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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take kids to birthday meal?

45 replies

giraffes2021 · 28/09/2021 18:11

30th birthday meal to be had at a restaurant on a Saturday night late on!

We have 2 kids 18 months and 3 years old rest of the family have 5 kids between them ranging from 2 up to 9 years olds!

Would we be unreasonable to leave the kids at home?? I couldn't think of anything worse than taking our kids for food at 8pm when they normally go bed at 7? Or do we just suck it up for one night ? We will probably get moaned at for not taking the kids as they will say the whole family aren't there?

OP posts:

LtDansLegs · 28/09/2021 19:00

If they actually wanted children to attend I doubt they'd have picked that time surely?!

Myself and DP normally book meals for 8pm onwards to try and avoid families with young children 😬

Original poster

giraffes2021 · 28/09/2021 19:45

Glad it's not just us then!

OP posts:

OverTheRubicon · 28/09/2021 19:49

It would almost certainly be far meaner if you took them, for the others and other diners. Normally I like including children in family events, but not a late restaurant dinner. better for them to get proper sleep and you to get to relax without factoring in children who are half asleep, or grouchy and wired, or who want to snuggle and talk when you're trying to catch up with family.

Lulu1919 · 28/09/2021 19:57

If it was really necessary for kids to be there at those ages I'd have booked a lunch not an evening meal ...leave them at home and enjoy yourselves

2lsinllama · 28/09/2021 19:57

We went out for dinner last week with our grandchildren who are the same ages as your children. We went at 5 (had been out most of the day exploring a city) and thought we would be about an hour. Restaurant was really busy and we ended up staying nearly three hours and the children did so well. Parents had brought lots of things to entertain them and we took turns holding the youngest when he was falling asleep. They were both asleep before we left the car park! I can’t imagine what they would have been like if we had gone out to eat that late. Either reschedule the time or get a babysitter and have a chance to relax.

RealBecca · 28/09/2021 20:03

1 million percenr what @AnneLovesGilbert said.

If people are that fussed about kids then do a kid friendly thing. Its stress for you and the kids.

PhillMcCann · 28/09/2021 20:13

Yanbu op.

I've had this over the years with my sister, who insists the dc are there for her birthday but considers any meal before 7.30 to be far too early. It turns into a bloody argument every year.

It's just a nightmare with young ones. Dc3 is 4 and even now, 7.30 is far too late for him to wait for dinner - meaning I'd have to feed him at 5 and then he's just bored and tired from 7.30, without even hunger and eating to distract him.

I've just learnt to plaster a smile to my face and say I'd be delighted to bring the dc if food is for 6 or before but any later than that and we'll get a baby sitter. Let me know what you prefer and I'll arrange it (then smile and grit my teeth at the endless attempts at persuasion).

PhillMcCann · 28/09/2021 20:15

Myself and DP normally book meals for 8pm onwards to try and avoid families with young children

So do we if it's just us.

I've left my crotch goblins at home, I'd far prefer not to have to listen to other people's! 😂

Rummikubfan · 28/09/2021 20:18

Get a babysitter. No fun in a 3 and 18 month old out in the evenings if there’s another option

ModerateOven · 28/09/2021 20:24

I'd have thought if they booked an 8pm dinner it was precisely so that people didn't bring their children.

Imohsotired · 28/09/2021 20:28

No way! My 3yo would maybe last to 8pm in good humour but all bets would be off after that! I’d be tucking them in at home and enjoying a child free dinner!

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 28/09/2021 20:30

We have literally only just had the first family meal starting at 7pm. Dc are now almost 10 and 13 and so coped but 10 yr old was getting grouchy and tired towards the end.
Before now we've had dinner at 5 or lunchtime (which can be lots of fun carrying on into the evening at hone for the grownups!!)

Driftingblue · 28/09/2021 20:33

I would not take kids that young to a restaurant that late. If it needs to be the whole family, pick a different restaurant, or a different day, or arrange a nice takeaway, or hire a caterer, but don’t set your kids up for failure and misery.

MindyStClaire · 28/09/2021 20:35

God no, my kids are the same ages as yours and the idea of having them out at that hour in public, trying to avoid a meltdown is bringing me out in a cold sweat.

And yes, my heart would sink if I got a rare night out and the next table had small children at that hour.

godmum56 · 28/09/2021 20:49

@PomBearWithoutHerOFRS

It would be more mean to take such young children to a restaurant that late. To the children and the other diners! It's not like it's Granny"'s 90th or something, it's a 30th. Has the birthday person got small children?

this ^^ not very kind to the kids

CBroads · 28/09/2021 20:50

Imagine going out on a Saturday evening for a meal and being seated next to a table full of kids, kids shouldn't be in pubs or restaurants past 6pm not an appropriate place for them at that time.

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/09/2021 20:55

Wow, everyone agrees!

(Me, too).

edwinbear · 28/09/2021 21:03

I’d probably leave a restaurant that tried to sit me next to a table of young children at 8pm on a Saturday night. YANBU OP, if it’s important to the person having the birthday that everyone is there, it needs to be lunchtime or early evening. Unfair on the parents, DC and other diners otherwise.

Timmytoo · 28/09/2021 21:04

We normally eat at 7.30ish as does our 20 month and often go out at that time to places or visit friends. So I would but she's used to eating late. Obviously not though if it's an adult-like venue. But if its generally a family friendly restaurant, definitely.

Feedingthebirds1 · 28/09/2021 21:20

Given what you've said about the expectation that it'll be all the family, I suspect that they might not appreciate it if both DCs were asleep either. They'd want to pick them up for cuddles and to play with them. Hell for the DCs and hell for you the next day.

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