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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect us to spend his birthday together

11 replies

Owiem · 26/09/2021 17:05

Before I start I’m not a needy person, I give my boyfriend the space he needs, we actually only see each other once a week due to work and distance. I’m not particularly happy with this but for now that’s how it is.

So I asked him she’s ago if he wanted to go away for his birthday he said no he probably will just spend it with his family. I was disappointed because it was the first time we could do something like this together but his birthday whatever. His plans changed and he asked me if I wanted to do something in the morning for his birthday. I was happy he wanted to spend it with me, it feels like the next step I guess? Anyway I booked it and randomly he was like oh we might go to dinner actually a few weeks later. So I cancelled it, I booked a restaurant he’s always wanted to go to, even booked to get my nails done. It’s now coming up and I said so what’s the plans, he said he’s just going to spend it with his mates.

I feel really upset if he said from the beginning I would probably feel differently. I feel like we have completely different expectations in a relationship. I don’t want to bring it to look like a brat. Thanks for reading this far!

OP posts:
NotYourCupOfTea · 26/09/2021 17:53

He’s not that into you - not sure how long you’ve been together but I wouldn’t waste any more time with him
He’s messing you about and whilst it is his birthday it sounds like he’s got a better offer and isn’t bothered about letting you down

Owiem · 26/09/2021 18:04

That’s exactly what I said, he said we could meet the next day for breakfast but like, why wouldn’t you want to spend the day with your girlfriend? He mumbled lots of excuses I couldn’t exactly protest to

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 26/09/2021 18:06

He mumbled lots of excuses I couldn’t exactly protest to

Of course you could. Dump him.

Dinoroaraus · 26/09/2021 18:11

I was all set to say YABU until he started messing you around with plans. Lose him.

Eilatan2018 · 26/09/2021 18:21

Sounds like a loser and very young. He is not that in to you. Get rid.

furbabymama87 · 26/09/2021 18:23

It sounds like a dead relationship that will never go anywhere. If you want more from a relationship you need to leave this guy.

hopeishere · 26/09/2021 18:33

How long have you been together?

TedMullins · 26/09/2021 18:44

It doesn’t matter if he’s in the wrong or not - if it’s not working for you, end the relationship. You need to meet a threshold of arseholery to dump someone - they could be the nicest person in the world but if it’s not working for you for any reason, you end it.

Personally it’s important to me to maintain my friendships so I’d probably rather spend my birthday with friends and see a partner another time but he has been a dick messing you about and it sounds like you want different things from a relationship.

IsThisIt2021 · 26/09/2021 18:47

I started a thread earlier asking at what point in the relationship was usual to celebrate together. The difference being, I haven’t been messed about. I knew first off that he had plans with family and friends etc. I’d be extremely annoyed if he said he wanted to spend it with me and then once I’d arranged something he had a better offer

Caramelkoala1 · 26/09/2021 18:55

I’ve had a similar experience op, he would always rather spend special days with his friends rather than me and whenever I brought it up there would always be some excuse that I couldn’t argue with. Eventually I realised the harsh truth, that if he was really into me things wouldn’t be this way. If he doesn’t naturally want to spend time with you on special occasions it unfortunately suggests you are not the right match for each other, you deserve better than being let down and messed around x

ellyeth · 26/09/2021 19:36

He sounds horrible. I think that would be the end for me. Find someone who is more considerate.

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