AIBU for wanting to cut off my brother ?

[chayago]

Hi !

My (33 year old) brother has always been extremely angry and abusive, but this time it seems to have gotten even worse. We were never close but it was put on age gap (I’m 24)

I travelled to my home country from the UK and saw my family for the first time in two years, arrived on Tuesday night. My brother seemed super fine until yesterday (Friday) when he got angry at me for not calling the phone he had lost and insulting me. First red flag.
Yesterday he hurt his knee exercising so today he asked my mum to bring medication for him (he still lives with her).
She got him medication in the form of suppositories instead of oral medication and he freaked out, yelled, threw the medication boxes on the floor and screamed at her calling her horrible names and asking if she was stupid and saying that old age had gotten to her and that it drove her crazy and asking her aggressively how he was supposed to take these as a man. He also freaked out at my husband leaving a light on and cursed the hell out of him and got red and excited and angry

She was super confused and apologetic but I couldn’t help but step in and try to defend her, reminding him that it was his mum he was taking about (now I don’t know if I did the right thing or if I should have let it go).

He turned to me, calling me every name in the book, cunt, son of a bitch. Saying he would beat me and my husband up, threatened to kill me and slice my throat, punched the window, tried to hit me multiple times (my mother got in between us and stopped him but he would still try to push her away and get to me) and said my husband and I were to never come back to the house (which is mums, not his)

I’m 6 weeks pregnant but he doesn’t know that and I’m terrified for the safety of my baby, my husband and myself. He is 6’2 or more and weighs more than 90 Kgs and both my mum and I are 5’3 and im 48kg. Tomorrow is my wedding reception and I’m leaving on Monday but leaving my mum behind is shattering my heart. She’s 62 but still working to support him and her as hes never worked a day in his life and wasted all the money she had given him for his studies as he didn’t want to do that either. I want to officially cut him off and never allow to him to see me or my little family again. He’s abused me my whole childhood and I’m finally ready to take the step but I don’t know if it’s the right thing, if it’s even feasible, and how it would affect my relationship with my mum and if and how I would get to see her or if I’m doomed to see him for the rest of my life.
He tried to apologize but I didn’t want to see him.
Am I being in the wrong ?

Thank you for your time and help

You are not in the wrong at all. I would keep in close contact with your mum but never speak to him again. Can you have her come to stay with you rather than going to stay with her?

Thank you very much for your reply. I would like that but she doesn’t have a visa. I’m going to try and get one for her. The problem is she wants to keep taking care of the house (as he wouldn’t do it) and doesn’t want to leave him behind as she wants to cook for him, provide for him and take care of him etc

He sounds awful and controlling. Your mum deserves better . Any chance she could come and stay with you ?

She never wants to leave him behind for too long, he always woos her back in

I’m sorry to say this but you can’t change your mum’s decisions. It sounds as if he uses her horribly but she has allowed and facilitated this, plus it sounds as if she did not do enough to protect you in your childhood. I would certainly go NC with your brother for the sake of yourself and your family, and do what you can to help your Mum to visit you. Sadly however your sadness may never fully resolve itself as it does not sound as she wishes to be free of your brother and he mrs become worse when your baby is born if he takes your growing family to be an even greater threat to he’s control of her. At least you do have distance from him which must be a great relief. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this. However, many congratulations on your pregnancy and many happy wishes for your life going forwards xxx

You can't force your mum to see him for what he really is. She has to make her own decisions.

I would cut him off completely, and let your mum know that you love her very much and always want to see her/talk to her. Door is always open type of thing. Then it's up to her what she does.