Should I really be feeling upset that my husband has lost his wedding ring?

[mag2305]

This evening my husband asked me if I knew where his wedding ring was. He said that he'd taken it off to work out and apparently I'd put it somewhere safe. Now he's not talking in recent days, this would have been weeks ago! He's expecting me to remember when we have a 2 year old, an 11 week old, my husband has just started 2 new jobs and we moved house 2 weeks ago! Doesn't sound promising does it! I just feel sad that it's likely lost for good now, especially as we've moved. I got angry about it as it should have been his responsibility to look after it himself or at least ask me where I put it on the actual day he took it off. Is this just an annoying man thing or is it just me being sensitive? We've only been married 2 years and my husband's ring was made by a friend out of a Victorian shilling (our friend's hobby). I don't think my husband cares as much as I do about it but I do get quite sentimental over particularly precious things like that. AIBU?

I lost my engagement ring twice (different ones) and my wedding ring once. My DH was fine about it each time. In the end I had the wedding ring tattooed on my ring finger and although I have a actual ring it lives in my handbag.

We joke that the tattooed ring is a wedding ring and an eternity ring because it's going to last as long as I do.

** Draggondragon

I can't be doing with wedding rings. It makes me uncomfortable to think of a ring being worn to inform other people of the wearers status. I think if a woman wanted to have an affair with my husband, a piece of metal isn't exactly going to stop her. Luckily I am not insecure or possessive and neither is he.**

Cool story bro

Yes YABU to be upset he lost the ring, because you lost it not him!

Of course it is not your responsibility to look after his ring, but if he asked you to put it somewhere and you agreed to do so, I do think it is down to you to remember where. Or you could have just said no.

No matter who lost it though, keep it in perspective.

God I missed that it was actually you that lost it!

All the people saying wedding rings are meaningless shocks me. Ours were blessed before God in what was a very spiritual part of the ceremony. We rarely remove them. Mine had to be cut off recently after an accident and it upset me hugely. It has just gone off for repair now my fingers are no longer swollen. I was stunned to be told by the jeweller it would cost £2k to replace. It's very simple. It cost £160 in 1991.

The problem is I just can't remember and feel annoyed at myself about that too. On top of the toddler, baby and house move, I'm also going through some post natal health issues and pretty severe postnatal anxiety/depression. My toddler has also been really poorly recently which has been a worry. This year has been so tough.
So in the relation to everything else going on, the ring really isn't important. I think what happened last night, was when my dh asked me where it was, it was like another problem to add to the list at the moment (albeit a very minor problem) and I just got frustrated that he didn't ask me weeks ago when we were in the other house.

I feel better about it this morning. These comments give a good perspective. I remember that my lovely grandad never wore his wedding ring and he was married to my grandma for 65 happy years

I lost my wedding ring years ago. Looked everywhere, even inside the vacuum cleaner but it just vanished. I chose not to care about it, it's just a piece of metal that gets incorporated into the wedding ceremony, it's how you feel inside that counts.

@RosesAndHellebores

All the people saying wedding rings are meaningless shocks me. Ours were blessed before God in what was a very spiritual part of the ceremony. We rarely remove them. Mine had to be cut off recently after an accident and it upset me hugely. It has just gone off for repair now my fingers are no longer swollen. I was stunned to be told by the jeweller it would cost £2k to replace. It's very simple. It cost £160 in 1991.

@RosesAndHellebores I feel this way too. We had a church wedding and I have a spiritual faith so in that respect it makes it more significant I guess. My dad is a minister and actually married us! However, funny thing is, my mum and dad have been married 39 years and my dad lost his wedding ring years ago! Men!

Dh and I both lost our wedding rings within our first year of marriage. Thankfully we had the foresight to realise we would so didn't go mad on them when we bought.

You might have put it somewhere, he might, you have moved since. Probably best chalking it up to general error and moving on.

You didn’t lose the ring, neither of you knows who saw it last, so the blame can’t be put on you.
It’s his ring so his responsibility. Stop torturing yourself.

That's the thing, DH and I are both firm atheists and married in a registry office. I can see why, if you are religious/spiritual you might be more upset.

I lost my engagement ring years and years ago. I chose it, it wasn't expensive, and it's not missed. My wedding band is plain silver, again of no value, but I can't get it off my finger now . But as pp say, there is no spiritual value to them at all. It's just a symbol.

I’d relax, with small children and moving things fray. It’s better it’s just a material possession rather than feelings that are lost, these are though years and there’s always some fall out of the stress.

I’ve been married 20 years. I’ve gone through the stages of feeling huge symbolism about it and being upset if dh didn’t wear his, to losing mine, to finding it and not wearing it and then recently back to wearing it fairly frequently. It’s likely one day you’ll too either lose it for a while or stop wearing it.

I imagine the stress of the move, that you're partially to blame, post-baby hormones and caring for little ones, the spiritual significance you put on them and maybe more are adding to the upset beyond this.

For me, it would be more if he had form for this - handing things off to you so you're always in part responsible for his things. That mental load can be wearing and would add into it for me.

I've lost a few wedding rings - once in front on my spouse by just talking very excitedly with my hands and it went flying, never to be seen again. When I got my current ring, I deliberately bought a set (it's silicone, so easier and more affordable to do that than most metal rings) though since we've moved a few months back, I could only give you a vague idea of where I think the back-ups are. Moving just mushes the brain up good I think.

I think it will turn up OP. You could contact the owners of your new house and ask them to look out for it, but it probably is just packed away in a box.
I also think that just because he says you put it somewhere safe, that doesn't mean you actually did move it - a father of small children shouldn't be leaving little objects in places where his babies can get to them and swallow them, so either way it's his fault. You shouldn't have to be walking around after him, doing his thinking for him. I'd knock that on the head while you are still fairly newly married!

New house . I meant old house

My husband became violently allergic to his ring after 7 years of marriage and it had to be cut off. Neither of us wear our original rings now- mine is too small and his is in bits. I’m more bothered than he is and would like our new rings blessed but he’s not up for it.
I hope it turns up but it’s definitely not your fault he lost it!

@GoodnightGrandma

You didn’t lose the ring, neither of you knows who saw it last, so the blame can’t be put on you. It’s his ring so his responsibility. Stop torturing yourself.

Doesn’t sound like she is torturing herself!

You are allowed to be stressed by life and family events and not remember... but he's had these same events?! I doubt he meant it. Yabu