Lurker looking for advice that no one can give

[Ageisjustanumb3r]

Late 40s , in a job for nearly 20 years . Always known I want to care . Trouble is I want to
Give care as in a friend , no bum wiping etc . Looked into end of life ( no qualifications ) but know I give so many shits about other people but get too involved and unsure i can cope mentally . I just know I care and want to . There is no job for me like this . Please give me ideas where I can help

Guess I’m asking at my age what can I train to be ?

Our local council do a befriender scheme. Look online at your council website.. You get a form and need references then they do a cbs check.

Activates coordinator in a care home?
Mental health support worker?
HCA on a ward where people can do their own personal care?
Befriending service?
Carer for people with learning difficulties?

You want to care, but also don't want to get too involved and worry you wont cope mentally. No offence, but it sounds like care wont be the thing for you.

Psa in a school? We have such a lot of children (non/limited verbal skills, behaviour, social/emotional and learning needs) the more help being offered the better. You might thrive in this environment.

Have you looked at companies like Home Instead and similar? They offer a wider range of care and support

Residential support worker for those with mental illnesses?

I did this prior to my nursing degree and found it very rewarding indeed.

If you can't deal with personal care then just stay away from elderly care, there are many support roles for children, care leavers and adults which are just that; support with activities of daily living.

Care coordinator for mentally unwell adults?
Occupational therapist?
Benefits advisor at a disability charity?
SENCO at a school?

You’d have to get qualifications, but 40 isn’t too old.

I get to emotionally attached . But I know it’s my calling as such . I have no qualifications but looked after my grandma ( bum and all ) my job is customer support . I have always had a soft spot for the elderly . Don’t deal with young people really . But have helped them outside my job in my own hours etc . Just stuck on next routes . Aibu have always given good advice

Thanks for replies . I’ll look into your advice

I'm not sure that care work or similar is a great idea if you are concerned that your mental health is likely to be under pressure and you may get too involved.

I worked with a few people who were lovely people like this and children's social work destroyed them.

I would find work that you enjoy but can leave behind after work for the sake of your mental health.

Maybe Volunteering as a phone friend would help get you started, it'll give you an idea of what is expected.
Also be realistic elderly people and the possibility of near death, it will be sad sometimes.

I'd be personally a bit worried that if you would find it hard to tie a step back and have concerns about your mental health maybe this isn't a good job for you?

Also why no bum wiping? Is that because you only want to do the parts you personally enjoy rather than providing care that is needed? The often come hand in hand to be honest apart from if you want to do voluntary unpaid work.

What you describe isn't care. It's wanting to look like you care without putting the work in.

If you're that concerned about your mental health it isn't for you. The last thing people who require care need is someone else quitting on them.

Also, I hope you never need personal care. The way you describe it is disgusting.

Caring for people - in all aspects - is a privilege. Being their in someone's final days is the most amazing privilege of all.

Our local hospice has a volunteer role for ‘homemakers’ - providing companionship to patients, their families, making tea, listening, doing practical form-filling.

It is unpaid, though.

I think you should probably look for a volunteer role like this. People who ‘care’ as a profession have to reconcile their employment for financial purposes against their emotions and instincts. If you think you can’t wipe bums of strangers in the name of care you probably can’t separate your instincts and emotions from practicalities, is what I’d think.

That’s not at all a criticism. Just that you should be rational and know what works for you.

Work in care for a while, bums and all, and/or get some voluntary work befriending, running a lunch club or similar. Then when you've built your skills and confidence, start a little business offering companionship, light housework, help with shopping, driving to Dr appts, help with admin etc for elderly people in their own homes. Start it as a side hustle, and gradually drop your other paid work as the private work takes off.

You could become a home help. I know someone who has a lady who started as her voluntary Befriender through AgeUK. She now visits twice a week (paid & self-employed) and is invaluable. She cleans, chats, goes for walks, changes light bulbs etc etc. It is mostly cleaning tbh but she's in demand and doing very worthwhile, flexible work.

You could look for a support worker rather than carer role. Some organisations are registered to provide personal care (ie help with washing and toileting), some not and provide support but not personal care. However you need healthy boundaries if working with people. You are staff not a friend, you can leave at any time and need your relationship to reflect that.

It doesn’t sound like it’s for you if you’ll be too emotionally attached and don’t want to wipe a bum

Maybe the next step would be contact centre for adult social care department for your local council? You’d be signposting and advising people on the phone. Or admin for your local social care team. I have known a few people start off doing phones/admin then move into social care assistant (unqualified adult social worker basically) roles then some have gone on to do social work training.

I'm sorry to be blunt but if you get too emotionally attached then care work is not the work for you - both for your own sake and for the sake of those people you care for. Professional boundaries are important for both people's wellbeing.

I'd really suggest you get some counselling to look at why you get too emotionally attached and how you can develop appropriate boundaries. Being able to reflect and having good self-awareness are important factors in caring work so if you do end up going into this area of work having counselling first will serve you well.

(My job involves training people to work in a caring profession)

God I hate it when people refer to care work as 'bum wiping'. Just don't. I've worked in care for a long time (not anymore) and in most jobs personal care is just part of caring for someone who needs help. You're looking for a companionship job which will be much more tricky.

You seem to have a very romanticised idea of what care work is, where has this come from?