6yos playing on phones in bedroom?

[Parsley91]

Through chatting with DS1, I found out that when he visits his cousins (about once a week) they sit in the bedroom playing games on phones or on the play station. So it’s DS1(6) and their cousins (8 and 6) and DS2(3) usually plays with my sister in law but sometimes comes in to watch. My kids don’t have phones or a games console and I’d never considered safety regarding this before as they’ve never been in a position where they would use something like this unsupervised.

I don’t want to overstep my boundaries but I know sil doesn’t supervise what her own kids are doing at all when they are out of her sight as long as they are quiet, and when it comes to screen time they are allowed as much as they want and it’s not monitored. My DS says they are just playing games and don’t chat to anyone online (but I’m not sure if he really understands what that means) and he’s never felt uncomfortable with anything going on. However I’m worried if I don’t say something now, it will be harder to enforce rules about this when they are older and more likely to try to chat online or do something inappropriate on the phones.

What do you think? Should I try to somehow ask my sil to stop my kids having screen time when they are visiting ? Or am I being too overprotective? And if I do ask her, what should I say without sounding judgemental about how she parents?

You're not being overprotective but if she's caring for your kids including your 3 year old, you'd be a bit entitled to start bossing her around regarding what they do.

If you don't like what they're doing there, you could have them at yours instead.

Don’t send them then? I don’t really see it as an issue, my 9 year old has a PlayStation and I sometimes let me 7 year old and 4 year old play on my phone, stop sending if you have an issue or have them at yours?

@FortunesFave I get it, but it seems a bit all or nothing. Is there not a little way between just keeping my nose completely out of it or not allowing them to go to the cousins house anymore? I mean, what would you say in my position? I have never asked her to care for my children, it’s just that their gran (who I have also never asked, she asks us if she can take them) keeps taking them there. I am truly grateful that they do look after them, whether or not it’s asked for tho.

@TurnUpTurnip not being argumentative here but is it normal for kids to have unrestricted access to phones at such a young age? It’s not for our family - they play on these things in the living room, not alone and not for that long. They could look up anything ??

Are the phones actually connected or are they old phones getting used as a small tablet?

No they are the latest iPhones, fully connected with access to everything

Do you have internet access? Some people give kids old phones just to play on games but they don’t have access to the internet.

I think you know what happens and can choose whether to ask her to look after your dc.

I don't think you can expect her to stop her dc because you don't like it. Can you stay and distract your dc downstairs?

An 8 and 6 yr old have new iPhone with Internet?

The boundaries need to be your own not someone else's.. no children this age should not have unsupervised Internet access.

Ham it up a bit and tell her oh sorry I'm just a bit strict about that can you talk me through the games they play etc

YANBU. No way I’d let a 6yo have unsupervised access to the internet.
I can always hear what my DC are doing.
I have parental controls on everything and one of the shows they watch on YouTube still had a person shouting “F you” (actually saying F not fuck). I told them to turn that show off and not watch it again.
They wouldn’t have switched it off by themselves but I know I don’t want my child watching something where someone shouts F You or F Off!

Sorry I misread I thought they were playing on SIL phone, like I said I give mine my phone occasionally but they don’t have their own, I think all you can do is stop sending your child then as if you say anything to her it will come across as judgemental and could cause a rift

@Stompythedinosaur @Fallagain they have access to internet. Also I don’t ask anyone to watch my kids , they ask to do it. They will be offended if it appears I don’t want my kids visiting them

I think I’ll speak to sister-in-law, but also educate my kids on Internet safety.

YANBU. There's so much evidence to show that large numbers of young children are being exposed to inappropriate contact far too young via unsupervised internet access. My 8 year old was in the same room as me when I realised that the popular technology vlog he was watching had led him straight into Jordan Petersen, basically talking about how men are the true victims in our world - which is pretty poor, but so much less bad than what others end up seeing. I work in technology and a safety presentation we were shown also had instances of things like a male child searching for '10 year old girls naked', which was not only inappropriate for him, but also a huge risk for the parents if that and his subsequent viewing ever got out.

It really frustrates me to hear of so many people thinking there is no issue or that parents need to be more trusting / less controlling.

If it isn't a childcare favour then it makes things a lot easier. You could just meet away from the house for a while e.g. at the park?

@Stompythedinosaur

If it isn't a childcare favour then it makes things a lot easier. You could just meet away from the house for a while e.g. at the park?

OP says it's the kid's gran taking them there...I assume it's her MIL so makes rocking the boat even harder.

OP. I think you have to say something or you have to go along with MIL.

The alternative is to say no...and not say why which is just not going to work.

Can you go with their Gran and so keep more of an eye on them and maybe get them out in the garden or something?

is it normal for kids to have unrestricted access to phones at such a young age? It’s not for our family - they play on these things in the living room, not alone and not for that long.

Not normal in my family either OP.

I wouldn't be happy with children that young on screens all afternoon unsupervised.

No unsupervised internet access at that age!

Even with the security settings on things can slip through. I know someone who’s 8 year old watched 15 mins of porn when searching for a pic of her favourite tv characters kissing.