I was brought up to apologise when I had hurt someone, or when I’d consciously behaved in a way that was not kind,
However, dh’s family apologise for absolutely everything. I can guarantee that, within the first 2 sentences from any of his parents or sibling’s mouths when they visit is ‘sorry’. Sorry for being early/late. Sorry for sorting out the kids before saying hello properly. Sorry for not feign able to find a hook to hang their coats of because the hooks are stuffed full all full of my kids coats. And it continues…basically, they are generally sorry for existing.
It makes me feel awful.What sort of person do they think I am? They apologise if I offer them a coffee and they say yes (‘I’d love a coffee, sorry!). They apologise when I ask them to pass the salt at lunch! ( ‘sorry! Here’s the salt’)
But, the crux of the matter is that, for years, I ended up being sucked into this apologising game. I apologised if I hadn’t noticed that the bin was full. I apologised if I hadn’t put everything in the dishwasher yet. Initially, I intentionally apologised for everything, to see if dh would pick up on it. He didn’t, and I got sucked into thinking that was because he always accepted my apology well, maybe it was actually needed?
I’ve now got a grip, and I have stopped being so apologetic for the little things. Fwiw Dh is likely to be xdh soon :(
But it seems that my daughter (teens) is picking up on it :( I’ve been noticing it more and more. She apologised for putting a plate in wonky into the dishwasher this afternoon.
I need to find a way to explain to her why dh’s familial trait of apologising for absolutely everything is not healthy, why their acceptance of apologies for inconsequential things is unhealthy, and why apologies are for important things. Not wonky plates in the dishwasher.
Thank you.