Not invited to partners daughters communion

[whostakenmycharger]

Irish poster here.
Partner of a years daughter received first communion today.it's a really big event in the child's life here.
Partners ex decided that her partner of 5 years would attend... only 2 adults allowed to the chapel due to restrictions, and not her Dad.
Dad has daughter eow and visits weekly and they have a strong father daughter relationship. He agreed to this as he didn't want to upset child's day and cause trouble.His family are fuming.
I have lovely friend type relationship with his little girl and see her regularly. Not in a step parent role but casually.
He went to the chapel to see his daughter after the mass, for photos and to spend time with her for an hour.
He didn't invite me.
I am torn whether he should have as I would have liked to go but would not have invited myself.
My partner has a lovely relationship with my children, friendship but no blending.
I would have invited him if roles were reversed.
His ex and he have a civil
Relationship for their daughter but he dislikes his exes interest and curiosity about his life and likes to keep it private as much as possible. She has expressed a strong wish to meet me socially and we have spoken on the phone. I have no interest in meethin her but would have gone to chapel today to see his little girl.
AIBU?

It's probably best if you're going to meet the ex to keep it low key to start with. Might be a bit awkward at a communion.

Surely meeting his ex for the first time outside the church after your partner’s daughter’s FC, especially if her father was excluded from the ceremony, would be a potential train wreck, as well as risking taking the shine off the little girl’s day with too much adult drama?

There wouldn't have been drama.It would have been a coffee and a chat for an hour and she would have loved that I think.I definitely see your points though.

@Spindrifting

Surely meeting his ex for the first time outside the church after your partner’s daughter’s FC, especially if her father was excluded from the ceremony, would be a potential train wreck, as well as risking taking the shine off the little girl’s day with too much adult drama?

This in spades. Making her first communion about the adults was happening already. Good for your partner that he didn't join in.

The communion is his daughter's day. He probably wanted the focus to be on her, rather than the fact he brought his girlfriend along. It's not like he's keeping you out of his daughter's life - it sounds like you have a nice relationship. If his ex is nosy then he probably didn't want the day to be about her prying and asking questions.

I think it’s going to be everything to do with not wanting to satisfy his ex’s curiosity about you, rather than wanting to shut you out of it. And that might overshadow a day where it’s supposed to be about his DD.

I'd let it go. It's his daughters day.

Sorry but I think yabu.
Firstly you say he's only been your partner for a year so to me that would not mean an automatic invite for this occasion.
Second, the first time you meet the ex should be a low key/low stress situation not an important life event for the child.

Thanks to all who replied.
I know that his exes curiosity frustrates him and he wants to keep the relationship all about their girl so those responses make plenty of sense.

I think a year on the scene is not long enough to go to a FHC. Especially with all the Covid restrictions limiting numbers.

If you've only been together a year he isn't your partner.

@whostakenmycharger

There wouldn't have been drama.It would have been a coffee and a chat for an hour and she would have loved that I think.I definitely see your points though.

I don’t mean there would have been a fight, but his ex is obviously curious about you, there was already a (deeply unfair) decision to exclude the little girl’s father from the ceremony, and I think that you all colliding outside the church might have been complex.

@PheasantsNest

If you've only been together a year he isn't your partner.

I know a couple who've got engaged and married within 4 months.

Or it might have been 5. But anyway. Point is things can happen quickly.

I wouldn't have expected to go if I was you.

Know nothing about communions and how they work but I imagine he wanted everything kept very calm and about his daughter, given that he went along with being excluded from the chapel during her first communion, because that must have hurt him; I'm not surprised his family are furious.

He probably felt that the focus might have been taken off his daughter if it was combined with the first meeting of you and his ex.

The poor girl’s mother already made it all about the stepdad. Don’t make this about you as well.

Best that your partner kept it low-key by not inviting you, I think. A child's First Communion isn't the best place to be introducing new partners.

I also wonder if your partner contacted the school in advance (I'm assuming that the school was involved as they usually are in Ireland), as I think they probably would have facilitated his attendance at the First Communion too. At a confirmation I was at last year, most parents sat together, but one separated couple were seated separately, Covid regulations notwithstanding. Each was accompanied by another family member. The seating plan was done in advance by the school so everything was organised with their help. I know this isn't much help now OP, but this sort of situation isn't unusual and would usually be accommodated if at all possible imo.

It's the daughters day. The day should be all about her. I feel sorry for her Dad and he did the right thing going by himself to give full attention to his daughter after the church.

@PheasantsNest

If you've only been together a year he isn't your partner.

And who are you to decide that?

YABU. The day is about the little girl, not you getting to air your relationship. You’ve only been with him a year.

Hardly anyone was able to go, Covid dictates that. No, he shouldn’t have invited you.