Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you would do here?

54 replies

Stress124 · 28/09/2021 22:22

Daughter has a before and after school nanny. She has been very reliable and good with the kids. She is on a set contract of hours but is pretty low at 12 hours guaranteed pay.
Basically though, daughter has mornings sorted most days (apart from once or twice every fortnight when she has a really early start) as she can use the breakfast club at the new school the kids are now at and which they started last week. They moved schools as the old one had a bad reputation.
Anyway, dilemmia is, kids are saying in front of nanny that they want to go to breakfast club. This then leaves nanny with very few hours and only afternoons. But she is very much needed in the afternoons.
Nanny made it clear she will only work for the guaranteed hours and no less. Does daughter just have to accept her nanny will leave if she chooses another morning childcare option?

OP posts:
fourminutestosavetheworld · 29/09/2021 01:41

I'd be talking to the kids about manners, being polite and not talking about breakfast club in front of the nanny.

If your dd wants her kids to attend breakfast club, just pay the nanny for the 12 hours even though she's only working afternoons, keep mornings on standby incase something changes.

GrandmasCat · 29/09/2021 01:46

I think daughter has to explain to the children that it does NOT work for her family for the kids to choose when to go to breakfast club and that is rude to mention it in front of the nanny.

JSL52 · 29/09/2021 02:34

@Stress124

The kids really enjoy the breakfast club so can't stop them asking to go. In terms of the childminder, DD's work schedule changes each week so she would have to pay a childminder all week as for example, she may need them on one Wednesday but not the following. The clubs are also based off school premises so not entirely straight forward.
You can stop them asking to go. Just keep paying the Nanny for 12 hours - she sounds great. Although if the kids keep being so rude she might make the decision for you.
Elbie79 · 29/09/2021 05:06

@fourminutestosavetheworld

I'd be talking to the kids about manners, being polite and not talking about breakfast club in front of the nanny.

If your dd wants her kids to attend breakfast club, just pay the nanny for the 12 hours even though she's only working afternoons, keep mornings on standby incase something changes.

Both these points very valid
BlackberrySky · 29/09/2021 06:02

I am intrigued to hear of a breakfast club that has children clamouring to go there over staying at home longer with a nanny. Your DD needs to step up and just use the nanny. I can't imagine that the loss of breakfast club will be keenly felt for more than a week or two.

FawnFrenchieMum · 29/09/2021 06:15

Breakfast club is very likely to be novelty to the kids. Mine loved it for about a month then they started moaning about going.

Why did they even try breakfast club? Is it free or paid?

Tbh the conversation in my house would be, sorry kids breakfast club doesn’t work for our family. Please stop asking about it as it’s not going to happen.

DeathStare · 29/09/2021 06:15

Does daughter just have to accept her nanny will leave if she chooses another morning childcare option?
Of course she has to accept it. What else do you suggest? That she imprisoned the nanny in the house and forbids her to leave? Confused Most people would leave a job if their hours and pay were cut significantly (in proportion). Why should the nanny be any different? Your daughter's choices are clear - keep the nanny at the hours and pay she has or lose her.

DeathStare · 29/09/2021 06:16

@FawnFrenchieMum

Breakfast club is very likely to be novelty to the kids. Mine loved it for about a month then they started moaning about going.

Why did they even try breakfast club? Is it free or paid?

Tbh the conversation in my house would be, sorry kids breakfast club doesn’t work for our family. Please stop asking about it as it’s not going to happen.

This
NewtoHolland · 29/09/2021 06:22

The Nanny is worth her weight in gold, it is so so so rare to find someone who can accommodate those kind of hours. I agree that a conversation needs to be had with the children about breakfast club not being an option and that it is rude and unkind to mention this confront of nanny.

FuckingFlumps · 29/09/2021 06:24

I don't understand why she even sent the kids to breakfast club when she already had a nanny covering the mornings?

I agree with others though she would be unlikely to find anyone willing to do less than 12 hours so the logical solution is to tell the kids that they are not going to breakfast club and to keep the nanny on her current hours.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 29/09/2021 08:11

Does daughter just have to accept her nanny will leave if she chooses another morning childcare option?

Well, I mean, yeah!

I’m a nanny, currently working in a similar set up to your DDs nanny and have made it very clear that if my hours are cut then I’m leaving. Your DD will have a far harder time replacing the nanny then the nanny will getting another job

martingrowler · 29/09/2021 10:08

Also depending how old they are, childminders tend to be more flexible. If they're over 8 they count less towards the limit of kids they can have. In my experience once dd was 8 her childminder was very flexible

PlonkyWillyWonky · 29/09/2021 10:15

It's OK to say no to children. Their 'wants' don't top trump the over all needs of the household and how it needs to be run

PenguinWings · 29/09/2021 10:19

Our kids did exactly this- when we have a nanny they want to go to before and after school club. When it's time to go to club they complain that they're tired and don't want to go so early.
I'd suggest keeping paying the nanny for 12 hours, not using all the hours and booking a few sessions of breakfast club the day after they've had an after school activity when it's rainy and they're tired. Then see that they complain about that too.

CoronaPeroni · 29/09/2021 10:29

Just keep her on standby for the breakfast hours. Don't insult her by asking her to do laundry or cleaning Hmm

ChargingBuck · 29/09/2021 10:41

Does daughter just have to accept her nanny will leave if she chooses another morning childcare option?

I don't understand your question.
What do you think the alternative is - stamp her feet & cry until the naughty nanny does her bidding & accepts the loss of hours & pay?

Original poster
Stress124 · 29/09/2021 11:37

As I said, a childminder wouldn't work as the days of needing them would differ and they have so many clubs outside of school.
DD did the breakfast club as the kids really wanted to go.
I don't think the kids were rude to ask to go to it in front of nanny. They are children and probably don't entirely understand that if they get their wish, the nanny has to go.

I agree that DD won't get a cheaper option and is probably best keeping the nanny on the hours she's on.

OP posts:
FallenFromGrace · 29/09/2021 11:43

Agree with all the comments except the ones about offering her cleaning or laundry hours. That's just insulting especially if she has been here and helped your DD when times were tough for your DD's family.

To be honest, I think she is better off quitting . Sounds a bit like she has been used and isn't valued by your daughter or her rude kids.

martingrowler · 29/09/2021 12:05

@Stress124

As I said, a childminder wouldn't work as the days of needing them would differ and they have so many clubs outside of school. DD did the breakfast club as the kids really wanted to go. I don't think the kids were rude to ask to go to it in front of nanny. They are children and probably don't entirely understand that if they get their wish, the nanny has to go.

I agree that DD won't get a cheaper option and is probably best keeping the nanny on the hours she's on.

Sorry, it wasn't clear if you'd investigated the childminder option or just assumed. I was just saying that it's worth asking as I'd made the same assumption originally
Original poster
Stress124 · 29/09/2021 12:16

Yes, unfortunately the schedule changes week to week and a childminder would not be able to accommodate that.
The clubs are most nights as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stress124 · 29/09/2021 18:46

To answer the other question, the kids really wanted to go to breakfast club which is why they went that time when the nanny would normally have them.

OP posts:
FuckingFlumps · 29/09/2021 19:02

@Stress124

To answer the other question, the kids really wanted to go to breakfast club which is why they went that time when the nanny would normally have them.
That seems so random. I get that the children might have wanted to go but why on earth would she send them when she also had a nanny covering those hours? People don't generally pay for 2 lots of simultaneously childcare.

She had the perfect answer in that they didn't need to go as they already had childcare covered. Confused

waterrat · 29/09/2021 19:28

Having been through many forms of childcare your daughter really needs to just tell the kids they don't get to choose. The nanny is convenient and useful and reliable even on a low hours contract.

The kids don't get to choose and it will be a major hassle to find flexible changeable after school care

waterrat · 29/09/2021 19:30

BTW. My kids say they want to go to breakfast and after school clubs them actually they complain.

Ita gold dust to have flexible care in your own home ! That changes each week !

HTH1 · 29/09/2021 19:31

My DC wanted to try after school club and to get the bus home but I just said no as we don’t need those things. They soon forgot about them.