AIBU that tithing we should be able to not buy all the drinks.

[Yogsgirl]

We have some friends who are tight with their money- think the type that wear designer clothes, shop at m&s for their food, but never go out or on holiday. We are reasonably well off compared to them because both DH and I work, whereas they are less well off because the DW has been a SAHM for 16 years at least! Yet they spend their money on designer stuff, whereas we don't but enjoy eating and drinking out and foreign holidays.

DH doesn't want to go out with them because he says he always ends up buying all the drinks or paying for dinner. They have form for accepting the first round of drinks which DH pays for and then declining a second drink. DH will also offer to pay for dinner, thinking they will pay next time, but this never happens. I don't understand why DH just doesn't say lets split the bill but he's not used to people like this- all our other friends just reciprocate.

He says he doesn't want to socialise with them because of this, I can't see why he just doesn't pay for our drinks and let them pay for their own- eg. "shall we split it mate?" instead of paying for everything and feeling offended when the DH says he doesn't want another drink.

&friends who are tight with their money- think the type that wear designer clothes, shop at m&s for their food, but never go out or on holiday*

They're not tight. They just prioritise different things when spending their money.

They have form for accepting the first round of drinks which DH pays for and then declining a second drink.

If you know full well that they do this, why the fuck does your DH offer to buy the first round?

DH will also offer to pay for dinner, thinking they will pay next time

And why the fuck does he do this?

They don't pay for meals/drinks because you let them! Your DH always offers to pay. Stop fucking offering, and make them pay their own way.

(Bold fail)

I hate this game with tight people it is infuriating usually they've lots of savings too and enjoy talking about their ill gotten gains.
BiL is like this, Dniece had a night out recently she proudly announced she got very drunk but only bought one drink, I was disappointed with her, she has learnt from her fathers behaviour.

@Yogsgirl

I'd be happy to pay just for us- split the bill- he thinks I'm rude! Prefers to seethe afterwards!

This is ridiculous childish game-playing on his part. Pay if you are happy to. If you're not happy to, don't pay. But don't fuck about like this.

* Why would you even want to socialise with such selfish rude meanies. Ditch them.*

^This. I’m with your husband.

@EmeraldShamrock

I hate this game with tight people it is infuriating usually they've lots of savings too and enjoy talking about their ill gotten gains. BiL is like this, Dniece had a night out recently she proudly announced she got very drunk but only bought one drink, I was disappointed with her, she has learnt from her fathers behaviour.

I have a friend of a friend like this. Boasts she got some poor bloke to buy her drinks all night. Thinks we'll all laugh along with her.

Some people have no shame.

If you get on with the wife, why don't you just see her separately? Must you do everything as a foursome? It sounds as if your husband doesn't want to.

You don't have to cut ties, just refuse to have them for a meal or go out for a meal with them. They're users and sorry to say that's why they want to meet up with you both.

I'm with your DH on this one.

Yes, he can ask them to split. But he shouldn't need to. Good manners and general not being a tight arse would tell anyone in their right mind that they should offer to pay next time.

I know someone like this in real life and TBH they are generally an arsehole about everything, not just money. He told his ex wife to fuck off (literally) when his ex wife contacted him to let him know his ex MIL (who he had been close to despite the divorce) was dying.

Oh, the wife's the same! They really like to not spend on what they see as things which are a waste of money. Last year she and I went on a walk and I took us a small bottle of prosecco each to drink with a picnic. We agreed to repeat this a few weeks later and I didn't take drink this time because I though it would be her turn to bring them. She came out with one bottle saying "i could only find one bottle" ... We shared it!

They really like to not spend on what they see as things which are a waste lof money.

In your OP, you sound quite judgy about the fact that they buy designer clothes etc. Aren't you exactly the same? There are things that you view as worth spending on, and thing that you don't, and you judge your friends for having different priorities to you.

It's not what they spend money on that annoys me- it's the fact that they gladly accept drinks when we are paying but don't reciprocate- the designer clothes thing was more to show they are not genuinely unable to afford a drink or too- more that they choose not to spend their money on that- that's fine- but don't invite people out for drinks and accept them without offering to buy the next round in return.

I agree with your oh that I'd rather just not socialise with people like this

@Yogsgirl

You probably have a point about whether we have anything in common- they keep pushing us see them though- mostly they avoid going anywhere and prefer to come to our house- to which they invite themselves- they invite us to theirs about once to every two visits to our house. DH always takes beer for him and the DH, I take a bottle of prosecco to theirs because that's all she will drink- when they come to us they usually just bring some crisps, and occasionally a bottle of prosecco.

Of course they push to meet up with you - you pay for their night out!! If you're not getting anything out of this friendship, cut ties with them.