gone down hill again. It's so up and down!

He is very fortunate to have stepdad. Who's been in his life since DS was 1 year old 💕

Is it possible he is just rubbish at texting generally? But yes I would think he'd make a little more effort.

This is the age when most kids test parents to see where they stand with them. Eventually he will realise his dad isn’t worth it and stop wanting contact.

Probably not good on the phone, my kids dad never use to call them or text them at all yet some fathers call their kids daily, rubbish that he is ignoring him though

Does his Dad reply to texts in general? Could he feel like he doesn't want to reply because he is replying to 'you' if that makes sense? (Not an excuse just a thought)

@Woodmarsh

Does his Dad reply to texts in general? Could he feel like he doesn't want to reply because he is replying to 'you' if that makes sense? (Not an excuse just a thought)

Ah yeah that's a point. He might feel awkward that its your messenger.

If ds uses his iPad it comes up with his Apple ID, not mine. He does use my messenger sometimes but I can’t see how it’s awkward. We’ve been split up for the best part of 10/11 years! Plus it’s so obvious it’s Ds.

Some men don't seem to be able to split their relationship with the mother of their DC from the relationship with their DC.

My EXDP is one such man. When we were together, I supported him in getting access and agreeing contact with his son via his EXDW. During that time, he would ring his DS every couple of days.

Now we have split, he refuses to arrange a committed schedule of visits (so sometimes tries to give 3 days notice for when he wants to collect the DC), requests access perhaps once a month, and never rings the DC (via my phone as they are too young to have their own.

Could your EX be similar to mine? Personally I would neither encourage or discourage him from contacting his father, your DS will eventually see him for who he is.