Ask him to do HIV test, aibu?

[Strawberriesontoast]

A couple of years ago I left my husband after discovering he'd been seeing prostitutes.
It was a scary time for me health wise as I was terrified of having contracted a disease or infection because of it.
Thankfully I got myself tested for everything including HIV and got the all clear.
I've met a wonderful new man and I'd like him to be tested before I get intimate with him. I know I'll probably get flamed by people saying just ask him if he has anything, or you should just trust him if you love him etc but, with my near miss in the past, I'm not prepared to just take someone's word for it. Anyone can.lie about their status and history, id need proof.
How do I broach this?

I have always been of the opinion that any man who took umbrage at my desire for us both to be tested before having sex (even before condom sex because I am maybe a tad overly paranoid lol) isn't a man I want to have sex with anyway. I know several of my friends do the same and none of us have ever encountered a problem

You could explain the situation with your husband if you like, but if you don't want to share that then it's really pretty normal to just straightforwardly ask him

it's a pretty normal thing to do in a new relationship. I would suggest you both do it - even if you have been tested it'll make it look like it's for both of you, not just him testing.

I wouldn't be fretting so much about hiv. Obviously it's the most serious sti but it's also very rare. when I was tested years ago they said i didn't even meet the criteria for hiv testing despite my ex cheating. Chlamydia etc is much more common.

when I met dp I had been tested a month or so before as i found out ex had cheated. All clear and truthfully I didn't ask dp too. only because he'd come out of a faithful 12 years relationship and not slept with anyone else so the likelihood of him having a sti was next to nothing.

I think it’s normal practice. It’s certainly something I asked partners to do before getting intimate previously. I think it’s responsible. Even if they are responsible they could have picked something up and if he isn’t prepared to get tested i would see it as a huge red flag.

@tttigress

I think you are being paranoid, hiv it's very unlikely as a heterosexual male you would have hiv, unless you are a former drug addict that shared needles.

But you could explain the problems that you had in the past if you really want him to get tested.

46% of people living in the UK with HIV are heterosexual and contracted HIV via unprotected sex.

@tttigress

I think you are being paranoid, hiv it's very unlikely as a heterosexual male you would have hiv, unless you are a former drug addict that shared needles.

But you could explain the problems that you had in the past if you really want him to get tested.

How do you know any given man you don't know that well is completely straight though? Sure, if someone is not an IV drug user or sleeping with an IV drug user, is not a man who has sex with men, or is not from sub-Saharan Africa, the chances they are HIV+ are miniscule, but God knows there are enough men out there who present as "straight" who have had contact with another man. In any case, it's both sensible and normal to have full STI checks before going condomless. Making assumptions about someone's history and level of risk is how you get infected.

You should both go together and get tested

A straight man can also get HIV trough sex with a woman. Vaginal but much more, anal sex are a risk, so I have been told.
It’s absolutely not paranoid to minimize the risk of catching a virus that will severely impact your life as long as you’ll live by just asking your partner for a simple blood test. Which detects stuff like hepatitis and syphillis too.

Ffs. You're an adult, he's an adult. The age group seeing the biggest increase in STIs is the middle aged as we're too scared to take and request simple precautions. Kids (I say that as a mid-40s woman) have been taught this at school, I've had tricky conversations with my teens about this.

You insist he wears a seat belt in your car, you should insist he wears a condom in your vagina, or get a test. And do him the favour in return.

And that has zero to do with your history with your ex.

Make his n hers appointments and meet in the pub to joke about it afterwards.

As far as I understand it, it's now the done/expected/required/responsible thing in a new relationship - very well known and that makes it so easy to broach!

both of you get tested and get the all clear before any sex without condoms