'Best friend'

[nam3chang3d1]

I recently had my 30th birthday.
My 'best friend' said she was going to come visit the week after, (we live 45mins apart) she didn't.
I always make sure I send her and her partner a card and I get cards and presents for her two children and her step child.
She wrote a birthday message on my fb wall about being 'besties' for 25 years blah blah blah but didn't message me directly or send me a card.
I a bit annoyed that she didn't come see me but I'm really upset that she didn't even buy a card and put a stamp on it!
Am I being unreasonable?

I'd give her time

She may have a lot going on. I don't automatically expect anyone to get me a card even if I send them one but that's just me.

For a best friend to only post on Facebook and not message you directly on a milestone birthday is a bit crap. She may stuff going on, but a text takes thirty seconds and, yes, I'd definitely expect it as a bare minimum from a best friend.

Did she say why she didn't visit? I don't think you're being unreasonable.

I’d find this a bit annoying too, but some people aren’t very good at remembering or making an effort for birthdays. Is this part of a bigger picture of you being pissed off with her lack of effort as a friend?

I forgot my 'best friends' 50th birthday, completely slipped my mind. She reminded me a few weeks later and I was mortified. We had a laugh about it and moved on. If your friend has other redeeming qualities, then you must let this go. She may be dealing with stuff you are not aware of ?

Are you more bothered that she didn't come to see you or she didn't buy you a card and gift? Do you have children she buys for?

I agree a Facebook comment is a bit rubbish and she court have texted. It doesn't take much to send a card either. I don't know why people don't do what they say. She may have enough on but if she said she'd visit then she should have explained if that eas no longer possible.

Im most bothered by not getting a direct message or a card.
I do not have children, she normally buys me a gift for birthday but not Christmas.
She didn't give an excuse for not coming to see me, she just didn't follow up on arrangements with a time/place and quite frankly I'm sick of doing the chasing so I didn't bother either, it was already a week after my birthday anyway.

Just upset that she didn't even go to the minimal effort of posting a card 🤷‍♀️

She might be ill?

She's not a good friend to you, OP. How hard would it have been for her to call you?

Well, I can't bear to have my birthday, and especially age-milestones, acknowledged at all, so I may not be the best judge. But the only thing that would slightly bother me is that she didn't come after saying that she would. I wouldn't be bothered about her not coming as such, but about her breaking her word - unless there was a good reason. Apart from that: nowadays many people do tend to send their important messages on social media, rather than sending cards. It's not a trend that I particularly like, but it's a common one, and people often genuinely think that it makes it stronger, as it is more public. If you strongly prefer cards to social media acknowledgements, you could let her know this; but I definitely wouldn't treat it as a slight or insult or throw away a 25 year friendship over this.

This has happened to me a few years in a row. Really weird as I always send a present and card and we meet up.
This year I was hurt because her birthday is literally 2 weeks before mine.
So I've decided not to make the effort from now on.