Paying non resident parent money for the contact they have?

[pleatedblind]

Going through court process with ex. He complains about not seeing dc enough but last hearing I offered to up contact to EOW and he refused saying he couldn't afford it.

Current respective financial situations are:

Me - single parent with full time care of 4dc. One has a disability and this means I cannot work. I receive carers allowance, DLA for disabled dc, income support and associated bits and bobs. This means we are ok, not many luxuries but food, heating, clothing and the odd treat here and there is doable.

Him - currently sees dc once a month (his choice), has mental health issues which prevent him from working so receives PIP and associated benefits. Lives alone. Pays the CMS minimum of £32 per month (total).

His suggestion in the latest cafcass report is that contact remains once a month but increases in length (currently not overnight so would go to overnight differing length at different times of year) and that I ought to pay him money for when he has the children.

The disabled dc rarely goes to contact (their choice) and definitely would not go to any overnights.

Is this reasonable of him to expect me to pay him for the time he sees his dc?

Absolutely not. He would only get a CMS reduction for shared care if he was having them overnight the equivalent of once a week. His contribution is already minimal. Don’t give him a refund. He can scrimp and save and budget like you do for the other 29-30 days a month.

Do not pay this man a penny! Who in their right mind what's paying to see their own children. Ludicrous!!

He currently pays 26p per day per child.

Total ‘refund’ at the current rate would be £1.04

I’d look at Dcs DLA, divide it by 365 and IF your DC spends the night at their father’s house, send that amount with him, in pennies!
Cheeky sod.

Fucking nerve!
No. You absolutely should not pay him to see his children.

I know someone whose ex would buy the children dinner and like a mug she would pay the cost of the meal back until one day she thought WTF.

Do not pay him anything.

He pays you £32 a month
For the sake of argument £1 a day.
So thats 25p each child per day

5p towards gas, 5p towards electric, 10p per day to feed them and 5p left for everything else.

I'd make a point, and I'd send him the money, AND the working out.
10p per child for the WHOLE DAY

Thats 3p for breakfast, same for lunch and 4p for dinner
Send him the EXACT ammount per child for the number of meals.

( Check the figures though!!)

Why the fuck does this useless ballsack of a father, think that he not only doesn’t have to parent his children, but doesn’t have to even financially provide for them? Absolute scum, his kids will be so hurt by his rejection of them when they get older.

On the basis of principle you should follow CMS guidelines.
Therefore the amount he pays would theoretically reduce if he has the kids more.
Let's pop that in the calculator and... Oh diddly squat difference! End of.

I think he thinks I should give him part of the child benefit, and other child related benefits?

My interpretation of this is that it's so he can use that to Disney dad them while I do all the practical stuff like clothes, shoes, toiletries, school supplies etc (but I could be being cynical). He does always take them to do something expensive like the cinema etc, and then complains about the cost of it.

@pleatedblind

I think he thinks I should give him part of the child benefit, and other child related benefits?

My interpretation of this is that it's so he can use that to Disney dad them while I do all the practical stuff like clothes, shoes, toiletries, school supplies etc (but I could be being cynical). He does always take them to do something expensive like the cinema etc, and then complains about the cost of it.

What is he basing this on? Why does he think he shouldn’t have to put his hand in his pocket at all for the children he bothers with only once a month?

My god, men like this make me furious. Reminds me of my own dad who paid £80 a month to my mum for 3 kids, whilst he was living with his mother and spent all his money on flash cars etc. He used to see his kids about once a month too, and then bitch and moan about how my mum must be living it up on all the maintenance money she was getting off him. Stupid knobhead.

Tell him to piss off and learn how to be a fucking parent.

He’s completely taking the piss! His choice to take them to cinema etc. Bet you’d like to be able to do that once a month but you’re busy making sure they’re fed, clothed & have a home!

No absolutely not.

You are coping with four children including one with special needs, basically full time, and on benefits. All I can say is well done.

He doesn't work, so has all day every day to himself. And he thinks you should pay him, to see his own children. I'd tell him to get off his backside and try putting in some effort. He's living in cloud cuckoo land.

He's a deadbeat dad please don't entertain this ridiculous notion.

He has absolutely no self respect to even suggest this! He's an arsehole!

If you are in a much financial situation than he is, even if only on the paper, then it might be an option. I am currently going through a court process where the ex asks similar to yours - for his contact expenses (hotel, travel and tickets to activities) to be covered by me. And no, it wasn't thrown out of the court immediately.

oh for fucks sake - what a fucking prince!

go with @Jossbow brilliant suggestion
I'd make a point, and I'd send him the money, AND the working out.
10p per child for the WHOLE DAY

Thats 3p for breakfast, same for lunch and 4p for dinner
Send him the EXACT ammount per child for the number of meals.

( Check the figures though!!)

Is he taking you to court for increased contact.

We are told time and again contact and maintenance aren't linked.

Your benefits don't just cover food and entertainment for the day the vover clothes,/ uniforms, rent, toys school trips , activities.

You certainly aren't in a position to be handing over money.

He is been very unreasonable

What a very odd request. He must be barking mad to think that your DC should go without essentials so he can play the generous dad splurging on cinema tickets.

It's not going to alter the CMS if it's the minimum though so I wouldn't give him a penny. But if you did I would go with the PP's idea of itemising it for each meal and give him the money he's given you back. Not the benefits.

@forinborin

If you are in a much financial situation than he is, even if only on the paper, then it might be an option. I am currently going through a court process where the ex asks similar to yours - for his contact expenses (hotel, travel and tickets to activities) to be covered by me. And no, it wasn't thrown out of the court immediately.

That's interesting. I thought (and have been told by a magistrate) that family courts don't get involved in money. I know there is little consistency in the court system and it depends who you have on the day. Oh dear.

Absolutely fucking not. How actually fucking dare he effectively charge you for taking care of the children you and he share?! Tell him to piss right off.

I’m actually surprised my kid’s “father” hasn’t tried that one mind you

If this suggestion isn’t chucked out straight away, make sure they don’t take the DLA into account, even if the child it’s for does end up going to their dad’s. NRP who try stuff like this really piss me off.

So he thinks you should subsidise his one day per month.
You'd be an absolute mug to.

£32 per month. So £1.03 per 24 hour period. So 4p per hour. I’d send him that exactly. In pennies.