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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with the 'best men'

52 replies

bridestrouble · 29/09/2021 10:08

Long story short I get married tomorrow. DP asked his best men (2 friends) to stay this evening and then they were all in the same place and could get ready etc then travel together.

Just now DP has informed me that they are not staying (fine no big deal although they have a record for being late) and they are just going to meet him at the venue later on. This now means that DP is travelling and getting ready alone.

When I asked if he was ok with that he just shrugged and said he didn't have much choice.

AIBU to be angry about this. For context they are friends he's had from school, haven't done a stag or even gone for a drink/meal/activity, haven't paid for anything at all including shoes, shirts, suits, accommodation, food, drinks etc. But I also appreciate that I might be being a bridezilla so need opinions!

OP posts:
diddl · 29/09/2021 13:24

"haven't done a stag or even gone for a drink/meal/activity,"

Did he ask them to?

LukeEvansWife · 29/09/2021 14:36

@diddl

"haven't done a stag or even gone for a drink/meal/activity,"

Did he ask them to?

Exactly. And how many posts do we get on here about a man wanting to go on a stag do. Your husband to be needs to either stand them down or accept that they are like this. If he needed someone to hold his hand help him/keep him company etc, it was on him to find someone.
Holskey · 29/09/2021 14:59

Shit friends, sadly. But he's marrying the person he loves tomorrow so, right now, they're not all that important. Hope you have a great day!

FreedomFaith · 29/09/2021 15:05

Exactly. And how many posts do we get on here about a man wanting to go on a stag do.

Well not really going to get that many considering it's a site aimed at women, but how many threads have we had from women about their bridesmaids who have let them down like this? Loads. And they always get sympathy. Odd how because it's a man, there's no issue and he should have asked. When you're a bridesmaid or a best man, it's kind of your job to do these things, organise them at least, not meaning pay for it all, but you think of ideas, if it's not a surprise party you share them with the bride or groom.

They sound like shit friends to me. I would hope they are planning a surprise, but I'll bet instead they will be late to the wedding and only turn up for the food. If they do op, turn them away. They can get free food elsewhere or try to at least.

GloomAndDoom · 29/09/2021 15:08

Could one of your relatives go with him?

Original poster
bridestrouble · 29/09/2021 15:12

Thanks all. I think he just wanted some company the drive is about 45 mins so not the longest but think he would've liked to have someone with him.
His dad has said he will come in the morning but won't travel with him as he will need to take his mum.
Oh well, let's hope they turn up I'm sure the day will go fine!!

OP posts:
Dollywilde · 29/09/2021 15:40

Oh, that's sad. Yeah, you'll get some 'cool' types on here saying 'does it really matter' - no it's not life or death but being let down by friends who you thought would be there for you on your big day is going to leave you feeling a bit dejected.

I'm glad his dad will pop over in the morning but it's a tough one, I'd be very tempted to get involved in this sort of scenario but it really is your DFiance's issue to deal with if he wants to.

Have an amazing wedding day OP!

junebirthdaygirl · 29/09/2021 15:53

Most grooms l know are with their own family for that night before. My ds has been groomsman a few times now and he travelled to meet groom where he was with family on the morning of the wedding where they did photos etc then all travelled together to church/ venue. If my ds was getting married l would like to be with him that night if he was happy with that.

TractorAndHeadphones · 29/09/2021 15:54

YANBU. I can see my DP’s ‘closest’ friends doing this. They’re such flakes.
His problem to sort out but really I wouldn’t be impressed

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 29/09/2021 16:12

Sounds like they are a bit selfish, did they not arrange anything? No stag do? Anyway, please stop worrying, and enjoy your day tomorrow. Let us know how it went Flowers

TempName01 · 29/09/2021 16:13

Can’t he travel with his mum and dad then? I feel sad for him!

LukeEvansWife · 29/09/2021 19:07

Well not really going to get that many considering it's a site aimed at women,

I think you know what I meant - wife whining that husband is going on a stag do.

BillyBearSpam · 29/09/2021 19:41

I cannot believe some of the replies on here. So it's absolutely fine for the man to have to stay in tonight alone, the night before his wedding, and get ready all alone, when he will probably be nervous.

If it was the bride being all alone I'm sure the tables would be turned.

OP, I hope your husband to be is okay and I hope you both have a magical day ❤

LukeEvansWife · 29/09/2021 20:11

@BillyBearSpam

I cannot believe some of the replies on here. So it's absolutely fine for the man to have to stay in tonight alone, the night before his wedding, and get ready all alone, when he will probably be nervous.

If it was the bride being all alone I'm sure the tables would be turned.

OP, I hope your husband to be is okay and I hope you both have a magical day ❤

I'm sure he could have asked them to arrange something if he was that fussed
Soupseason · 29/09/2021 21:26

He should arrange to meet them in the pub for a couple of pints before the wedding. I bet they'll be on time for that.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 29/09/2021 21:31

Aw that's shit. Bless him. Can anyone else be with him? It's shit to spend the morning of your wedding alone (unless that's what you want for those that say they did)

BillyBearSpam · 29/09/2021 21:51

🤔 isn't that the whole point of the post? He asked them and they let him down.

BillyBearSpam · 29/09/2021 21:52

@BillyBearSpam

🤔 isn't that the whole point of the post? He asked them and they let him down.
@LukeEvansWife
girlmom21 · 30/09/2021 07:29

I hope you have an amazing day today!

WhoIsPepeSilva · 30/09/2021 08:58

That's really sad, you STBDH's friends are shit Sad

Hope he had an ok night and they turn up on time! Congratulations! Flowers

Milkshake54 · 30/09/2021 09:14

Aw I feel sad for your soon to be husband 😢. My DH is a best man tomorrow, we have a small baby at home, he’s staying with his friend tonight on a blow up mattress…

I hope you guys have a lovely day today! All of this will be a distant memory soon ❤️

Didiplanthis · 30/09/2021 09:21

My DHs best man did that, he made it to the wedding on time, but then a few years later was late to my Dd christening where he was godfather, and didn't turn up to DS christening where he wasn't.. we don't see him now but he was one of DH few close friends and he was reluctant to see him as the unreliable self centered friend he actually was .

Balonzette · 30/09/2021 09:40

That's so sad.

Sparticle · 30/09/2021 10:15

Congratulations on your wedding day @bridestrouble Flowers

I agree that it's poor of your STBDH's friends to let him down like that. I really hope for his sake they aren't late :( Can he tell them the time has changed and bring it forward by 30 mins (no need to make up a reason why although I know it'd be unusual)?

timeisnotaline · 30/09/2021 10:23

I think it’s a bit shit of them, they don’t go to much effort do they? It’s nice for the guys to get ready together, ours was at 2 so they had a lunch and some beer, the photographer went around for some pre photos of them.
Hope the best man has a decent speech op!

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