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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this irritating?

60 replies

BlossomOnTrees · 29/09/2021 18:55

Was out for dinner last night with some colleagues. Didn't take the car as wanted a few drinks.
I was going to travel by bus. It was about 10PM and when my colleagues knew what I was doing, some pestered me over and over again so they could give me a lift home. I didn't want this as the bus comes regularly and I didn't want anyone going out of their way. They kept on and on until I felt I had to agree to it. I am in my fifties!
Aibu to say that this was irritating?

OP posts:
Original poster
BlossomOnTrees · 29/09/2021 19:29

Did you read my OP?
They were persistent, extremely so. It is not that I don't appreciate the thoughts but I am a grown woman and wanted to make my own way home.

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 29/09/2021 19:32

I've been getting myself home after nights out for many years, so I would find it annoying too, but I would just smile sweetly and say no, unless of course i wanted to leave at the same time and liked the person

Harlequin1088 · 29/09/2021 19:36

I think in the wake of what happened to Sarah Everard and Sabina Nessa, your colleagues would've been bang out of order NOT to insist on taking you home. You're lucky to work with such thoughtful people.

CourgetteGlutTony · 29/09/2021 19:41

I understand OP. It’s nice of your friends to offer, but they should have accepted your refusal.
There is no need to drive or be driven everywhere, even at night. I prefer to cycle home even if it is dark or raining.

Macncheeseballs · 29/09/2021 19:43

Mmm, the chances of being in a car crash on the lift home are higher than being attacked by a stranger, but let's all panic

Aliceinunderland · 29/09/2021 19:44

Is part of your irritation with yourself that you weren't able to be assertive enough? They were only trying to be nice and probably kept insisting incase you felt awkward accepting.

HalzTangz · 29/09/2021 19:47

@BlossomOnTrees

I am a grown woman and I just felt like they should have respected my choice to travel home a short distance by my own methods.
Sarah Edwards was a grown woman who thought she was safe to go home alone.

I think you ABU to be irritated at colleagues caring enough to want you to arrive home safe

Lavender24 · 29/09/2021 19:49

Nah I get it. I once had friends and one of their boyfriends physically manhandle me back into a house because I was going to walk home. The man actually really hurt me. I was so fucking mad.

Noogar · 29/09/2021 19:49

I think its nice of them to offer but once you'd declined twice, explained bus was due and then you are dropped almost at your door they should have left it. They could have waited with you until you were on the bus.

Noogar · 29/09/2021 19:50

Also you don't know if they've been drinking or not

iklboo · 29/09/2021 19:52

Also you don't know if they've been drinking or not

She was on a night out with them.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 29/09/2021 19:53

I once told my supervisor I was walking about 200m to my car (it was night time, and I was pregnant) and he kept telling me he'd give me a lift, then when I laughed and said I'll walk I'm fine! He smiled but shook his head and said "I wouldn't let my wife do that"
I really hated that 'let'. Gross.

Thatsplentyjack · 29/09/2021 19:53

@Macncheeseballs

Mmm, the chances of being in a car crash on the lift home are higher than being attacked by a stranger, but let's all panic
Do you know the statistics for women who are raped/attacked but not murdered, compared with women who are involved in car crashes? Genuinely curious
Noogar · 29/09/2021 19:54

She was on a night out with them I am aware of that. But was she monitoring their alcohol intake closely? I don't.

DaisyDozyDee · 29/09/2021 19:54

Bit surprised by the response you’re getting. Personally, being cajoled into taking a car journey I hadn’t planned to make isn’t pleasant at all. I feel safer on a bus making my own decisions than in a car driven by someone else. And people aren’t being kind or considerate if they’re not allowing you to make your own decisions.

dottiedodah · 29/09/2021 19:55

Well they sound ghastly not! .They were obv worried about your safety .Did you feel embarrassed as you wanted a drink and didnt bring your car.Feeling that they felt inclined to take you maybe? Just return the favour the next time!

Noogar · 29/09/2021 19:55

@DaisyDozyDee I agree. They offered but being pressured into something you don't want to do is wrong. Even if they think it's for the best.

Wazzzzzzzup · 29/09/2021 19:56

[quote Noogar]@DaisyDozyDee I agree. They offered but being pressured into something you don't want to do is wrong. Even if they think it's for the best.[/quote]
Exactly and exactly!

ItsNotMeAnymore · 29/09/2021 19:56

It's irritating of them but I think you were wrong to accept a lift then complain about it.

FinallyHere · 29/09/2021 19:56

where I felt I had to agree was irritating.

I'm guessing that what you really find irritating was that you went along with them, rather than stick to your own preference.

But then, I honestly can't imagine why you would do that, go along with someone whose opinion of what is right is different to your own.

Janaih · 29/09/2021 19:57

Yanbu. I don't drive. In real life people are always badgering me to offer lifts. I like chilling out on the bus listening to music.

Orangejuicemarathoner · 29/09/2021 19:58

I would find your refusal irritating

Noogar · 29/09/2021 19:59

@Orangejuicemarathoner

I would find your refusal irritating
Why would you get irritated at someone not wanting to do something?
Moltenpink · 29/09/2021 20:03

@Orangejuicemarathoner

I would find your refusal irritating
Why on earth? People are just so odd Confused
LagunaBubbles · 29/09/2021 20:06

You're mote annoyed at yourself for going by the sounds of it.