To try to keep technology v limited for my son?

[WellyBoot12345]

My son has ASD traits and gets very obsessive about things. A bit of technology totally sucks him in and he obsesses about it, so we keep it very limited. But he’s just started secondary and is feeling left out because everyone else is talking gaming or football (which he’s not interested in) and he just can’t find common ground to chat with people. I hate the idea of getting him a PS4 or something as I know it will bring on many, many arguments about time on it and him obsessing about it, but equally I don’t want him left out. WWYD? Thanks!

We have an Amazon Fire tablet, the parental control settings are very good and ours is set to only work during the day and only for an hour of games. DS finds it easy to move on to something else as he knows it can't be changed. It also takes me forcing him to stop something fun out of the equation.

I understand limiting gaming, but limiting technology is a step too far. Many careers either depend on being technologically literate or are technological themselves.

His obsession with technology could be the making of him as ASD passions tend to be an area of strength. My DD has ASD and her passion is with robots and technology and honestly, she is so talented at things like building robots, repairing hardware/computers, web design, coding and so on that we have no worries about her being independent when she is an adult.

So, yes limit things like gaming which can be harmful, but think about allowing him to pursue his passion for technology in s constructive way.

My mother 'wanted' me addicted to gaming do that I wouldn't 'go out and do drugs' (I had no intention of doing this) and it was a shit thing to do, really. I had trouble concentrating and was quite addicted for years. My kids are allowed games but never to the intensity I was.

Don't get him addicted to something just to chase popularity. Chances are the kids are playing age-inappropriate games anyway. You can't buy him everything to fit in. It also seems very sad that you'd go down a route that you already know will be filled with arguments and distress.

My son has no interest in PS games but he just finds other things to talk about.

@PlanDeRaccordement

I understand limiting gaming, but limiting technology is a step too far. Many careers either depend on being technologically literate or are technological themselves.

His obsession with technology could be the making of him as ASD passions tend to be an area of strength. My DD has ASD and her passion is with robots and technology and honestly, she is so talented at things like building robots, repairing hardware/computers, web design, coding and so on that we have no worries about her being independent when she is an adult.

So, yes limit things like gaming which can be harmful, but think about allowing him to pursue his passion for technology in s constructive way.

Learning how to use, create and operate technologically is vital. However many young people these days simply consume; they don't know how sites work, how to patch games manually, how to search for files. Universities and employers are lamenting the poor tech skills of a generation who've never downloaded and retrieved a file, or can't find their settings, due to only consuming phone and console content.

Working in tech and struggling to hire new developers, as fewer each year seem interested in studying actual programming, database modelling, dev ops, website design and coding languages. Playing a PS game is fun but teaches none of the skills needed to become technically literate or competent.

Thanks. I would be very happy for him to get into this sort of side of technology (I think his logical brain would suit this down to the ground) but he doesn’t really show much interest. Is there anything you or a PP who talked about robotics would recommend?

My DS manages fine without a PS4 or similar, though he does play online with his phone, for a limited time. They use zoom to chat etc at the same time and play in the same games. We don't really limit the use of coding in scratch, music production programmes, and he also watches things he's interested in on YouTube. So uses tech a lot.

However, I'd encourage your DS to find other kids who have interests other than football and gaming. What else does he like to do? Has he started any clubs at school? Does he play any instruments?

We don't plan on getting a PS4 type thing as it would cause endless problems for my younger DC!

Would he respond to something like an Alexa alarm to show that's time up? Works for my (much younger) son. It takes it a step away from it being you saying "that's enough now." Ds is being looked at for ASD and obsessive tendencies are definitely there, so I'm soooooo glad dh got him into football generally and FIFA specifically eyeroll

@WellyBoot12345

We started DD out on the Lego robotics Mindstorms and then she chose various other kits. Now she is on the adult ROBOTIS kit.

She also is part of school STEM club, maybe your school has one? They are drone focussed now, so she’s been tinkering with a helicopter type drone.

Has he asked for a playstation or xbox?

My teen uses his to play online with friends. Its lovely he keeps in touch with his primary school friends and plays with new high school friends. It has parental settings so he is only allowed 1 or 2 hours a night depending if homework is done.

I agree with @PlanDeRaccordement

I also understand the fear of having your kids sucked into the awful passivity and addiction of constant gaming but banning all tech is counterproductive and will really not help with his education or his ability to socialise.

I think there is gaming and gaming too. I wouldn’t have an Xbox in the house for love nor money - I think they are hideous time vacuums - but my daughter is into Minecraft and that’s really creative and interesting.

I would take some advice from other parents and teachers about it.

Thank you everyone, for the advice. We don’t ban all technology, he is allowed some iPad time (our children have to share one so it’s automatically limited) and he loves minecraft but the vibe at his new school is that minecraft isn’t cool so although he could talk this endlessly, he won’t. He also pays maths games online but again, although this is his current obsession, he doesn’t share this with anyone outside of the immediate family. We’ve tried to get him interested in scratch, but he considers this babyish so won’t really try it. And we’re about to get him a different phone (times are tough and the one that a friend gave us to help out turned out to have a permanently draining battery!). However, I’ve not heard of the Lego robotics so we’ll look into this and the same with the Amazon Fire. Thanks for the ideas.