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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Parents don’t like my Other Half!

39 replies

Nellie1997 · 26/09/2021 16:07

Hi Everyone
I’m new to this site and was hoping for some advice. I have been with my partner for 15 years. We have a very up and down relationship and during the downs I sometimes talk to my parents. We do always make up, however my parents don’t seem to be able to forget the fall outs and don’t want to be in his company. My partner and I have two children, who my parents adore, and they want to see them on the same day every week at my house (I don’t drive so can’t go to them) without my partner there. I have told them this just isn’t possible- if they don’t want him here, I have said they will have to be more flexible ie, come over when he’s out OR come on the same day every week but face seeing my partner. They feel they should be able to have things their way as they haven’t done anything wrong. Am I being unreasonable with the options I have given them?

Any advice/help is much appreciated! X

OP posts:

MrsKeats · 26/09/2021 17:00

'Horrible rows' what does this mean?

Member984815 · 26/09/2021 17:03

You are unreasonable for involving your parents in your fights but expecting them to forget it when you've made up . They are unreasonable for allowing you to do that .

dworky · 26/09/2021 17:06

Depends what the 'fallouts' are.

someonesomewhere7 · 26/09/2021 17:29

@MrsKeats

'Horrible rows' what does this mean?

My money is on him being at the very least verbally abusive to her during fights and her being in complete denial.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 26/09/2021 17:32

Do they expect your dh to miss out on a day every week of seeing his own dc so they can? What plonkers!!

Merryoldgoat · 26/09/2021 17:37

What does horrible rows mean though?

Serious subject matter that’s difficult to resolve but ultimately argued about without abusive language and swearing?

Or shouting and nasty language about petty stuff or unacceptable behaviour that the offending party won’t accept responsibility for?

You say ‘it’s not abusive’. I’m not sure I believe you. I can’t imagine many parents want to see a child’s relationship fail and for their grandchildren to grow up with separated parents.

Most parents actively encourage trying to resolve issues.

Azerothi · 26/09/2021 17:44

What does your boyfriend think of your parents?

Throckmorton · 26/09/2021 18:08

To be honest, I feel sorry for your kids having to grow up with parents who have such a volatile relationship. It will be affecting them you know

AnnaMagnani · 26/09/2021 18:09

Are you telling your parents about an abusive relationship or are you just telling your parents about all the downs in your relationship and none of the ups?

When I was newly married I rang my DM to have a big old whinge about my DH to her and she cut me straight off - she was clear she would be there for me in a heartbeat if he was abusive but day to day shit in our marriage I had to sort out myself, she didn't need to hear it.

It sounds to me like you are fed up that your parents are all over your life - wanting to come over every week - but in the next breath inviting them in by telling them all the ins and outs of your marriage.

You can't have both.

Stop telling them blow by blow accounts of your relationship, make it clear they can come over when is convenient to you or not at all.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 26/09/2021 18:10

during the downs I sometimes talk to my parents

If you don't want your parents to judge your OH, don't slag him off to them or confide in them about all his shortcomings.

ChicChaos · 26/09/2021 18:21

This could be my friend and her in-laws - they no longer speak to her after her (numerous) breakups with their son.

Once the 'down's become regular, no-one believes the 'up' part of the relationship because they know it won't last. I am also wondering what the 'horrible rows' consist of.

ChargingBuck · 26/09/2021 18:22

They feel they should be able to have things their way as they haven’t done anything wrong

Ha! - So they have set themselves up as the supreme arbiters of who is wrong, & funnily enough - it's not them?

Unless your OH is a total arsehole (in which case they should brace themselves & damn well make sure they see plenty of you, to keep you from being isolated) - then it is up to them to make equal efforts to see you & the GC.

Why can't or won't they be more flexible, instead of demanding it all their way?

MrsKeats · 26/09/2021 19:47

Agreed someonesomewhere7
And if someone was horrible to my daughter I would not be pretending I liked them.

FortniteBoysMum · 26/09/2021 20:05

If you don't want them to dislike him grow up and start dealing with your relationship issues without bad mouthing him to them. Ultimately you are creating this issue. As for them seeing the kids you tell them they can see them when ever but if his home or not is irrelevant. Your not going to expect your partner to go out of his own home to suit them.

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