MIL judging my DM

[Chuzzle]

I've always had a good relationship with my MIL. However, she came to stay with us recently, and I overheard her talking to my DH (within earshot of my DC) essentially slating my DM for "not paying her way".
What she was actually meaning was that DM doesn't offer, in MIL's hearing, to pay for stuff.
DM more than pays her way. She has a direct debit for food shopping that we do for her since COVID. Whenever we go out she asks me if we need money for food etc. She often offers money to us for our DC or for home improvements (recently offered to lend money for a new kitchen - we said no).
I don't always discuss this with my DH beyond a mention because as far as I'm concerned if DM needs to give us money for anything I will ask her, and if we were thinking of saying "yes" we'd discuss it and have a plan in place to pay her back. DH has historically provided funding for MIL for things like cleaning, without discussing it with me first - which I have been fine with because of course we should help his DM.
MIL has decided that she's no longer talking to me because I called her out on the naysaying.
Now. I totally understand about moral high ground. But we go on holiday and I sort out postcards via an app, and at Christmas I sort out photo calendars of the DC for "interested parties". WIBU to delegate this responsibility, going forward, to my DH, who is currently refusing to address any concerns with his DM because he is "stuck in the middle" and won't talk to me about it any more? I will be making the calendars anyway (because we send them to other people), and I elected not to send a postcard...
I just feel that while it would be petty for me to exclude, I don't see why I should put myself out for someone who is happy to be so openly critical of something that is frankly none of her business.
Grateful for opinions as DH will no longer entertain discussion as "we've done it to death and I'm stuck in the middle". (PS I know that I have a DH problem not a MIL problem, but should I make her a calendar?)

You told MIL she was mistaken. Your DH should have been able to say that to stop you stepping in. He has caused his own situation of 'being in the middle'.

All payments in and out need to be properly agreed and communicated between you both going forward with the expectation that misunderstandings are corrected.

So MIL is not communicating, can't think why other than she was given the wrong impression by DH and/or feels criticised if you equally pointed out funds given to her. You are now effectively cut off until you each agree to differ and DH accepts he needs to communicate better.

Decide when your finger hovers over the order button if you pay for one extra. You're under no obligation to sustain relationships if there's nothing coming in from stroppy MIL. A middle way may be to give one extra to DH to make it his responsibility to hand it over. Include a message on the calendar so it's clear you have been the one to put it together, like happy holidays from CHUZZLE and family, the bolder the better!

I get why you are feeling like this. Take a deep breath, invite her over for wine to clear the air. Don’t need to apologise but hear her out and explain your POV. If she still sulks then you can think about whether you go out of your way for her.

I think it’s worth explaining that your underlying emotion is hurt that someone you care about (DMIL) was criticising someone you love (DM).

Sometimes we think it’s anger but it’s not really