To not enjoy the weekends

[Wafflethefuckinwonderdog]

Posting here for traffic. It's not a real AIBU I guess but does anyone else feel the same? I'm a teacher working four days with two young kids. Husband pulls his weight but we have no other help as grandparents are too far away. I work my backside off in the week, running around after kids. Jobs like cleaning and general bits and bobs get out off until the weekend as I often have planning to do in the evenings. I just find that I look forward to the weekend but it's the same crap - cleaning, tidying, ironing and sorting out homework. Then I have to do my own work. Husband is grumpy as as he is exhausted too. I look forward to weekend but it just feels relentless and then it's Monday morning again.

Sorry for moaning as it's completely first world problems I know. I know I should plan things to do but I just don't. I suffer from anxiety and take anti depressants and I'm constantly tired. I'm just fed up.

I know I need the use my time better. I have very bad anxiety and I have trichotillomania. It's so bad at the moment. I can spend an hour easily just messing with eyebrows and hair and stressing. OCD is also bad so spend at least 15-20 minute s each night checking doors and stuff. I reckon I waste at least two hours per day with the OCD and trich. Not so much mid week but then it becomes a viscious circle

I think I'm going to use my Friday off to do house stuff and shopping and the odd treat, like a coffee or something, then at least the house is on order.

I was an nqt when my kids were that age and I feel your pain. I eventually got in the routine of going for a very long bike ride on a Sunday night, because it was on my own, in the dark and I could spin it out for a few hours when no one at all would need anything from me.
No idea how I would have managed if I'd been ill too, so I think you are doing incredibly well to just keep moving forward.

Stop ironing. Your DH can iron his own shirts, don’t iron anything else.

Do one free, but fun, thing as a family- it centres the weekend, gives you something to look forward to and stops you just drifting in to cleaning/cooking/arguing. A walk, bike ride, picnic, swim, day out at a National Trust place etc.

Can you afford a cleaner once a week or fortnight? That’ll give you more free time too.

I teach a class full time 5 days, SLT, TLR for 3 subjects. Every weekend we go out for the day (theme park, indoor skiing, water park etc) and relax on the other day (maybe park or national trust place).

It is relentless but don’t spend time planning at the weekend, work smart and not long. Ask for time if there is something extra you need to do. Get a robot hoover and concentrate on making memories with your kids.

You’re replaceable at work but not at home. You can do it, you just need to prioritise and let some things slide a little.

Oh - and send out your ironing!

I agree. Weekends often just feel like a different job.
What I find helps is sending kids to a hobby/class that takes up a good hour/ 90 minutes, which allows me to sit with a coffee and read a book. It’s a short amount of time, buts it’s often the only way to have a break. Other times I’ll go for a run.

I’d also say that massively lowering my standards has helped. I now don’t give a shit if there’s housework to be done. Though realise that’s not easy if you can’t relax in a pigsty like me!

I have Fridays off too OP. I make sure that every week I do one nice thing that is just for me (meet a friend for coffee, wander round the shops, exercise, have your nails done, whatever YOU enjoy) and I don't feel guilty about it at all. Then I don't mind so much about the weekends being busy!

I don't iron either!

Spend each Friday just doing your own thing, if you have ocd your brain will be in overdrive. Make from 9am-11am your time. You can do the house between 11-2. Or if you can swing it a cleaner.

Lower your standards will help you. Give yourself a break.

A cleaner would be helpful for you. They could do 3-4hrs on Thursday or Friday so it’s clean for the weekend. An ironing service can be helpful so you’re not drowning in crumpled clothes on Sunday night. Look into some good storage solutions - it makes it a lot easier/faster to tidy up. All supermarket shopping can be done online and delivered.

I night in the week when cooking for that night or while washing up, or for 1 meal prep time over the weekend, make 1 big pot of something that's freezeable for the following night. So you have an easy dinner night, but freeze at least 1 family dinner for another night next week (it's very little extra work to do a large pot as a family meal size).

Next week, you have 1 night already sorted. And you do the same next week also but a different dish. If you do large enough batches, even if only doing 1 at a time, you get 2-3 nights dinners for the freezer. So you can have choices for "freezer night" each week, and also build up a reserve for any weeks that go a bit haywire (PT meetings, 2 separate matches for DC, weather foul so you need to wash floors to get rid of mud not spend time cooking etc).

Can you buy in help? Send laundry to launderette, get cleaners, get Fresh box or similar for easy meals, online grocery shopping to be delivered etc?

We have a habit of keeping on top of washing by running a load most days, drying on the line if weather ok or tumble drying if not, and tossing into a separate clean laundry hamper hidden around a corner in the kitchen. People can rummage if they need something in that. But we only fold it at the weekend, often Saturday evening on the sitting room floor while a movie is on tv. It seems to take less time doing it that way, DC helps (sometimes) but we are having family time, but there are clean clothes in emergencies during the week.

Having the same type of meals every weekend helps too. For example we often have burgers or pizza on Friday, take away or curry on a Saturday and roast potatoes with some kind of meat and veg on Sundays.
All the meals are easy and it takes away some of the head space around what to cook.

Try structuring your weekends.

Take turns to get a lie in until an agreed time while the other one deals with DC. You on Saturday, DH on Sunday or vice versa. Every week.

Do chores on Saturday morning: everyone including DC mucks in to sort laundry, hoover, tidy and clean. Put on good music. Take it in turns to have a half day off each weekend. You go out shopping alone or to the cinema or with friends. Following week, DH does. Or if you can fit it in, you each take a few hours each weekend.

Spend at least half a day every weekend doing something fun with DC as a family all together. Family swim or cycle ride or bowling trip, crazy gold, farm visit, steam fair etc. Look for fun outings that last half a day. If there's nothing, do something fun at home. Make pizzas and popcorn, and have a family film night.

At least one evening every weekend get a sitter or invite friends over and do something fun with DH.

I feel your pain. I work 4 days and have a toddler, also a teacher. I've just finished the bulk of my planning and it's 11:30pm on a Sunday. My whole weekend is overshadowed by work that needs to be done before Monday comes around again.

I have no suggestions for you, just my sympathies. I'm actively looking for non-teaching jobs and will leave as soon as I can. After 12 years I've had enough.

Another teacher here, just switched off the computer at almost midnight.
I would definitely try to do your school work on your day off, as fitting it in over sat and Sunday is grim
Good luck!

I never understand the life of a teacher in the UK. I taught in lreland for 40 years, very successfully. I can hand on heart say l never once did school work on a weekend. I did stay later every evening to plan and Friday evening especially but this working until midnight on a Sunday night is pure torture. In order to teach properly you need a clear head come Monday morning. I know its your dam system but something has to give.
And Op no ironing. Just pop everything into dryer for ten minutes off line or airer and fold immediately they come out. Everything will be perfect with no effort.
On Friday morning after drop off look at the clock and for one solid hour without stopping tear into the house getting as much as possible done at full tilt. Then STOP and head out for coffee, a walk, window shopping anything that helps you relax. That time is your time and so precious. Could you take up a hobby at that time, ,, : yoga or tennis that might help with your OCD giving you a bit of respite. Or see a counsellor hopefully paid for by school authorities. Anything that completely gets you away.

On your child free day, go out and do something for yourself

I’d do planning and all your paperwork on your child free day plus have shopping delivered.
Hopefully you’ll still have time to do something for yourself.
I love the saying ‘the antidote to exhaustion isn’t rest, it’s nature’. Getting out somewhere as a family in nature as regularly as possible will be good for all of you.

I agree with a cleaner.

Also very sorry to hear about OCD and anxiety, probably stupid question but you don't take hormonal contraception or have caffeine do you?

Get a cleaner

You need to build a bit of rest into the weekends. I know there is loads to do, but there is always loads to do. If you have some personal time, it won't feel as awful. I worked 5 days when mine were young.

I would let them watch tv if they got up early at weekends. I would then get up at 8 30 or 9 on a Sunday. Sat morning we would do a food shop, taking them to a cafe after. They would have had an outing so we would just go for a short walk Sat afternoon. I wouk do housework etc. I would aim to sit down for half an hour around 4pm, leaving them to watch tv. I would sometimes go for a separate walk myself and leave dh to mind them. Mine would not wach a film so movie nights were out. They would go to bed at 9 so we had adult time then. Sun, they would either go swimming or walk and playground. These would not take too long. I would do bits of housework. I would aim to sit by myself for an hour with a book Sun afternoon, letting them watch tv. At least I would feel I had some break. They are tweens now and some free time is coming back. Re cleaning, I concentrated on decluttering. I hoovered, mopped, washed every week and left windows and skirting boards until bank holidays.

You have to look at ways to make your life easier, get a cleaner so you don’t need to clean only tidy, if you find one who will also iron that save you a even more time. Meal prep and get an online food shop to be delivered on a Sunday morning, you can meal prep a few meals in advance so dinner only takes 20 minutes max. Do you and hubby get any down time? We regularly give the other a morning off and take baby out to do something on our own so we each get some quiet time in the house on our own.

@scully29

yes sorry I meant busyness not business, as in lower expectations of what needs doing!

Oh i see!! Makes sense.