School undecided - private or state?

[Confused4313]

I’m hoping someone can please help me as I’m really confused and don’t know what to do. DD is in a primary school as my plan was always to keep her there till year 2 and put her in a private school from year 3. The private school near us only takes kids from year 3 that’s why I thought this.

I’m just really confused what to do and feel overwhelmed with all the decisions I have to make alone. DH is no help he just keeps saying yes we can afford it so put her in why even think about it. I keep thinking maybe it’s best to wait till secondary and then put her in private. The only decent state primary in our area has a huge waiting list and admissions in the borough told me it’s no point even waiting as there are hundreds on list before us waiting for a place even if we wanted to transfer her there.

Even tho DH tells me we have the money I have severe anxiety thinking about the huge costs involved especially as we have 2 kids who will both have to go. I’m also thinking maybe secondary will be best to spend money on. Plan initially was year 3 to year 6 private then try to get into grammar school which will be free.

Please be kind as I suffer from extreme anxiety and this feels really overwhelming for me incase I’m making a huge mistake.

Op it doesn’t sound like you’re undecided, it sounds like you want people to tell you you’re making the right choice. We can’t do that, we’re not there. I know anxiety makes this hard, but you’ve made up your mind: send her to the private school.

Op your post isn't about the private school bring right for her. You already seem to think it is and smaller classes in themselves are so worth it for the right child.
. What we say makes no difference because your anxiety is coming from what you think you can afford?

So either share all your income /out going /savings and fees with us.
Or go through it all and pin it down with dh.

My daughter is in an all girls school, she joined year 7. Shes 12. She's thriving in the small classes (she has adhd and a little ASD)

My plan was always to leave her in her local primary school then move her which I did. But honestly I wish I'd moved her earlier although it's great she has all her local friends still.

I think you have to make the decision that's best for your child, some kids thrive in the state system some kids are better of in private where they benefit from smaller classes and better pastoral care.

Thank you all. It’s just so much to think about. We planned early on to send to private but now I’m doubting as other issues are coming into it such as she doesn’t really have many friends in her current school (could be my fault as I’m not quick to socialise with mums due to my anxiety) so I’ve been doubting whether I’m moving her for reasons that might still exist in new school (even though I had planned to send her - I know my thoughts make me loopy so must be difficult for others to follow) or am I sending her for academic success. Then if she doesn’t enjoy it will it be a waste of money as she won’t learn if unhappy. We can afford it as long as we both work. Every decision is hard for me even if it seems I’ve already made my mind up.

Hope it makes sense - think I need to sleep and take out if my mind got tonight. Maybe I’ll post a new thread asking questions I really need clarity on rather than waffling snd not making sense. I’ve been told her class will be 24 kids, now is 31. 24 is a lot for private I feel. I imagined 15 kids at most.

I can only speak of my own experience. I had intentions to do state til 8 but my daughter is in a phenomenal state primary which sends about 70% private to the likes of JAGS, WHS, SPGS etc. (London girls schools) The education is superb and is well supplemented by sport, music, arts and languages. We will tutor as necessary when necessary but I'm told that state applicants get preferential treatment. Not sure how true that actually is though but I don't believe that stage + tutoring has any disadvantage, personally. Especially since half the state school kids are also getting tutored.
However, if my daughter wasn't in the outstanding school she is in, I'd be moving her private in a heartbeat. I feel very luck and not displeased to be saving myself £20k a year.
In your case, and it sounds like her primary isn't great, yes, I'd be moving her.

*private

Does the private actively prep for the grammar and how selective are the grammars? That would be the thing that might swing it for me. There are some preps that have grammar prep as their selling point. Others that have a senior school attached may well not do quite the same level of prep for you.

Move now. You need to be working towards the 11 plus from year 4, in private schools they will start to head towards these levels and cover areas related to it. You may still need an additional tutor however if you stay in the school you are currently in you will need to cover extensive work to get up to the level of a good grammar school entry exam with several nights tutoring outside of school simply because otherwise she won't cover the level or range of maths or independent writing needed.

24 is a lot for private I feel. I imagined 15 kids at most. It is more than some private classrooms, but if it were much smaller there’d be fewer options for friends.

DS has just started year 7 in a private school after attending a state primary. We don't have lots of money but have saved up over the years so that we could send him in secondary. He has high functioning ASD and is doing fine and is already one of the top academically even though there are some who went to the private primary school. I'm glad he didn't go to the primary as these children have millionaire parents and I feel this may have disadvantaged him in making friendships in primary as he would have been the odd one out. I feel the money spent on primary education for us would not have been worth what we would have got out of it. Could you not just top up whatever you feel is missing with out of school activities.

I agree with PPs that you are just looking for confirmation and permission for the decision you've already made, albeit dithering with the finance aspect.
FWIW, if she's settled and progressing then I'd leave her where she is. Moving schools is incredibly stressful for DCs especially if they aren't naturally gregarious and confident. You need to be completely sure you can cover the fees if your circumstances change too, otherwise she would have to move yet again (ie you need wealth, not just a high income). I'd channel some of the money saved into tutoring, extra curricular activities, and culturally enriching holidays, then bank the rest in readiness for secondary (if you miss out on the grammar) and uni.

DeborahAnnabel surprised no one has asked but what primary school is this?