Going from 1 child to 2

[ivfbabymomma1]

First off I'm sorry for posting here, I did initially post this on single child families a few weeks ago but only got a few replies so hoping for a bit more advice here.

I have a 2 year old son and looking to perhaps try for a second (through ivf like my first) and I'm really struggling to make a decision. I know no one can tell me what to do but I was looking for experiences from going from one to two should I be lucky enough for ivf to work again if I do make that decision.

Financially we would get by ok. But I'm a bit worrier and I don't know if I can cope with 2 x the worry but then I don't know if I want my child to grow up with no siblings.

Sorry for the thought dump, it's all I can think about at the moment, sleepless nights the works

Thank you for reading.

I was similarly conflicted. We did it and now have 2 with a 3 yr age gap. It's fine now the youngest is 2. They play together and my oldest today said she'd be sad without her sibling. The first 2 years were tough but now it's good. So far....

@Brysonette thank you!! It's nice your children get on, that's what I'm worried my son would miss out on, a constant playmate.

I was on the fence (as like an easy life) but so glad I went for it. It hasn’t been nearly as hard as I thought. I do have a very hands on and supportive DH which obviously makes things much easier. One of my doubts was about whether I could cope if the child had additional needs and how that could impact my first child. It is a huge decision so you do right to think in depth about it.

Not in your situation as such, but I found going from zero to one was the hardest. One to two was easier.

It does make your life harder, I found the 1st year particularly hard. Everything is tricker to manage and it's more difficult for you or DH to have time to do your hobbies and harder to ask people to babysit. However you have another amazing little person in your life.

I had 15months between my 2, and the first 18months were hell!!
But the are now 5&6 and they are the best of friends, they entertain and support each other and I really think one is easier at the beginning, but as they get older one means you have to entertain them a lot more and find things to keep them amused whereas my 2 spend most of their time amusing themselves!
I love their relationship and I wouldn't be without my no2. She is the cherry on the cake xxx

Thank you for your replies. I think I'm also over thinking it because I paid for my first ivf so obviously I need to pay for this one too. And I almost don't want to get my heart set on another for it to fail. We have 8 frozen embryos left and it's an additional £2k for each embryo transfer so we can't just have go after go if that makes sense (I say I in all this, I do have an actively involved DH) that being said my IVF worked first time round with my son, but who knows if it will work again that's one for a different thread lol

@anxiouscrazymum that's exactly how I imagine it will be, hell for a while and then a lot easier and you properly get the "family" feel. Xx

I’m in the thick of it at the moment, with a 2 (almost 3) year old DD and a 6month old DD.
Some days I find it incredibly hard, and others much easier. But I’m so glad I did it though as my eldest absolutely loves her little sister.

Oh I definitely struggled from 1 to 2. Way more than I expected. In fact both my husband and I agree it's much, much harder! I think I may have found zero to 1 easier. Probably because my eldest was the best baby. Ate well, slept through from 6wks and was always happy, never cried.

It may also depend on the baby and the age gap. I had 2yrs 7 months between mine. Got pregnant much quicker than expected. I was really looking for about 3 to 3 1/2 yr gap.

Second baby wasn't a easy baby, she was difficult to feed and didn't sleep well. She's nearly 2 that hasn't changed much 🙈 She now also whinges quite a bit too and has temper tantrum's!

One of us always has a child to deal with, we get very little time alone or to ourselves. We hardly get to go out. Think it's been 1 night out in 2yrs!

When one or both are ill it's really difficult. Especially if ur other half is working and ur alone with 2 sick kids needing cuddles and attention. Both of mine had chicken pox when baby was 10wks old. Really was not fun!

I'm starting to notice how much more expensive it is on days out etc. Makes me realise how expensive 3 would be! Not that I cld handle 3 😂

It is hard work but I wouldn't change it, can see they are starting to play together more too now.

They are so cute together and have their nice moments. Like when I asked my now 4yr old to help her sister go through an area at soft play. She was saying to the other kids "excuse me, can u let my little sister past, she's only little you know" 😂 was super cute.

Of course there are harder days sometimes, BUT, double the trouble is double the love.
I found my first dc incredibly difficult, to the extent that dc2 (who was a MUCH easier baby) was a pleasure. It was such a relief to me to find that I hadn't been so bad at parenting with my first, it was that dc 1 had been so challenging. So I loved having 2 dc.

However I didn't have to go through the discomfort / pain / cost / stress of IVF.
To do that, I think you need to know you definitely want dc2. Obviously just going on your posts, and I don't know you, but from your posts, I wonder if you are convinced that you do ?

@Kite22 thank you, I do think I do want another but then some days to totally convinced that's it now. Although more of the days I do want one. Urgh I really not an indecisive person apart from now so I'm struggling not knowing what to do. I also trust my gut a lot but in this case my gut is apparently also on the fence 😂😂😂

@thetesdybears oh god yes the days out with 2! I mean I said financially I cope but that's about all I could do... cope 😂 saving for luxuries would be a struggle
That's so cute about them getting on though and ultimately what I worry my son would miss out on 😭

No guarantee that siblings will get along. I found as much bickering and rivalry as any nice playful tines. One if each s maybe that.
My husband used to say that going from ibd to two us quadruple the work, especially if you are on your own. But if you are maternal and love being a mum then go for it. I'm not, I live my kids, but I found it an incredibly hard adjustment to having one, and after two felt my own life really was on hold for several years.

I wasn't sure how we'd cope either but it's been really easy, the second DC has just slotted into our lives, it's like he was always here. To be fair, I have a very hands on DH, so we tag-team, he puts the oldest to bed and I take the baby, same if they happen to have a dirty nappy at the same time (which weirdly happens a lot!!). We have a 23 month age gap and it's lovely.
Baby is 9 weeks now and I've brought them both to the zoo and the park by myself, there's a lot more pre-planning involved but it's manageable.
Good luck!

Thanks everyone for their experiences. I was up all night again thinking about it. It's such a hard decision for me lol

I was happy with one, had an 8 year gap and then had twins. It was still hardest going from zero to one than one to three! I love having 3 kids, I love their relationship and they're all close. It was not easy though. The first 5 years was hell.