Thoughtless or standard?

[FuckingFabulous]

I've just come to bed. DH is sparko.

He knows 100% that I cannot sleep with the windows open at the moment, because of all the crane flies, and that our cats cannot share our bed with us due to how one of them constantly dust bathes, which leads to what feels like grit all over the bed, and also due to needy they are, specifically with me. If I've not fussed them for a couple of hours, they'll headbutt me or flex their claws into my skin. They also get as close to my face to sleep as they can, which means I'm breathing in warm air and fur. I loathe it and literally will not get any sleep if there is a crane fly buzzing around in my vicinity, or if the cats are all over me.

So, I've come to bed. Both cats are on my side of it, windows wide open, crane flies fucking everywhere. My side of the bed feels like a sandbox, it's so gritty.

Is it thoughtless? Is it not giving a fuck about the needs your partner has in order to have a decent sleep? Or is it standard: every man for himself when it comes to sleep? Because he's happy to sleep with the cats and with the window open, but he is also happy with the fan on, windows closed and cats removed. Whereas I'm only happy one way.

Cats have been put out, window has been shut, bed has been dusted down, but I'm just feeling it's all a bit selfish, really. AIBU?

I think YABU - you’re the one that wants the windows closed and cats out so I feel it’s your responsibility to ensure those things happen.

A decent partner would understand your valid reasons and respect them so no YANBU.

Do you have a spare bed? I always decamp into the spare room by about 3.

Do these people who lack all empathy lie in wait to be the first to post a twatty response?!

OP, YANBU. These are simple things, as first to bed, he just needed to close the window on the flies and close the door on the cats. Hardly onerous or arduous.

What things do you do for him and how would he feel if you stopped doing them?

I have a dust-bather too...

I am Trying to understand, he went to bed early & let cats & flies in for you to find?

It's annoying but I wonder if there are better things to make him change how he is.

Could be both. I think it is thoughtlessness that has become a habit/standard in your relationship. He is being selfish to assume you’ll sort out the bedroom every night. I think you need to be more assertive and make the bedroom entirely cat free.

YANBU we had the same issues DH fully on board with cats being put to bed, huge throw kept on bed to keep the dust bath grit out of it, and anything like mozzies to be killed.

YANBU op, I'd be f'ed off too!

Yanbu

Very thoughtless of him