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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have let DS come back home?

21 replies

vomiras · 26/09/2021 00:27

DS is 15, and is friends with a few older boys that he met in a club. DS was invited to a party on Friday night; I had said no as he was going to be the youngest there the others were 18 and a few 19 but he was at his dads, and he let him!

I then had a call to say he was in hospital as he'd drank too much and was very dehydrated he was put on a drip and was discharged at about lunchtime, and he seems ok although is very tired.

DS told me he wanted to go back home and not to his dads, I told him he could and he has.

My ex isn't happy about this as he said I've broken the agreement as it's his weekend.

AIBU in letting DS back home ? And AIBU in thinking that DS wouldn't have came back early if ex didn't let him go to the party, so only has his self to blame?

OP posts:

mummaelle · 26/09/2021 00:34

Not at all.

Imo your son is old enough to decide where he wants to stay, whether it be at yours or his dad's. There shouldn't have to be an agreement.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/09/2021 00:36

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Your son is 15, not a baby, and he can decide where he wants to be. Ignore your ex.

Hopefully, your son has learned a very powerful lesson about alcohol. He's lucky he didn't die from alcohol poisoning. Several very big conversations are in order.

Mediumred · 26/09/2021 00:47

One would think your ex should be asking himself questions over letting your son attend the party where he got so ill, but instead of just being thankful that your boy is going to be ok he is mithering at you. Just ignore him and look after your son who wants to be at home to recuperate.

Original poster

vomiras · 26/09/2021 01:06

I will be speaking to DS. I'm more annoyed at ex though at the moment!

OP posts:

Original poster

vomiras · 26/09/2021 08:48

Ex has messaged me again saying they had ‘plans’ etc.

OP posts:

PumpkinPie2016 · 26/09/2021 08:52

YANBU. Your DS ended up in hospital and is old enough to decide where he wants to be.

Obviously, a conversation is needed with DS about knowing your limits and how to enjoy alcohol safely when he is older. However, in your shoes, I'd be mightily pissed off with ex. What the hell was he thinking allowing a 15 year old child to go to a party with a load of 18/19 year olds who were bound to be drinking

Treacletoots · 26/09/2021 08:56

Your ex is annoyed because your son ended up in hospital due to his poor parenting and now wants to come home to you?

What planet is he on? I'd be telling him social services would be interested in him allowing a minor get drunk if he doesn't wind his neck in.

Mosaic123 · 26/09/2021 08:56

Of course you want him home if he is unwell, even if self inflicted. I would be a little concerned at your current partner's attitude.

Ozberry · 26/09/2021 08:58

YANBU, and I expect those ‘plans’ went out of the window when DS got so drunk he ended up in hospital.
If he’s old enough to make those decisions, he’s old enough to decide where to recouperate.

Feelslikealot · 26/09/2021 08:59

He should be talking to his son about deciding to go home. It's nothing to do with you so tell him to bugger off.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/09/2021 09:00

So why wasn't he up the hospital himself?

SleepingStandingUp · 26/09/2021 09:01

@Mosaic123

Of course you want him home if he is unwell, even if self inflicted. I would be a little concerned at your current partner's attitude.

She hasnt mentioned her current partner. It isn't even a long or complex thread to follow

CuriousaboutSamphire · 26/09/2021 09:05

Where is your anger @vomiras?

You would be perfectly within your rights to tell ex that his shit parenting landed your DD in hospital and his complaints about his weekend plans being ruined are fuck all compared to the damage his shit Disney Dad behaviour did to your child.

Get angry. Tell him to fuck off.

I hope your boy feels better soon and you and he manage to discuss this without any arguments.

StellaCinnamon · 26/09/2021 09:05

Did your ex definitely know the nature of the party? Your son didn’t spin him an “I’m just meeting my pals” story?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 26/09/2021 11:37

That just exemplifies his lack of judgement!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 26/09/2021 11:38

I mean, if OP worked it out then there is no reason he couldn't have

Hellocatshome · 26/09/2021 11:39

At 15, DS can decide where he wants to spend his weekends. Has he told his DH coming back to your house was his idea?

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 26/09/2021 11:54

Party aside DS is 15, he's old enough to decide which parent he wants to be or not be with at a given time. Your Ex is being unreasonable expecting you to not allow your 15 year old to decide.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 26/09/2021 11:56

Imo block ex... Ds is old enough to decide his own arrangements..

Dillydollydingdong · 26/09/2021 11:59

Maybe the Ex did have "plans" but ds wouldn't have been fit enough to participate or enjoy them.

Toddlerteaplease · 26/09/2021 16:46

I'm amazed they pit him on a drip, we try and avoid that when teenagers drink too much. Because they don't wake up with a hangover and don't learn not to do it again!

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